Persistence in Prayer

Listening to the radio the other day while doing housework, my attention became riveted on an encouraging message by Cheryl Brodersen. She shared some amazing insights on prayer. As many of you know, my husband and I have been going through a period of dealing with a prodigal child. I have chosen to place my son in the Lord's hands, trusting that He loves him more than I do. I have prayed hour upon hours for him. But still...There's always those times of fleshly weakness, those times of doubt. Are You listening, God? Are You really doing something in my son's life? I don't "see" anything happening!


Certainly God knows just what we need, when we need it. After listening to Cheryl's message I was re-energized to go before the Lord; I had renewed hope. And I am so excited about prayer again! The thing I really came away with is that it's not about how I feel. What I feel, and even what I see, may not be the spiritual reality. An answer to my prayer may simply be delayed. It may be that God is getting things prepared in order to answer that prayer. 


This was the case when the prophet Daniel prayed for understanding. While his prayer was heard immediately (Daniel 9:23), it took three weeks for Daniel to receive the answer (Daniel 10:13). Imagine that in your own life. Three weeks in the midst of a crisis feels like a long time to wait! We want answers now! If we were to just go by our feelings, some of us would lose heart and stop praying. While we read that Daniel "mourned" during this time, he also resolved to fast. But using his time wisely in fasting still could do nothing to hasten the answer. He had to wait. The reason, of course, was due to an unseen battle taking place in the spiritual realm: Satan's forces attempting to thwart the messenger of God.


Interestingly, as believers we are also told in the New Testament, in the Book of Ephesians, that we battle "not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12) For this reason we are to put on the full armor of God, described for us later in the chapter. The only piece of armor not listed is shin guards. The ancient Greeks called them "greaves." Now, why is this important? Why does it matter that Paul excluded greaves in his list of armor? I believe he didn't list them to make it obvious that God intends our warfare to be conducted ON OUR KNEES in prayer! Friend, this is a great truth. It is worth meditating on as you consider the importance of your prayer life.


So let me encourage you today. Maybe, just maybe, God is about to move in a big way in your situation. Like Daniel, have confidence that your prayers have been heard: they are before the throne of the Almighty. While you may not immediately "see" the results, you must trust that your prayers are powerful and will accomplish much. The Word of God tells us:


"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. " James 5:16

To listen and download this powerful message entitled "The Path of Prayer," just click on this link. I hope it encourages you as much as it did me!

I'd love to know what you think of the message after you've listened. It'd be great to get a discussion going about prayer. It's one of my favorite subjects! Maybe you have a testimony of answered prayer that you like to share? Please leave that in the comments section if you'd like.

Hope you have a good week as you keep your eyes fixed on Jesus!

The Butterfly Circus/ Encouragement for Struggling Believers

I am still here... just not writing much these days. We're continuing to have some real challenges with our son. I've been too tired to do anything beyond the everyday stuff that needs to get done! Have you ever been there? If so you can relate.

But God is faithful. As I just told a precious sister yesterday, He knows the beginning from the end. Our son is in His hands. Your situation, whatever it is, is in God's hands! I have a feeling someone reading this needs encouragement today so let me share two things: 

1.) Don't isolate yourself. If you're facing a battle in your life you need AN ARMY! You need sisters and brothers who will fight with you and storm the gates of hell in prayer. Don't allow the enemy to convince you that you should face it alone. Forget the lie that says you would be a bother to others. My dear friend - that's what the body of Christ is for. To bear one another's burdens! 

Look with me at what the Apostle Paul admonished believers: "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) Did you notice the last part of that verse? "Thereby fulfill the law of Christ." This means that when you ask another Christian to pray for you, you are actually helping them! How am I doing that? you might ask. You are helping them to mature and grow in Christ-likeness! You are helping that person to "fulfill the law of Christ." Have you ever thought of it that way? If not then I ask you to "chew" on that a bit. What a wonderful truth it is! Praying for one another is an absolute privilege. Right now I am praying for a dear reader and I count it a joy! So, please, if you're going through something, don't isolate. Instead seek prayer and counsel from other believers.

