"I must be a late bloomer," my husband said to me a couple months ago. He was referring to his recent revelation of the grace of God. You see, for most of his life, from the days of growing up in a Christian home through adulthood, he struggled with feeling like he didn't amount to much in God's kingdom. He strived but felt like a failure - inadequate and overpowered by sin. He understood being saved by grace, but didn't understand being kept by grace.
From the early days of our marriage I wondered at this. I would reason that maybe because I got saved as an adult and had such a complete turnaround, it was easier for me to understand that my growth was God's work in me and not my own. Determining last summer to truly "stand in the gap" for Aaron, one thing I prayed was that God would cause him to "(understand) the grace of God in truth." (Colossians 1:6) After some time we both started to see a difference. He would read Scripture he had probably read a thousand times before and see it in a new light. The Word was becoming alive to him!
Today my husband is delighting in sharing with me all the things God is showing him. I'm still praying though. To shrug off a spirit of bondage and walk in a spirit of liberty is a process. There's times when he's still tempted to think that he's responsible for keeping himself. Thank the Lord though for verses which remind him of the truth like John 6:44, where Jesus says, "No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him; and I will raise him up on the last day," and Philippians 2:13, "For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."
Next to the importance of understanding God's grace for a life of victory, is understanding our identity in Christ. Just yesterday I read The "Prone to Wander" Fallacy on Grace Roots and I just have to share it with you because it perfectly hits on this very thing! Please read it and then I hope you'll come back here and share your thoughts with me. Thanks!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
Questions Men Really Dislike #1
Next time I'll be getting back to some thoughts for post-abortive women, but today I'd like to start a little intermittent series of posts that will deal with questions that men really dislike. Each post will feature just one question. Think of it as my feeble attempt at looking at how men and women communicate differently. Hope you enjoy!
Wife: "Are you okay?"
Husband: No answer
Wife (trying to rephrase it): "What's wrong?"
Husband hears: "What's WRONG with you!?!"
Husband (irritated): "Nothing. Now leave me alone."
Maybe you're smiling right now because you've had a similar conversation with your husband. I certainly have. First it took me years to figure out that he really meant that he wanted to be left alone after this kind of question; then it took me even longer to figure out that this was actually an insulting question to him to begin with.
So then, next time he's quiet, or I think something's wrong, I'll give it to the Lord and ask Him to nudge my husband to talk - if it's necessary. If he doesn't talk about it, then I'll trust God to take care of it and thank Him for His peace. My husband's problem becomes my opportunity.
Here's just a fun observation on this point. Ever notice when two men greet each other? It's always goes something like this - "Hey, how's it goin'?" Or "What's up?" That's male speak; unlike female speak which typically goes, "Oh hi Susie! How are you?" Ever wonder why that is? I'm still not sure I understand but I've come to respect the difference. I love what Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs, authors of the book "Love and Respect," say about these male/female distinctions: "Not wrong, just different."
Because it perfectly demonstrates this whole issue, I'll close this post by telling you a little story. Recently, my daughter and her friend were riding scooters with a neighbor boy. He fell down and scraped his knee. While he was crying the two girls began to fawn over him and say, "Oh, are you okay?" After a moment's frustration he pleaded, "Stop saying that! I don't want you to say that!"
The funny thing is, when I told my husband what had happened he started to laugh. He said, "He sounds like me. I totally understand where he's coming from!"
Bottom line: Men really dislike the question, "Are you okay?" Ask your husband instead, "Is everything okay?" or "How are things going?" Then, if he doesn't want to talk, clothe yourself with dignity, let it go, and put it in your Father's hands.
"Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future."
Proverbs 31:25
Wife: "Are you okay?"
Husband: No answer
Wife (trying to rephrase it): "What's wrong?"
Husband hears: "What's WRONG with you!?!"
Husband (irritated): "Nothing. Now leave me alone."
Maybe you're smiling right now because you've had a similar conversation with your husband. I certainly have. First it took me years to figure out that he really meant that he wanted to be left alone after this kind of question; then it took me even longer to figure out that this was actually an insulting question to him to begin with. You see, when I ask my husband, "Are you okay?" it generally implies to him that he's not. Then, because I want to connect with him all the more because I'm concerned, I add insult to injury by pursuing him with more questions. The result? He's totally closed off because I'm coming across as disrespectful - hounding and nagging him until he's worn out! Of course, that isn't my intention, but from his male perspective that's just what I'm doing. The last time I forgot this and started in he finally replied, "Look, if I want you to know something, I'll tell you."
So then, next time he's quiet, or I think something's wrong, I'll give it to the Lord and ask Him to nudge my husband to talk - if it's necessary. If he doesn't talk about it, then I'll trust God to take care of it and thank Him for His peace. My husband's problem becomes my opportunity.
Here's just a fun observation on this point. Ever notice when two men greet each other? It's always goes something like this - "Hey, how's it goin'?" Or "What's up?" That's male speak; unlike female speak which typically goes, "Oh hi Susie! How are you?" Ever wonder why that is? I'm still not sure I understand but I've come to respect the difference. I love what Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs, authors of the book "Love and Respect," say about these male/female distinctions: "Not wrong, just different."
Because it perfectly demonstrates this whole issue, I'll close this post by telling you a little story. Recently, my daughter and her friend were riding scooters with a neighbor boy. He fell down and scraped his knee. While he was crying the two girls began to fawn over him and say, "Oh, are you okay?" After a moment's frustration he pleaded, "Stop saying that! I don't want you to say that!"
The funny thing is, when I told my husband what had happened he started to laugh. He said, "He sounds like me. I totally understand where he's coming from!"
Bottom line: Men really dislike the question, "Are you okay?" Ask your husband instead, "Is everything okay?" or "How are things going?" Then, if he doesn't want to talk, clothe yourself with dignity, let it go, and put it in your Father's hands.
"Strength and dignity are her clothing,
And she smiles at the future."
Proverbs 31:25
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
How We End Up Idolizing Our Husbands
"My soul clings to You;
Your right hand upholds me."