2.) Trust God yet ask Him for the grace to see a "glimpse" of what He's doing through your situation. What I mean is this: We can only see the past and the present (and even then we don't always see clearly). We certainly cannot see what's around the corner. In fact, you might compare our present reality to paddling a boat down a river. We can take in all the scenery as we pass by, but we are never able to see around the next bend. 

Furthermore, on some days we paddle in calm waters, and on others we go through nothing but rapids. And yet, in calm waters or rapids, in neither can we see what's just ahead. But I wonder: Why is it we tend to only fret about what lies ahead when we're in the midst of rapids? When things are going our way - when the water is placid, the scenery beautiful - all is good and we have a sense of peace. Hey - we're trusting God! 

But the minute the waters begin to churn....? Oftentimes when that happens we turn to self-comfort and our own (limited) understanding of things.

Friend, let me suggest another perspective for you. Consider this: While you and I are paddling downriver, only seeing what is around us, God is above - like an eagle. He has excellent eyesight to see the whole picture! Rather than merely having our "linear" perspective, He sees around the next bend in the river. But, even better than the eagle, God's "eyesight" is so keen that He's also able to see the end of all things. 


It's easy to forget this when you're hurting and you want easy answers. But His promise to you is to not only "work all things together for good" (Romans 8:28), but to also work "all things after the counsel of His will." (Ephesians 1:11) This means that not only is our God all-knowing, but that He in His wisdom actually allows the trials we face to come into our lives. They are trials "with a purpose." His purpose. Dear sister, trust that not only is the Lord sovereign, but that He is also loving. Remember, the Word tells us that He actually IS love. He would never do or allow anything to destroy you. That is what the enemy wants to do. (John 10:10) God will only prune you (John 15:2) - which may hurt - but He intends it for your growth and fruit-bearing. You can trust your heavenly Father's heart.

Finally, let me say that this is what the Lord did in my life. Though my husband's adultery was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced, it has brought about tremendous blessings in the end. My relationship with Jesus is deeper and more intimate than ever. I also have a strong marriage today because of the things God taught me in the process of restoring it. In some ways, strange as it is to say this, my husband's affair was probably the best thing to happen to us. So although you may not be able to see the "end" of your trial right now, ask God for hope. Ask Him to give you a peek into what He's currently doing in your life. Pray for the grace to believe that what the devil intends for evil, God intends for good. I believe He will give you the reassurance you desire.

Here are two verses that I hope will encourage you in these truths:

"It is good for me that I was afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes." Psalm 119:67

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Finally, for the rest of my readers, I want to share the following short film with you. It's truly amazing! I was so blessed by it that I felt I needed to post it here. I have been a "fan" of Nick Vujicic for some time and it was great to see that he is a fine actor as well!

Please come back to comment if you get a chance. I'd love to hear what you think. May you grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ this week!

The Butterfly Circus - HD from The Butterfly Circus on Vimeo.

The Power of Praying God's Word for a Prodigal

You know... I feel bad that I'm STILL not done with the second post of Biblical vs. False Femininity but I do want you to know that I am working on it - just in bits and pieces. A little here and a little there. At the same time I need to be honest and tell you that the reason for this is that my husband and I are where many Christian parents have found themselves - in the midst of dealing with a prodigal child.


Our son is still in our home; but barely. We actually had to ask him to leave for several days and only took him back after laying down some extreme boundaries. These are things we are expecting him to abide by if he wants to stay until he leaves for college. But it's been tense and difficult. Lately all I've got some days to comfort me is my relationship with my steadfast Heavenly Father, and that wonderful avenue to seeking Him - prayer.

And just like I did for my husband two summers ago, I find myself praying anew through God's Word - heartfelt prayers for brokenness and repentance in my son. But I find that I'm stronger now. I'm more able to handle this because my trust is not in myself - not even in my prayers. My faith has been established because God has proven Himself faithful to our family  - He brought us through the awful trial of my husband's adultery - and now, in this, I am confident He won't let us down either.