Psalm 63:8
I mentioned something in my last post that I think is worth adding to a bit. I had written about four ways the Lord showed me to exercise quietness with regards to developing and demonstrating a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4). In particular I want to hit on that last one - "Keep quiet about the past." I told you how sometimes our compliments can be interpreted by our husband in a completely different way - especially if the marriage is recovering from infidelity. However, besides what I talked about last time, there is yet another aspect to our attempts at admiration, and their unintended effects, that I want to cover in this post.
When I first started reading books like "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs and "Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl, I thought that the more praise I verbally laid on my husband the better. At one point, though, my husband started responding by saying that I sounded insecure. I couldn't understand this until I sought God and His word. Then I was able to realize what was in my heart and that, as a result of this, I was coming across as clingy to him.
As wives, we have the ability to tremendously bless our husbands with respect, appreciation, and admiration. But when our admiration is excessive, and they sense that they really don't measure up to it, we can send the message that we need them to be whatever it is we're praising them for. We become clingy. An example of this is when I was telling Aaron (often, but in various ways) that he was becoming a godly man and I was proud of him. Nothing wrong with that, right? That's what I thought until, in the process of seeking the Lord, He showed me that I was needing my husband to be godly. I was placing something (or someone) before my need for the Lord.
In her excellent book, "Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone" by Elyse Fitzpatrick, she relates this: "What must I have for life to be meaningful or happy? If I answer that question with anything other than God Himself, then that's what functions as a god for me." So had I taken my eyes off the Lord and onto my husband to the point where I had crossed over into idolatry? I believe that is exactly what had happened! Without fully realizing it, I felt I must have a godly husband for my life to be meaningful.
When I first started reading books like "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs and "Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl, I thought that the more praise I verbally laid on my husband the better. At one point, though, my husband started responding by saying that I sounded insecure. I couldn't understand this until I sought God and His word. Then I was able to realize what was in my heart and that, as a result of this, I was coming across as clingy to him.
As wives, we have the ability to tremendously bless our husbands with respect, appreciation, and admiration. But when our admiration is excessive, and they sense that they really don't measure up to it, we can send the message that we need them to be whatever it is we're praising them for. We become clingy. An example of this is when I was telling Aaron (often, but in various ways) that he was becoming a godly man and I was proud of him. Nothing wrong with that, right? That's what I thought until, in the process of seeking the Lord, He showed me that I was needing my husband to be godly. I was placing something (or someone) before my need for the Lord.
In her excellent book, "Idols of the Heart: Learning to Long for God Alone" by Elyse Fitzpatrick, she relates this: "What must I have for life to be meaningful or happy? If I answer that question with anything other than God Himself, then that's what functions as a god for me." So had I taken my eyes off the Lord and onto my husband to the point where I had crossed over into idolatry? I believe that is exactly what had happened! Without fully realizing it, I felt I must have a godly husband for my life to be meaningful.
During last summer, when our marriage was breaking apart, it was easy to keep my focus on God. I say "easy" because all I had left was Him, and so I held on to Him for all I was worth. Prayer literally became my lifeline; Scripture my food and drink. I recited Psalm 63:8 (above) over and over in desperate moments throughout those dark days. So look with me then, if you will, a little closer at Psalm 63.
Psalm 63 is a psalm of praise. In verse 5 David says, "...My mouth offers praises with joyful lips." Reading on, in verse 7 he gives God the glory for being his help. Finally, in verse 8 David cries out that his soul clings to (God), and he then praises (appreciates, admires) Him for upholding him with His right hand. Do you see the pattern? Praising and clinging. They naturally go together. That's because in his praising, David was simultaneously expressing his need for God. He needed and clung to no other. In the same way, our praising and clinging should also be for Him, and Him alone.
To be clear - it is good for us as wives to praise and compliment our husbands - but we should never allow it to also become clinginess. We do not place our lives, our hope, or our security in our husbands - to do so would be idolatry. Therefore, we need to be on guard that this doesn't happen unconsciously as it did to me.
To be clear - it is good for us as wives to praise and compliment our husbands - but we should never allow it to also become clinginess. We do not place our lives, our hope, or our security in our husbands - to do so would be idolatry. Therefore, we need to be on guard that this doesn't happen unconsciously as it did to me.
Now, here's the really interesting part. As I said before, despite our good intentions, if our compliments are too often, not timely and appropriate, many times our husbands will feel like we need them to be something. If that happens, they may come to believe that we really don't like them for who they are. In the "maleness" of their mind, the need to be something begins to translate into the need to do or fix something about themselves.
So if they're being hammered with a particular compliment or praise, it's quite possible for them to become irritated because of a sense of underlying pressure. In either scenario, at the very root of the issue would be the feeling that their wife disrespects them. Truth be told, I feel that I caused this to happen in my own marriage a great deal in the past. Unfortunately, when we wives are guilty of this it is the exact opposite of what we are commanded in Scripture to do toward our husbands:
"And the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:33
The best way I can help you understand this is to illustrate it. So let's say you're a seamstress. Someone comes to your home while you're working and throws a jacket with a big rip in it down on your sewing table. With a shrug and a smile they say, "You're such a great seamstress." At first you're flattered and so you set to work. Five days later, with each day bringing more of the same, you start to feel disrespected. Never once have they actually directly asked you to do something, but the pressure is there just as if they had.
Now, when you see this person and they only mention that they think you're a great seamstress, you would rightly feel like they might be looking for you to fix something for them. Now, maybe this is not the best analogy, but I hope it helps a little. Men think differently than we do. Their minds go to how to fix things, people, and situations. When we compliment too often, do we appear to be hinting that they need to do this? If we really allow God to search our hearts, do we find our "admiration" to be just another subtle form of manipulation? Ouch! I know this one hurts because I've been there!
Now, when you see this person and they only mention that they think you're a great seamstress, you would rightly feel like they might be looking for you to fix something for them. Now, maybe this is not the best analogy, but I hope it helps a little. Men think differently than we do. Their minds go to how to fix things, people, and situations. When we compliment too often, do we appear to be hinting that they need to do this? If we really allow God to search our hearts, do we find our "admiration" to be just another subtle form of manipulation? Ouch! I know this one hurts because I've been there!
My suggestion - and this is what I've been learning in my own experience - is to compliment your husband when it's appropriate to the situation. For example, if Aaron just played with our daughter and made her feel special, I tell him what a great dad he is. I acknowledge what he did, rather than complimenting him out of the blue and making him feel like I want him to do something. If your husband is like mine, he will really love being acknowledged. Then, along with your appreciation for specific things, sprinkle in some sincere admiration - "Those new pants look great on you" - and he'll feel like a million bucks!
"Like apples of gold in settings of silver,
Is a word spoken in right circumstances."
Proverbs 25:11
"Like apples of gold in settings of silver,
Is a word spoken in right circumstances."
Proverbs 25:11
Monday, July 12, 2010
Quietness - A Key to Respecting Your Husband
I'm switching gears a little bit. I will get back to abortion but I felt the Lord nudging me in the direction of writing about a subject close to my heart. That subject is respect. More specifically, respect as it relates to the command to wives found in Ephesians 5:33, "...The wife must see to it that she respects her husband." I realize that much has been written on this subject, but there's one aspect that I think is understated.
In 1 Peter 3:1-6 we find the virtue (discipline) I'm talking about. It's one that I read over, probably a million times, and never really understood until this past year when I've had to face the issues revolving around my husband's affair. It's the beauty of quietness. Look with me at what Peter tells us. Verse 4 says, "But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."
Now, maybe you're like me, who honestly used to imagine this to mean that we ought to be sober, moving about gracefully; that we should practice lovingly and gently touching our husband and children, and speaking to them in hushed tones. I was focused only on outward behavior (the should and shouldn't), and not the inward person of the heart. Sadly, sometimes, just sometimes, I would even read over these verses and not think much about them at all! I probably had other areas of "holiness" that I was working on so this just didn't seem that important.
So, if it's not these things, what exactly is a gentle and quiet spirit? Well, when I found myself in the position of the wife of 1 Peter 3:1 - you know, the wife whose husband was "disobedient to the Word," - I began a season of deep, soul-searching, crying-out-to-God prayer. I would pray for hours everyday. I would pray in the night, lying next to my cheating husband and begging God to save our marriage. I would remind God over and over, "This is your little family God, please intervene. Please don't let Satan have his way." I became willing to do whatever it was God would show me to do.
The first thing He showed me, in response to my request that God would endear me to my husband's heart, was the idea of unconditional respect. This was definitely not a one-time revelation, but occurred over many months through earnest prayer and searching God's Word. Now, I could probably write a whole series on what unconditional respect looks like - and maybe I will - but let me, for now, focus only on the concept of a gentle and quiet spirit.
When you think of gentleness, what do you think of? Do you think of it mainly in the physical realm? How you are to act? I certainly did. And boy, did I ever miss the point! What the Lord showed me instead was the controlling spirit I had; that I was attempting to be the Holy Spirit in my husband's life. Either by direct assault, or by sneaky, though well-intentioned ways I was trying hard to get him to see the error of his ways.
Let me give an example - maybe you've done something similar. I once tried to leave a book out, turned upside down but open to a certain page, in hopes that he would pick it up and read it. Upon reading it he would become so convicted that it would cause him to repent. And you know what? All my attempts, such as this one, utterly failed because I didn't see that God was going to do the work in Him, and I didn't have to! Nor should I. I'm so thankful the Lord showed me this. What the Bible really instructs us to do is to be gentle (this IS NOT the same as dropping subtle hints!) and respectful in the way we encourage our husband toward the things of God. And the way we do that leads to the second part of that phrase - by having a quiet spirit.
There are four ways the Lord has shown me I am to be quiet. When my heart is right with Him and I'm focused on doing His will, He gives me the strength to do it. Each of these discoveries have unfolded through the various growing pains of rebuilding our marriage:
Zip the Lips - This was the first, and most painful, one I had to learn. When my husband first came back to our family (he never actually physically left, but I refer to when he finally broke it off with the other woman), he was a spiritual mess. The other woman had worked hard at undermining any faith in God that he did have, and so he was really confused about things. I was so tempted to beg, cry, and plead with my husband. It hurt so bad to think that my man, who had been leading our family in devotions just six months earlier, now was so far from God that he wanted nothing to do with the Bible, church, or other Christians.
However, in the midst of this heartbreaking situation, God showed me again that wonderful verse, 1 Peter 3:1, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives." Wow - that verse says without a word! Now, you may be tempted, like me, to wonder how it's going to get done if you never say anything. However, unlike us women, men are not going to be won over by anything you say - in fact, he'll feel that you're controlling and nagging if you try. What he will do though is watch and "read" your actions.
You don't have to have a cheating husband to apply this. You'll be given many chances in the course of your marriage, whether it's a healthy or unhealthy relationship, to practice this kind of discipline. Your respectful, quiet behavior will convict him far more than any words. So, in summary: God means this most literally - He wants you to keep quiet! Any complaint, concern, or worry you have concerning your husband, take to God in prayer. Then sit back, in trust and confidence in your Heavenly Father, and watch what amazing things He will do! (See 2 Thes. 3:4 - Who was Paul's confidence in?)
Keep Quiet About What You're Doing - Okay, what do I mean here?!? Well, it's probably not what you're thinking. What I mean is this - don't tell him all the wonderful things you've been reading on the internet, or in the latest Christian marriage book, and how you're going to change (like I did at first when I told my husband how I was going to unconditionally respect him from now on). Keep it to yourself and he'll notice, and appreciate, those changes. Trust me, he doesn't want to know all the "insights" you've gained. It will more than likely make him feel preached at and like you're expecting some change in him - something he will resist if he's feeling pressured.
Keep Quiet When He Vents - This is a really hard one! But seriously, you can show him tremendous respect by not taking everything he says so personally! If he does happen to be venting about you, and you know he's right (like what happened to us the other day), then humbly take what he's saying and don't try to defend yourself or make him feel better. Say nothing, just listen quietly. When he's done, continue be respectful in your actions - no going off and slamming doors, or walking away in a huff. He will cool down, if you let him. When and if he needs to discuss it (which he might not!), he'll bring it up later when he's ready. I know we women want to "communicate" and resolve it right away, but he doesn't have the same need! It may be that the best way for you to say "sorry," if you've offended him, is to show him that you are through consistent, dignified behavior. This is generally the way men do it with each other - so speak his language!