Not for one day have I "let up" praying for my family since that gut-wrenchingly hard summer of 2009; and so my prayers for my son are not less frequent - just more intense. More focused on him. I'm finding the blessing of searching God's Word for:

1) New insights - Things that I, as a parent, need to consider and be wise about 

2) Power - The power of His own Word prayed over the needs in our son's life 

Friend, there's a little verse in Psalm 37 that's worth sharing. Verse 8 says, "...Do not fret; it leads only to evildoing." My question for you is this - Are you experiencing the heartbreak today of a prodigal loved one? It could be a spouse, child, parent, or sibling. Or perhaps a neighbor or dear friend. What are you doing with that? If you are praying and trusting God with that person as Paul did with the Thessalonians (2 Thessalonians 3:4) that's great! Keep it up! God Himself will be your reward. 

"And without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him." Hebrews 11:6

But if you're not... if instead you're fretting, may I encourage you to dig into His Word and start praying! Remember, fretting is worrying, being troubled, and not trusting God. It's getting your eyes off Him, and on to your situation. It's motivated by fear. All these things will lead you away from God and toward what the Bible calls "evildoing" in Psalm 37:8. Instead, I plead with you to use that "energy" for something positive and discover the power of praying the Word and applying it in new and relevant ways. In case you missed my article about my own prayer journey through infidelity which includes Scriptures and tips for how to pray through the Word, please refer back to the post, Scripture Prayer for Marriages in Trouble or Recovery.

In the last week I've been challenged by the book Praying Your Prodigal Home: Unleashing God's Power to Set Your Loved Ones Free by Richard Burr. I would highly recommend it to anyone dealing with a child who has gone astray. Right now, to capture more of a feel for it, I'd like to share part of a wonderful review of the book written by Dr. Gayle Woods:

"Richard Burr emphasizes the importance of praying the Word of God. He states, 'The underlying combination of God’s Word with the ministry of prayer releases the divine power of God to produce unfathomable results.' (p. 33) Throughout the book he gives examples of how he and his wife prayed the Word of God as they interceded for their son. As he says, '. . . prayer without the Word leads to mysticism and false religion, and the Word without prayer leads to legalism and dead orthodoxy.' (p. 36) In urging the parent to intercede for their children, Burr underscores the point that prayer must go beyond a supplemental activity and become a foundational, fundamental ministry. (p. 48)"

Did you catch that first quote? It's amazing! And what's more - it's entirely true! Look at what it says again: "The underlying combination of God's Word with the ministry of prayer releases the divine power of God to produce unfathomable results." (Emphasis added) Oh, I hope this encourages you! Imagine what an absolute privilege the Lord has simultaneously granted us in having the Word and access to the throne of grace! His throne - which we are commended in Hebrews 4:16 to approach with confidence! Not with feelings of reproach or fear, but with total confidence in His love and acceptance of us. (Ephesians 1:5) Additionally, we can have confidence that He loves our son, daughter, husband, wife, etc. more than we do - and that their salvation is His desire, too. (2 Peter 3:9) Therefore, in light of these truths, my prayer for you my suffering friend, and for me, is that God will grant us, "...All joy and peace in believing, so that (we) will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Roman 15:13) 


If any of you reading this feel like you need to talk, you are welcome to contact me by email. I also love to receive comments here on the blog. May God be the God of all comfort (2 Corinthians 1:3) to each and every one this week!

She Smiles at the Future

"Strength and dignity are her clothing,
         And she smiles at the future."
Proverbs 31: 25




Everyday I pray that the Lord would clothe me with strength and dignity, and help me to smile at the future. Sometimes I give very little thought to what the phrase, "She smiles at the future" really means. This morning, however, it struck me as I was praying it. I decided that I truly did have a reason to smile. I realized that despite the difficult and trying circumstances Aaron and I are in because of a certain family member, the Lord gives me many things to smile about. It does not matter that the future of this situation is uncertain and I don't know how it will turn out, the Lord is still the same and nothing can separate me from His love. (Romans 8:38)

Anyway, as this revelation came over me while praying Proverbs 31:25, I cried out, "Lord, I can smile at the future because of Your grace and Your love, because You have cast my sins as far as the east is from the west; just because of who You are. You are my Father and I am Your child. You are all-powerful, all-knowing, and all-wise. Jesus, You are the Creator of Heaven and Earth, yet my Savior and Friend. I can smile, Lord, because I know that Your tender mercies are renewed day by day..." I prayed like this for some time. By the time I was done I was feeling about ten pounds lighter and ready to tackle my day.