Keep Quiet About the Past - This one is particularly important for those recovering from infidelity. At the outset, let me say that I am not advocating a lack of communication or showing genuine admiration. What I am sharing is that your man is not interested in hearing about how wonderful he is (the implication to him being that this is compared to what he used to be), or what a "good family man" he is now. You can probably think of many other ways you or I might compliment our husbands - and that's how we truly mean it - but my eyes were recently opened to how he was interpreting my "compliments."
It was actually my seventeen year old son, who understands "guy things" just a little, that pointed this out to me. In my efforts to build my husband up, to encourage him spiritually (since I really do see so much progress there), I had been telling him that I trust him completely. I had come to realize that there's a big connection for men between being trusted and feeling respected and so I thought "reminding" my husband of this would be helpful. Well, on this one day I told him he was a good man and he sort of cringed.
Later, while I was reflecting on it, my son came up to me and said, "You know Mom, you've really got to quit telling Dad that he's a good man." What?!? I thought. I told him to explain. What he said was really brilliant. (Actually I told him afterward that I thought the Lord had given him those words.) He told me that when I said those things, especially out-of-the-blue, it was really telling him that I don't trust him, and that I'm still thinking about it. Wow! It was like a bop on the head because I knew he was absolutely right!
In fact, as confirmation of this, I suddenly realized that right after my husband had reacted that way, he had gone off down the hall muttering that I was still stewing over it. He thought we had resolved a particular issue and I appeared, through my "compliments," to still be thinking about it and fretting. I was trying so hard to prove my trust and admiration, that it backfired and resulted in negative feelings. Moral to the story - be sincere in your compliments, let them be timely and let them be few.
So, what do you think about Peter's teaching on quietness? Maybe you have some experience you'd like to share. Please feel free to comment here. Hope to hear from you soon!
In 1 Peter 3:1-6 we find the virtue (discipline) I'm talking about. It's one that I read over, probably a million times, and never really understood until this past year when I've had to face the issues revolving around my husband's affair. It's the beauty of quietness. Look with me at what Peter tells us. Verse 4 says, "But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God."
Now, maybe you're like me, who honestly used to imagine this to mean that we ought to be sober, moving about gracefully; that we should practice lovingly and gently touching our husband and children, and speaking to them in hushed tones. I was focused only on outward behavior (the should and shouldn't), and not the inward person of the heart. Sadly, sometimes, just sometimes, I would even read over these verses and not think much about them at all! I probably had other areas of "holiness" that I was working on so this just didn't seem that important.
So, if it's not these things, what exactly is a gentle and quiet spirit? Well, when I found myself in the position of the wife of 1 Peter 3:1 - you know, the wife whose husband was "disobedient to the Word," - I began a season of deep, soul-searching, crying-out-to-God prayer. I would pray for hours everyday. I would pray in the night, lying next to my cheating husband and begging God to save our marriage. I would remind God over and over, "This is your little family God, please intervene. Please don't let Satan have his way." I became willing to do whatever it was God would show me to do.
The first thing He showed me, in response to my request that God would endear me to my husband's heart, was the idea of unconditional respect. This was definitely not a one-time revelation, but occurred over many months through earnest prayer and searching God's Word. Now, I could probably write a whole series on what unconditional respect looks like - and maybe I will - but let me, for now, focus only on the concept of a gentle and quiet spirit.
When you think of gentleness, what do you think of? Do you think of it mainly in the physical realm? How you are to act? I certainly did. And boy, did I ever miss the point! What the Lord showed me instead was the controlling spirit I had; that I was attempting to be the Holy Spirit in my husband's life. Either by direct assault, or by sneaky, though well-intentioned ways I was trying hard to get him to see the error of his ways.
Let me give an example - maybe you've done something similar. I once tried to leave a book out, turned upside down but open to a certain page, in hopes that he would pick it up and read it. Upon reading it he would become so convicted that it would cause him to repent. And you know what? All my attempts, such as this one, utterly failed because I didn't see that God was going to do the work in Him, and I didn't have to! Nor should I. I'm so thankful the Lord showed me this. What the Bible really instructs us to do is to be gentle (this IS NOT the same as dropping subtle hints!) and respectful in the way we encourage our husband toward the things of God. And the way we do that leads to the second part of that phrase - by having a quiet spirit.
There are four ways the Lord has shown me I am to be quiet. When my heart is right with Him and I'm focused on doing His will, He gives me the strength to do it. Each of these discoveries have unfolded through the various growing pains of rebuilding our marriage:
Zip the Lips - This was the first, and most painful, one I had to learn. When my husband first came back to our family (he never actually physically left, but I refer to when he finally broke it off with the other woman), he was a spiritual mess. The other woman had worked hard at undermining any faith in God that he did have, and so he was really confused about things. I was so tempted to beg, cry, and plead with my husband. It hurt so bad to think that my man, who had been leading our family in devotions just six months earlier, now was so far from God that he wanted nothing to do with the Bible, church, or other Christians.
However, in the midst of this heartbreaking situation, God showed me again that wonderful verse, 1 Peter 3:1, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives." Wow - that verse says without a word! Now, you may be tempted, like me, to wonder how it's going to get done if you never say anything. However, unlike us women, men are not going to be won over by anything you say - in fact, he'll feel that you're controlling and nagging if you try. What he will do though is watch and "read" your actions.
You don't have to have a cheating husband to apply this. You'll be given many chances in the course of your marriage, whether it's a healthy or unhealthy relationship, to practice this kind of discipline. Your respectful, quiet behavior will convict him far more than any words. So, in summary: God means this most literally - He wants you to keep quiet! Any complaint, concern, or worry you have concerning your husband, take to God in prayer. Then sit back, in trust and confidence in your Heavenly Father, and watch what amazing things He will do! (See 2 Thes. 3:4 - Who was Paul's confidence in?)
Keep Quiet About What You're Doing - Okay, what do I mean here?!? Well, it's probably not what you're thinking. What I mean is this - don't tell him all the wonderful things you've been reading on the internet, or in the latest Christian marriage book, and how you're going to change (like I did at first when I told my husband how I was going to unconditionally respect him from now on). Keep it to yourself and he'll notice, and appreciate, those changes. Trust me, he doesn't want to know all the "insights" you've gained. It will more than likely make him feel preached at and like you're expecting some change in him - something he will resist if he's feeling pressured.
Keep Quiet When He Vents - This is a really hard one! But seriously, you can show him tremendous respect by not taking everything he says so personally! If he does happen to be venting about you, and you know he's right (like what happened to us the other day), then humbly take what he's saying and don't try to defend yourself or make him feel better. Say nothing, just listen quietly. When he's done, continue be respectful in your actions - no going off and slamming doors, or walking away in a huff. He will cool down, if you let him. When and if he needs to discuss it (which he might not!), he'll bring it up later when he's ready. I know we women want to "communicate" and resolve it right away, but he doesn't have the same need! It may be that the best way for you to say "sorry," if you've offended him, is to show him that you are through consistent, dignified behavior. This is generally the way men do it with each other - so speak his language!
Keep Quiet About the Past - This one is particularly important for those recovering from infidelity. At the outset, let me say that I am not advocating a lack of communication or showing genuine admiration. What I am sharing is that your man is not interested in hearing about how wonderful he is (the implication to him being that this is compared to what he used to be), or what a "good family man" he is now. You can probably think of many other ways you or I might compliment our husbands - and that's how we truly mean it - but my eyes were recently opened to how he was interpreting my "compliments."
It was actually my seventeen year old son, who understands "guy things" just a little, that pointed this out to me. In my efforts to build my husband up, to encourage him spiritually (since I really do see so much progress there), I had been telling him that I trust him completely. I had come to realize that there's a big connection for men between being trusted and feeling respected and so I thought "reminding" my husband of this would be helpful. Well, on this one day I told him he was a good man and he sort of cringed.
Later, while I was reflecting on it, my son came up to me and said, "You know Mom, you've really got to quit telling Dad that he's a good man." What?!? I thought. I told him to explain. What he said was really brilliant. (Actually I told him afterward that I thought the Lord had given him those words.) He told me that when I said those things, especially out-of-the-blue, it was really telling him that I don't trust him, and that I'm still thinking about it. Wow! It was like a bop on the head because I knew he was absolutely right!
In fact, as confirmation of this, I suddenly realized that right after my husband had reacted that way, he had gone off down the hall muttering that I was still stewing over it. He thought we had resolved a particular issue and I appeared, through my "compliments," to still be thinking about it and fretting. I was trying so hard to prove my trust and admiration, that it backfired and resulted in negative feelings. Moral to the story - be sincere in your compliments, let them be timely and let them be few.
So, what do you think about Peter's teaching on quietness? Maybe you have some experience you'd like to share. Please feel free to comment here. Hope to hear from you soon!
Friday, July 2, 2010
My Abortion Story, Part 3 - Set Free
Allow me to start this last section of my story by telling you that there truly is hope for every woman out there who has had an abortion. It doesn't matter who you are or where you've been. Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and He will set anyone free who wants it! He said in John 8:32 (the first verse I memorized after becoming a Christian), "...You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." So before you get to my story below, check out this video by my favorite Christian band, Casting Crowns. The song is called "Every Man" and recently I noticed the wonderful lyrics that relate to post-abortive women. It says, "I am the woman shamed and haunted by the cry of unborn life," no doubt referring to a woman who's aching with regret over her decision to abort; but at the end of the song it has the life-giving, encouraging words, "There is hope for every man, A solid place where we can stand, In this dry and weary land, There is hope for every man. There is love that never dies, There is peace in troubled times, Will we help them understand, Jesus is hope for every man."
Fast forward seven years. It was 1994. I was now married and my first child was just over a year old. The little town where we lived was having its annual festival and I was excited to put him in his stroller, walk around and take in the events.
During the course of the day I ran into many people I knew. Glancing up at one point I saw a lady I was acquainted with because I had designed the brochure for the crisis pregnancy center where she was director. With a warm smile she came over to say "hi." While we chatted, she began telling me that the Lord had something new for her and she was resigning her position at the center.
At first, I didn't think too much of it. Then I got that strange, tingly feeling. Soon I had the distinct impression that this meeting was a "God thing." She was telling me that they needed to find a new director. I was dumbfounded. I wondered why it felt like God was nudging me! I wasn't looking for a job. I was a stay-at-home mom. Besides, I didn't qualify to be the director of anything. I was wrestling through all this inwardly while she was talking. And then the question came to my mind - unbidden - What's today's date?
"Oh NO!" My thoughts tumbled around in my head as I tried to be sure. It was May 16. "Oh yes, child, it's that date," the gentle Voice said. The anniversary date of my abortion. The lady, Barb, unaware of the conflict raging inside my head, suddenly asked, "Do you think you'd be interested? I think you would do a great job." Looking at me intently, she waited for my response. "Um yes, I think I would be interested," I heard myself say. Unable to shake the feeling that this was a divine appointment, I agreed to fill out an application and submit my resume.
Two months later, as the new Executive Director of our local crisis pregnancy center, Barb was working with me to train me in. Up until that point, other than the people directly involved in my abortion, my husband was the only one who knew about it. However, now Barb and the Board members of the center also knew. Well, what was I supposed to do? Lie? It had been a question on the application. "Have you ever had an abortion or advised someone else to have one?" YES on both accounts! Hopefully they won't hold that against me I had thought. After all, that was before I was a Christian. On this particular afternoon though it was on Barb's mind and she asked me a pointed question: "Have you gotten healing for your abortion?"
So I told her the truth. That I had specifically repented of it when I got saved, but beyond that I hadn't given it much thought. And that was the truth - I really hadn't given it much thought because I didn't want to think about it. It was too painful. Much too painful.
Walking into the second room of our offices, she pulled a book off the shelf, handed it to me and asked if I would be willing to let her go through it with me. It was called, "Forgiven and Set Free" by Linda Cochrane, a Bible study written by a woman who knew first-hand what it was to have an abortion. I stared at the book in my hands. God was there with me in that moment. He was stirring me to new possibilities, new hope. And just like that, it was the beginning of my healing and restoration.
Over the next months we worked faithfully together on the book. I discovered more about God than I had ever known. I grew to love Him with a greater fervency and, more importantly, to understand His indescribable love for me in new and profound ways. Once again, I longed for God and His Word in ways that I hadn't since I was first saved.