Friend, can I encourage you today to consider that you, too, can smile at the future? Pray to God as I did; but do so by first going to God's Word and looking up all you can about who He is. Then, as you pray, list His attributes and recite His promises. Write them down. Once I challenged myself to write down ten things about God each day for two weeks and it was such a blessing! I'm sure it would be to you as well.

Please forgive me for being late in posting the next "D" in my Obstacles to Healing series. We really are going through a hard time right now and I would covet your prayers. I do hope to post yet this week though. Until next time then, may God's presence be with you!

Becoming Christ-Like Through Suffering

"Though the fig tree should not blossom
      And there be no fruit on the vines,
 Though the yield of the olive should fail
      And the fields produce no food,
 Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
      And there be no cattle in the stalls,

 Yet I will exult in the LORD,
      I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.

 The Lord GOD is my strength,
      And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,
     And makes me walk on my high places."

Habakkuk 3:17-19

There is something I wanted to share with you that the Lord has kept bringing me back to these last few days. It sort of goes along with the entire reason I started this blog: Dealing with suffering. The verses above are some of my favorite in the entire Bible that specifically address this issue of suffering. I absolutely love the conclusion the prophet comes to in this passage. Listen again to his passionate declaration of faith:

"Yet I will exult in the LORD,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation.
The Lord GOD is my strength,
And He has made my feet like hinds’ feet,
And makes me walk on my high places."

Now, while it's true that our "old man" and our flesh cringe at the thought of suffering; yet our new man, which has been created in the likeness of God (Ephesians 4:24), views it rightfully, in the light of Christ's suffering. In the Spirit we realize that our suffering can never equal the amount of His suffering. Furthermore, our new nature rejoices that we may be a partaker with Him in suffering. So the question for you and me is this: Which "man" will we listen to?

Before you answer that question though, consider this verse which I want to highlight here:

 "Although He was a Son, He learned obedience from the things which He suffered." (Hebrews 5:8)

Amazing! This verse tells us that Jesus "learned" to be obedient through His suffering. If the perfect Son of God had to learn obedience in this manner, how much more do frail and weak humans need this training method?

Once we get a hold of this we'll see God's mercy in our suffering. For it is such times that we find opportunity to walk in Christ's footsteps; an opportunity to crucify our flesh, take up our cross, and follow Him. Let me state emphatically that the entire Bible, as well as the testimony of believers down through the ages to the very present, tell us that those times in which we are put to the test and challenged to take the high road, can encourage the growth and maturation of our character like no other. This is why the Lord's brother exhorts us, "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4) 

In the passage from Hebrews 5 (above) verse 9 follows and gives us further encouragement. "And having been made perfect, He became to all those who obey Him the source of eternal salvation." Now, while Jesus obeyed perfectly, we will not due to our weaknesses. However, we do have the hope of becoming more like Christ as we obey and surrender our lives to Him in increasing measure; and as we do the hard things He asks of us in the face of difficulties. Remember, He is the author and perfecter of our faith. (Hebrews 12:2) As the "writer" of our lives, then, He allows challenges to come our way which will cause us to grow and become moldable, much the way a writer works to develop and shape the characters in his book. God does all this in order to bring about the things which are pleasing in His sight. (Hebrews 13:21) 

Finally, continuing on in verse 9, we see that Jesus was made perfect and thus became the source of eternal life. So perfect was His obedience that He did not fail to obey when he had to endure the worst suffering possible - death on a cross. Let's really consider this! Being crucified was a horrific way to die and indicative of the cruelty of the Romans. Truly, throughout history, it has been one of the most awful forms of execution known to man. But Jesus was no ordinary man! The rest of Hebrews 12:2 tells us this: "...(Jesus) who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." His obedience through suffering led to His joy, which was in making a way to the Father for others; for even now He sits at God's right hand making intercession for us.  (Romans 8:34) 

So then, we wonder - of what value is our obedience? Let me say, friend, that it's of significant value! You see, verse 9 tells us that He who obeyed perfectly became the source of eternal life to those who, in turn, obey Him. So when you or I obey from the heart, through the hardest trials, the most grueling times, we are a shining light. Others are watching, to see what we will do and how we will respond. They want to know: Will we be faithful to the Word, or will we desert our God and go the way of the world? Friend, when you or I take up our cross and follow Him, though the way be hard and we be ridiculed, laughed at, or spit upon, the world does see. It does take notice. And for those lost souls whose hearts the Father has prepared - while we ourselves are not the source of eternal life - we may, through our testimony, lead them to the One who is.