The second thing that happened, however,was that I began to understand that what I had been going though was grief - and that grief is a process. It's a unique journey for everyone. You and I can both be post-abortive, but the way that experience will manifest itself in our lives can be totally different. I believe that much of that has to do with the individual things (past sins/idols of our hearts) that God desires to clean up in us in order to move us to freedom. For me, all the ways my abortion had affected me and colored my thinking was a slow process of discovery. Like a creature with many tentacles, it had reached its ugliness into nearly every area of my life. It took time to untangle all that. Those were the places where only God's illuminating light could reach and, eventually, redeem.
If you're reading this and are post-abortive, let me just stop and say right here - He CAN and He WILL do this for you too! He delights to do this for you. Believe what the Scripture says. In Isaiah 61, verse 1 it says of the Lord's Servant (Christ Jesus Himself), "He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, and freedom to prisoners." So are you broken-hearted today? He will bind up and heal your broken heart. He will do it for you, just as He did for me, because it glorifies Him to bring to pass in your life the very things these verses in Isaiah say He came to do.
However, maybe you don't think so - you don't feel you're broken-hearted. Is it possible you're in denial about it and instead are the prisoner He came to proclaim liberty to? Trust me - I know how it is to be a Christian and say that everything's okay. To actually think that it's unspiritual to say we need anything beyond our salvation in regard to our abortion. Or how about this one - to say that we've become caught up in psychology (psychobabble?) if we want healing? Yes, I know - and agree! - there is a lot of psychology mumble-jumble that has crept into the church today. I completely renounce that.
God's healing, however, is not psychology. It's knowing and being able to apply His Word to our life, to the deep places of our heart. If we are to adhere to Paul's instructions in Ephesians 6:1 of being "strong in the Lord and the strength of His might," how do we do it but by really knowing His Word? The last piece of armor spoken of in this passage is the "Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God." While all of the armor is important to stand firm against the schemes of the devil (verse 11), it's the Word in particular that we use as a weapon. By being filled with the Word we will know the truth and be able to defend ourselves against lies. If you've had an abortion, Satan will use every tactic in his book to defeat you by reminding you of that fact. He will heap guilt and shame on you. He will tell you that you're not as good as other Christians - etc., etc.
So what do you say - is it possible you need healing? For example, do you tell yourself over and over to forget about your abortion? Do you experience physical or uncomfortable feelings when abortion is mentioned in public? Do you find yourself avoiding books, magazines, or TV programs that deal with the subject of abortion? While these are just a few, they're good questions that can help you get started in thinking about your own experience and need.
Anyway, once I began to sense myself really moving forward I also sensed God doing something else. It was time to tell my story publicly. You see, for some time I had been sharing the ministry of the center at various churches, but never really sharing anything personal. Now I knew the time had come - and I was a nervous wreck! What would people think of me? What if they rejected me? Judged me? Disliked me? Oh, how fear gripped me! I thank the Lord though that He told me to get up - to stop being beaten down with false shame. He had delivered me from shame and guilt because His work on the cross was complete. Did I doubt that? Finally, He reminded me He had called me to this. I memorized 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
With a little trepidation I stepped up to the podium the first time to share the story of my abortion. It was a National Day of Prayer event and I had been invited to speak. I knew the time was right and as I told my experience I found I grew increasingly at ease with it. I had the peace of God. I also had the attention of the audience; all but one that is. She got up in the middle of my speech, stomped down the aisle, and slammed the door on the way out. Ouch! I don't know what her problem was but I remember thinking that she was probably post-abortive too!
There was still One More Thing that I needed to do to be completely healed but it came about four years later. The Board at the center where I worked had just decided that we needed to add a post-abortion ministry. There was a training seminar out west that spring and they thought I should go. I agreed but wanted a board member to go with me. They chose to grant my request and unanimously decided that our president, Caroline, should be the one. She smiled and said she would like that. The only problem was that she was having her own battle inside that none of us were aware of.
A short time later, probably within a week, she told me privately that she was also post-abortive; she had had two abortions during her college years. Wow, was I surprised! Her? She looked like a mature Christian woman who had it all together! Only then did I begin to realize that there is no "stereotypical" post-abortive woman. They come from all walks of life. Her problem though? After nearly twenty years of marriage her husband had no idea his wife had had any abortions! Do you see the secretiveness of it? The insidious way Satan uses it to keep us from true intimacy and transparency?
She knew she couldn't go until she had told him. Together we agreed to pray about it. Then one day the opportunity opened and she confessed what was long hidden away. It was absolutely wonderful! The grace he extended to her and the way he received it were a beginning to her healing. After she told him he replied, "I always felt like there was something between us, but now I know I have all of you."
Remember I said there was One More Thing? At the time I didn't know I needed it, but it came as Caroline and I went to the conference. We went through all the sessions, which were informative and exciting, and then came the final day. A memorial service. All week I had felt the Lord pressing on me. Besides being informative, the conference was also very emotional for most of us in that room. There were Kleenex boxes on each table for the attendees. For the first time, during that week, I had the distinct impression that the child I had aborted was a girl. God gave me a name - her name. Sylvana. I had never heard that name before, but I knew it belonged to my child, who was safe in the arms of Jesus. At the very end of the memorial service was a "Gathering of the Roses." Each person who so desired went silently forward to pick up a rose in memory of a child or children who had been aborted.
That was it. I needed closure and I got it that beautiful day. You should have seen Caroline and I guard those roses like mother hens on the flight home! We must have looked awfully funny to the other passengers.
Since that time she and I both have worked with a number of post-abortive women, going through that same Bible study I did sixteen years ago. It's been both a wonder and a privilege. We've seen so many miracles and incredible things that God has done.
So, what about you? What can you do if you've had an abortion and are hurting? The following things are some practical steps you may want to take right now:
1. Recognize and believe that God wants to heal you. Seek God in prayer; cry out to Him and don't be afraid. He already knows what's in your heart so there's no use hiding or holding back from Him. Then use a topical Bible - Nave's Complete Word Study Topical Bible
is a great one - to do a study on God's healing. I don't believe it's always his plan to physically heal us, but I believe His Word is clear on spiritual healing. It's an aspect of His divine power granting to us all things pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), of being in Christ, and being a new creature (2 Cor. 5:17). Additionally, the concepts of restoration and redemption are great keys to further your understanding.