In closing, remember that I said above, "Those times in which we are put to the test and challenged to take the high road, can encourage the growth and maturation of our character like no other?" I used the word "can" for a reason. That is because some of us, for various reasons, will choose not to do what God's Word says in difficult times. These reasons may include: listening to and following our feelings or the advice of other people, wanting our rights, misunderstanding or misapplying Scripture, waiting for another person to do what's right first, and on and on it goes. Trust me, I know. I have certainly been there and have had all the excuses. I have even blamed PMS! So then, I'd like to share a quote that I hope you'll really think about: 

We all know people who have been made much meaner and more irritable and more intolerable to live with by suffering: it is not right to say that all suffering perfects. It only perfects one type of person ...... the one who accepts the call of God in Christ Jesus. -Oswald Chambers

I ask myself, therefore, will I accept the call of God in Christ Jesus? Will you, dear sister? I don't know what your trial is, but I do know that the reward of obedience is infinite! Who knows but that you or I may have the blessed experience of leading another soul to Christ because they see something different in us.

Next time I will be writing about the third "D" in my series on obstacles to healing. I'm really excited about the last two because they will really zero in on very specific issues related to healing from adultery. I hope to post tomorrow or Monday. God bless your day!

Identifying & Overcoming Obstacles to Healing - Part 1: Disillusionment

Yesterday, as I was putting together some thoughts on the subject that I had intended to write about, I felt strongly that perhaps I've given the wrong impression. I wonder if I've made it seem that everything has been wonderful and rosy for Aaron and I during the process of healing our marriage. Almost as if, through prayer, every day has been better than the last.

Well, let me just assure you, in case you've been reading this blog and comparing notes; if you're thinking to yourself that some days are just plain BAD between you and your spouse, that that's definitely been the case with us as well. There have been some bad days. Some really bad days. It hasn't always been a stroll through the park. However, let me also emphasize this: although there have been times when we seemed to be taking two steps forward then one step back, overall it's been very good. The Lord has been faithful and we continue to learn and grow together. Additionally, I should add here that Aaron's spiritual growth, as well as mine, has also not always appeared to be moving forward. In fact, it's been a cycle of ups and downs; but again, the overall sense has definitely been one of growing in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

Maybe an analogy will help. I enjoy growing African Violets. I have four plants of different varieties. At times, they amaze me with their growth; they seem to be outgrowing their pots when I've just barely put the potting soil away. Other times, I ask myself, "What's wrong with these plants?" I wonder why one is looking yellow, while another has ugly spots on its leaves. What's more, there's the flowers - each plant seems to bloom at a different time! However, one thing is certain: They're all growing. I'd even say that they're all thriving. It's just that sometimes it's more apparent than at other times.

To be sure, conditions will affect the plants: Are they getting enough water? Am I watering the proper way or am I being careless? Are they receiving the right amount of light? Anyway, you get the idea. If any of these details are neglected or overlooked, they will suffer. Sometimes, though, they just aren't growing as fast for no particular reason; there is nothing I could change or do that would make them grow any faster.

It's the same with us and our marriage restoration. Sometimes you and your spouse will really seem to be growing as a couple, and other times you won't. There will be periods when things are blooming, and periods when there may be some ugly "spots" in your marriage. Some days you may just need to pray about what conditions need to be changed. All this is totally normal! Just like I would never give up on any of those plants - I have nursed at least one African Violet that looked to be at death's door back to health - so you and I should not give up on our marriages either.

Therefore, in this post I hope to encourage those of you who right now may be feeling discouraged about your marriage restoration. In this and the next post I'm going to identify what I'm calling the "four Ds:" obstacles that can keep us from moving forward in that process, and how we can overcome them. Additionally, I believe that even if you aren't working through marriage issues, but are facing a different trial, this post is for you, too, as these are common challenges to anyone working to heal.