2. Consider confiding in someone you trust. I know this is really hard. Pray about it though. If you do decide to tell someone and you're a Christian, this should be a sister in the Lord. If you're married, please ask the Lord how and when to go about telling your spouse. You definitely want to show respect to your husband and not just "dump on him." Proceed carefully and only with wisdom from the Lord.
The person you do confide in should be committed to praying for you. This is the reason for your confiding in them. This can be tremendously encouraging - don't underestimate the power of prayer!
3. Find a post-abortion ministry in your area. Ramah International is a Biblically sound ministry with a list of local ministries across the U.S. and internationally. Their website is: http://ramahinternational.org/. Sydna Masse, president and founder of Ramah, has a book entitled, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion
, which is also an excellent resource.
4. If you can't join a group, you can go through a Bible study with a friend. This is just what I did with Barb. While there's a lot of benefit in getting together with other post-abortive women so that you can relate and share experiences, having one person who cares and is willing to invest the time with you can be wonderful as well.
5. Read Christian novels that contain realistic and encouraging themes related to abortion. Two that I highly recommend are: "Tilly" by Frank Peretti and The Atonement Child
by Francine Rivers. Both use discretion and are tastefully done. Also, in addition to novels, there are many books that are the testimonies of women who have healed from abortion. These can be wonderfully uplifting as they describe God's faithfulness in others' lives.
I've listed just a few small steps you can take to get started. In future posts here I will hit on key issues of grieving and the post-abortive woman. As always, please feel free to contact me privately if you need someone to talk to. Email me at titus2homemaker@gmail.com.
"What a wonderful God we have - He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the One who so wonderfully comforts us and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us." 2 Cor. 1:3-4 TLB
Fast forward seven years. It was 1994. I was now married and my first child was just over a year old. The little town where we lived was having its annual festival and I was excited to put him in his stroller, walk around and take in the events.
During the course of the day I ran into many people I knew. Glancing up at one point I saw a lady I was acquainted with because I had designed the brochure for the crisis pregnancy center where she was director. With a warm smile she came over to say "hi." While we chatted, she began telling me that the Lord had something new for her and she was resigning her position at the center.
At first, I didn't think too much of it. Then I got that strange, tingly feeling. Soon I had the distinct impression that this meeting was a "God thing." She was telling me that they needed to find a new director. I was dumbfounded. I wondered why it felt like God was nudging me! I wasn't looking for a job. I was a stay-at-home mom. Besides, I didn't qualify to be the director of anything. I was wrestling through all this inwardly while she was talking. And then the question came to my mind - unbidden - What's today's date?
"Oh NO!" My thoughts tumbled around in my head as I tried to be sure. It was May 16. "Oh yes, child, it's that date," the gentle Voice said. The anniversary date of my abortion. The lady, Barb, unaware of the conflict raging inside my head, suddenly asked, "Do you think you'd be interested? I think you would do a great job." Looking at me intently, she waited for my response. "Um yes, I think I would be interested," I heard myself say. Unable to shake the feeling that this was a divine appointment, I agreed to fill out an application and submit my resume.
Two months later, as the new Executive Director of our local crisis pregnancy center, Barb was working with me to train me in. Up until that point, other than the people directly involved in my abortion, my husband was the only one who knew about it. However, now Barb and the Board members of the center also knew. Well, what was I supposed to do? Lie? It had been a question on the application. "Have you ever had an abortion or advised someone else to have one?" YES on both accounts! Hopefully they won't hold that against me I had thought. After all, that was before I was a Christian. On this particular afternoon though it was on Barb's mind and she asked me a pointed question: "Have you gotten healing for your abortion?"
So I told her the truth. That I had specifically repented of it when I got saved, but beyond that I hadn't given it much thought. And that was the truth - I really hadn't given it much thought because I didn't want to think about it. It was too painful. Much too painful.
Walking into the second room of our offices, she pulled a book off the shelf, handed it to me and asked if I would be willing to let her go through it with me. It was called, "Forgiven and Set Free" by Linda Cochrane, a Bible study written by a woman who knew first-hand what it was to have an abortion. I stared at the book in my hands. God was there with me in that moment. He was stirring me to new possibilities, new hope. And just like that, it was the beginning of my healing and restoration.
Over the next months we worked faithfully together on the book. I discovered more about God than I had ever known. I grew to love Him with a greater fervency and, more importantly, to understand His indescribable love for me in new and profound ways. Once again, I longed for God and His Word in ways that I hadn't since I was first saved.
The second thing that happened, however,was that I began to understand that what I had been going though was grief - and that grief is a process. It's a unique journey for everyone. You and I can both be post-abortive, but the way that experience will manifest itself in our lives can be totally different. I believe that much of that has to do with the individual things (past sins/idols of our hearts) that God desires to clean up in us in order to move us to freedom. For me, all the ways my abortion had affected me and colored my thinking was a slow process of discovery. Like a creature with many tentacles, it had reached its ugliness into nearly every area of my life. It took time to untangle all that. Those were the places where only God's illuminating light could reach and, eventually, redeem.
If you're reading this and are post-abortive, let me just stop and say right here - He CAN and He WILL do this for you too! He delights to do this for you. Believe what the Scripture says. In Isaiah 61, verse 1 it says of the Lord's Servant (Christ Jesus Himself), "He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, and freedom to prisoners." So are you broken-hearted today? He will bind up and heal your broken heart. He will do it for you, just as He did for me, because it glorifies Him to bring to pass in your life the very things these verses in Isaiah say He came to do.
However, maybe you don't think so - you don't feel you're broken-hearted. Is it possible you're in denial about it and instead are the prisoner He came to proclaim liberty to? Trust me - I know how it is to be a Christian and say that everything's okay. To actually think that it's unspiritual to say we need anything beyond our salvation in regard to our abortion. Or how about this one - to say that we've become caught up in psychology (psychobabble?) if we want healing? Yes, I know - and agree! - there is a lot of psychology mumble-jumble that has crept into the church today. I completely renounce that.
God's healing, however, is not psychology. It's knowing and being able to apply His Word to our life, to the deep places of our heart. If we are to adhere to Paul's instructions in Ephesians 6:1 of being "strong in the Lord and the strength of His might," how do we do it but by really knowing His Word? The last piece of armor spoken of in this passage is the "Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God." While all of the armor is important to stand firm against the schemes of the devil (verse 11), it's the Word in particular that we use as a weapon. By being filled with the Word we will know the truth and be able to defend ourselves against lies. If you've had an abortion, Satan will use every tactic in his book to defeat you by reminding you of that fact. He will heap guilt and shame on you. He will tell you that you're not as good as other Christians - etc., etc.
So what do you say - is it possible you need healing? For example, do you tell yourself over and over to forget about your abortion? Do you experience physical or uncomfortable feelings when abortion is mentioned in public? Do you find yourself avoiding books, magazines, or TV programs that deal with the subject of abortion? While these are just a few, they're good questions that can help you get started in thinking about your own experience and need.
Anyway, once I began to sense myself really moving forward I also sensed God doing something else. It was time to tell my story publicly. You see, for some time I had been sharing the ministry of the center at various churches, but never really sharing anything personal. Now I knew the time had come - and I was a nervous wreck! What would people think of me? What if they rejected me? Judged me? Disliked me? Oh, how fear gripped me! I thank the Lord though that He told me to get up - to stop being beaten down with false shame. He had delivered me from shame and guilt because His work on the cross was complete. Did I doubt that? Finally, He reminded me He had called me to this. I memorized 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
With a little trepidation I stepped up to the podium the first time to share the story of my abortion. It was a National Day of Prayer event and I had been invited to speak. I knew the time was right and as I told my experience I found I grew increasingly at ease with it. I had the peace of God. I also had the attention of the audience; all but one that is. She got up in the middle of my speech, stomped down the aisle, and slammed the door on the way out. Ouch! I don't know what her problem was but I remember thinking that she was probably post-abortive too!
There was still One More Thing that I needed to do to be completely healed but it came about four years later. The Board at the center where I worked had just decided that we needed to add a post-abortion ministry. There was a training seminar out west that spring and they thought I should go. I agreed but wanted a board member to go with me. They chose to grant my request and unanimously decided that our president, Caroline, should be the one. She smiled and said she would like that. The only problem was that she was having her own battle inside that none of us were aware of.
A short time later, probably within a week, she told me privately that she was also post-abortive; she had had two abortions during her college years. Wow, was I surprised! Her? She looked like a mature Christian woman who had it all together! Only then did I begin to realize that there is no "stereotypical" post-abortive woman. They come from all walks of life. Her problem though? After nearly twenty years of marriage her husband had no idea his wife had had any abortions! Do you see the secretiveness of it? The insidious way Satan uses it to keep us from true intimacy and transparency?
She knew she couldn't go until she had told him. Together we agreed to pray about it. Then one day the opportunity opened and she confessed what was long hidden away. It was absolutely wonderful! The grace he extended to her and the way he received it were a beginning to her healing. After she told him he replied, "I always felt like there was something between us, but now I know I have all of you."
Remember I said there was One More Thing? At the time I didn't know I needed it, but it came as Caroline and I went to the conference. We went through all the sessions, which were informative and exciting, and then came the final day. A memorial service. All week I had felt the Lord pressing on me. Besides being informative, the conference was also very emotional for most of us in that room. There were Kleenex boxes on each table for the attendees. For the first time, during that week, I had the distinct impression that the child I had aborted was a girl. God gave me a name - her name. Sylvana. I had never heard that name before, but I knew it belonged to my child, who was safe in the arms of Jesus. At the very end of the memorial service was a "Gathering of the Roses." Each person who so desired went silently forward to pick up a rose in memory of a child or children who had been aborted.
That was it. I needed closure and I got it that beautiful day. You should have seen Caroline and I guard those roses like mother hens on the flight home! We must have looked awfully funny to the other passengers.
Since that time she and I both have worked with a number of post-abortive women, going through that same Bible study I did sixteen years ago. It's been both a wonder and a privilege. We've seen so many miracles and incredible things that God has done.
So, what about you? What can you do if you've had an abortion and are hurting? The following things are some practical steps you may want to take right now:
1. Recognize and believe that God wants to heal you. Seek God in prayer; cry out to Him and don't be afraid. He already knows what's in your heart so there's no use hiding or holding back from Him. Then use a topical Bible - Nave's Complete Word Study Topical Bible
is a great one - to do a study on God's healing. I don't believe it's always his plan to physically heal us, but I believe His Word is clear on spiritual healing. It's an aspect of His divine power granting to us all things pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), of being in Christ, and being a new creature (2 Cor. 5:17). Additionally, the concepts of restoration and redemption are great keys to further your understanding.2. Consider confiding in someone you trust. I know this is really hard. Pray about it though. If you do decide to tell someone and you're a Christian, this should be a sister in the Lord. If you're married, please ask the Lord how and when to go about telling your spouse. You definitely want to show respect to your husband and not just "dump on him." Proceed carefully and only with wisdom from the Lord.
The person you do confide in should be committed to praying for you. This is the reason for your confiding in them. This can be tremendously encouraging - don't underestimate the power of prayer!
3. Find a post-abortion ministry in your area. Ramah International is a Biblically sound ministry with a list of local ministries across the U.S. and internationally. Their website is: http://ramahinternational.org/. Sydna Masse, president and founder of Ramah, has a book entitled, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion
, which is also an excellent resource.4. If you can't join a group, you can go through a Bible study with a friend. This is just what I did with Barb. While there's a lot of benefit in getting together with other post-abortive women so that you can relate and share experiences, having one person who cares and is willing to invest the time with you can be wonderful as well.
5. Read Christian novels that contain realistic and encouraging themes related to abortion. Two that I highly recommend are: "Tilly" by Frank Peretti and The Atonement Child
by Francine Rivers. Both use discretion and are tastefully done. Also, in addition to novels, there are many books that are the testimonies of women who have healed from abortion. These can be wonderfully uplifting as they describe God's faithfulness in others' lives.I've listed just a few small steps you can take to get started. In future posts here I will hit on key issues of grieving and the post-abortive woman. As always, please feel free to contact me privately if you need someone to talk to. Email me at titus2homemaker@gmail.com.
"What a wonderful God we have - He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the One who so wonderfully comforts us and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us." 2 Cor. 1:3-4 TLB
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