First thing then, before we get started, I'd like to give you a verse to cling to on deep, dark days that is very fitting: "For a just [man] falleth seven times, and riseth up again..." (Proverbs 24:16) Simply put, this means don't give up! As my pastor said recently - keep doing the right thing, for the right reason. If you've fallen down, messed up, or just feel discouraged - get up and try again. Remember God's faithfulness; in light of it, will you believe that He'll see you through? Dear sister, I know He will. Not one situation, from near disaster to the smallest bump in the road, in the healing of your marriage, escapes His notice. He knows about it already and desires to give you the answer because His Word tells us, "He layeth up sound wisdom for the upright." ((Proverbs 2:7) Praise God for this and let it encourage you.

Four Obstacles to Marriage Restoration

To begin, let me say that I experienced every one of these obstacles to healing at various times during the rebuilding of our marriage. While each of them may naturally occur when working through a painful situation, it seemed in my case as if Satan kept attempting to exploit them to bring about his own purposes. How good he is at rubbing salt into an open wound! Thankfully we have the verse of Scripture which tells us, "You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world." (1 John 4:4) The Lord helped me to stand strong. Looking back, however, I can see that had I allowed any of these to take hold of me, our story might have had a different ending. 

But before we go on, please allow me to give you this warning up front: Beware lest you allow the enemy to come in through any one of these four Ds, much like the "fiery darts" spoken of in Ephesians 6:16; plummeting you and/or your marriage into ruin. We know that Satan would love nothing more; for he comes to steal, kill, and destroy. (John 10:10) On the other hand, please also be encouraged. They don't have to if you learn to identify and handle them Biblically. With that said, then, let's go ahead and take a look at what these four obstacles are:

1. Disillusionment: This is what happens when we look too much to the past, idealize it, and long to recapture it. However, in the case of adultery, there comes the inevitable raw moment. Sometime, during the process of restoration, we face the truth about life before the affair, though perhaps we'd rather not. We may go back and forth for some time, trying to believe that our marriage was really good before all "this" happened - and just wanting that back. It's possible to wander around in limbo like this for a while, unable to wrap our mind around the fact that what we believed about ourselves, and our marriage, may not have been true. It's natural, during this time, to go back to holding on to our illusion with wistful thoughts like, "That was before the affair," or, "Back in the good 'ol days."

Often disillusionment will be accompanied by deep regret and an impossible wish to turn back the clock - to a time, I might add, that never really existed! I cannot overstate how many days I spent in this pit; fantasizing that I'd open my eyes and it would have all been a bad dream. The longing for a better place and time would be so intense at times that it would be physically painful. I've read that this is an almost universal feeling shared by betrayed spouses.

However, the actual realization of the truth - ie, the moment of disillusionment with the past - isn't what keeps us from moving forward. Rather, it's the defeated feeling of "What's the use then of trying to repair this marriage?" that results from it, that is most often the cause. Notice my use of the word "defeated" in that last sentence. I chose it because not only does it really describe that feeling (and just so happens to be another "D" word); but it also emphasizes the spiritual truth of what the enemy wants us to be - defeated! That's why recognizing disillusionment for what it is, and realizing that the past does not dictate the future, may help.

So how can you recognize if you're stuck in this state? My answer is simple: Wishing, wishing, wishing - that's the main "symptom." If you find that you want to be more in the make-believe past, than in the grievous present, it's possible you're experiencing disillusionment. Oh, how I empathize with you, friend, if you're struggling with this right now!

Now, what can we do to tackle this with God's wisdom? First, I think it begins with a question. I want you to be brutally honest - if things were really all that great before, then why was there an affair in the first place? Ouch - I know that one hurts because eventually I had to ask myself that question too. And face the answer squarely. I needed to do this whether I felt like it or not.

But maybe you're going through a different trial - then let me ask this: What is it that God was perhaps trying to deal with you before this happened that you shrugged off or ignored? No matter which of these questions you ask yourself (or maybe both!), you will need to be in prayer and ask God to reveal the answer to you. Beyond this, think on God's Word. What does the Bible say about dwelling in the past? Is it ever recommended? That's a rhetorical question but one that I hope makes a point. Of course we're not to dwell in the past; only learn from it. Remember what the Apostle Paul tells us: "...one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead." (Philippians 3:13)

So then, I'm encouraging you, if you haven't already, to remove any blinders you may be wearing. See your past, including your own actions and behavior, for what it really is. I know it's possible that some might say, "Oh, but that's scary, I'm not sure I want to probe too much into the past." However, it's important to find out what the Bible has to say about this. (You may wonder where I'm going with this, but bear with me). It tells us that the only way to be free, and subsequently experience healing, is to know the truth. John 8:32 says, "And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."  Additionally, Clarke's commentary on this verse says, "No man is truly free, but he in whose heart the power of sin is destroyed."

Now, I can't tell you what sin you need to be free from, but I can tell you this: If there's been an affair - emotional or physical, it matters not - there is, without a doubt, something in your marriage history that is not right, and is sin. Yes, I know that your husband sinned too - maybe even more - but that isn't for you to worry about. That's God's job; you just worry about you. In my case, it didn't take too long in asking God to show me my sin, that which had contributed to the breakdown of our marriage, for Him to do it. I will be sharing this with you soon. I know this will sound blunt, but for the sake of the future get out of the past and face the truth! This will be the only way to destroy the power of that sin, whatever it may be, from ever hurting you and your marriage again.

In closing this first post on this subject let me remind you that God's Word, in Psalm 19:12, says, "Who can understand his errors? Cleanse thou me from secret faults."

Secret faults. Do you have any? In one commentary it says that the psalmist was referring to errors and faults which had been hidden from the eye of him who had committed them. How true! We are truly blind to our own faults. But the good news is that through the power and ministry of the Holy Spirit we have God's Holy Light so that we may exult, "...In Your light we see light," (Psalm 36:9) and our destructive ways may be revealed and healed.

In summary, then, if you're dealing with disillusionment here are three ways to overcome it: 1) Ask yourself tough questions about the past. 2) Face the truth about the past and stop dwelling there. (If necessary, remind yourself often that, in reality, it wasn't all it should have been.) 3) Discover your faults, confess them to God, and ask Him to help you change.

I hope to post Part 2 tomorrow or Wednesday, Lord willing. So glad you stopped by! May He be the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort to you this week! (2 Corinthians 1:3)

Patient Forgiveness - More of My Story

"Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you." Colossians 3:13

I can think of three separate instances where I've needed to develop patience in regards to forgiveness this past year and a half. All are related and each one required the same resolve; but before I tell you about that, please allow me to tell you a little more of my story. I have chosen to be very transparent here, which is hard in many ways. However,I hope that by doing so I may encourage you.

Of course, as I've mentioned numerous times, the person I had an issue with struggling to forgive was the other woman my husband had an affair with during the summer of 2009. For about 3 1/2 months I went on without any forward progress in forgiving her. It was at that time that I got a phone call from Julie who, although an acquaintance, was not a close friend of mine. She had absolutely no idea about Aaron's affair; nor could she have known I was struggling with unforgiveness, save the Lord showing her. Which is exactly what happened, through a dream she had. In this dream, Aaron and I were going through a divorce because I wouldn't forgive and had become bitter. Awaking from it, God clearly said to her, "Now call and warn her."

When she phoned that day she didn't tell me the details of the dream - just that she had had a dream. However, she did make it clear that the Lord was warning me about unforgiveness. My response to this was that I was simultaneously touched by what the Lord had done, as well as scared. I mean I literally had goosebumps! I knew that I'd been holding on to things and that I even felt justified doing it. Not long before this, my pastor had mentioned that I needed to forgive this woman. While outwardly I agreed with him, inwardly I resented it. To be really honest, though it was unreasonable, I felt like he was taking her side! Anyway, Julie and I talked at length. Gently, but firmly, she led me to see how I was allowing Satan a foothold in my life.

After we hung up I checked on the kids and made sure they would be alright a while. The rest of the morning was spent fasting and praying. I was pretty humbled at this point. Deep in my heart I knew I couldn't go on like that - hating that woman and finding it impossible to stop dwelling on the hurt she had caused, or to wish her well. I also knew that my marriage would never really heal until I forgave her. I was overcome with conviction. I asked God to forgive me of my unforgiveness and renounced my involvement with this sin. As I also told you before, from that point on I decided I would forgive this woman. Unfortunately, it was no simple task; the ol' saying "Easier said than done" would perfectly describe my internal conflict for the next couple months.

I really didn't know what to do next. So I began searching the Scriptures about forgiveness. It sounded pretty cut and dry, which honestly frustrated me. As of yet, I still lacked the understanding that it was a choice, not a feeling. I wanted to feel it! I beat myself up, over and over again, because my emotions betrayed me. I'd "forgive" (meaning that I felt good and charitable about doing it), only to "take it back" when I felt angry with her again. Back and forth, up and down, I went. Can you guess who I was growing impatient with in all this? If you guessed me, you're right! What I eventually came to learn, however, is that while forgiving is a choice, most often it takes patience in continually doing what is right, before the hurt is totally released. In a minute, I'll share something I read with you that helped me tremendously in coming to understand this.

The second thing that tried my patience was this woman herself. If you've ever had someone try to hurt you and your family in a malicious way, and then say they did nothing - then you know what I mean! Sometimes it's hard to forgive someone who asks forgiveness, but how much harder when they don't! While I'm not going to rehearse everything she did here (there's really so many different things she did to each one of my family members), the one thing I'll share with you is that she never admitted to her misconduct.

"This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, And says, "I have done no wrong." Proverbs 30:20

While Aaron was still involved in the affair I had thought about confronting her, but he told me it would do no good because she kept claiming she had done nothing wrong. In fact, even in the end she sent a final text message to my husband the day after he broke it off which sadly demonstrated this. I believe I can quote it verbatim: "You should keep your marriage drama to yourself and leave innocent people like me alone." Now, let me tell you that when I read this it made my blood boil! "Yeah right! Innocent people!" I seethed. What's more, she was going around telling friends of mine, those she knew were aware of her involvement with my husband, that she was "disgusted" by his behavior - coming on to her when he was married and all.

So what did I do with all that? I stayed mad - for months! Then I got the aforementioned phone call, which brought on the period of time I'm calling, "The Crisis of Forgiveness." Again, choosing to forgive her was challenging because she never asked me. I had to "bear with (her)," as it says in the above verse from Colossians, despite this. No excuses! The Lord didn't give me a "pass" from doing what's right just because this person chose not to. Once more, God in His mercy, was also using this facet of the situation to develop long-suffering and patience in me.

Well, just when you think things are getting better - BAM! No really - that's just about what it's like. You're totally broad-sided by something else. But you know what? This time it was different and the Lord had been preparing me for it. I was already well on my way to recovering from the hurt, as well as experiencing freedom through forgiveness, when another hurdle arose. This time a rumor that was startling, and perhaps the worse lie anyone had ever said about me, reached my ears. Now this same woman was telling people that she had been pursued by my husband last year, and because of that I had tried committing suicide! I was dumbfounded - nothing could have been further from the truth. The Lord had been my rock and refuge; not once had I entertained thoughts of dying.

The answer to all of this was simple; in bottom-line language it was patience. I'm reminded of when the Apostle Paul implored (begged, entreated) God three times to make his "thorn in the flesh" depart. (2 Corinthians 12:7-8) Oh how he must have bore it patiently while waiting for God to take it away! Similarly, it seemed I had to bear patiently with this woman and my own response to her - three different times. And how about you - maybe your offender has kept piling on the offenses; three, four, or perhaps even more? But wait a minute -  as we read on in that passage we see that God didn't take Paul's thorn away after all. Instead, the Lord's loving response to him was, "My grace is sufficient for you..." (verse 9). Therefore, from this we may be sure that God, through His matchless grace, supplied all Paul's need - and likewise, will supply yours and mine as well! To fulfill His purposes, He didn't take my "thorn" away; and He probably won't take yours either.

However, His grace will supply you with the power you need to grow the fruit of patience. It's possible that you may agree with this 100%, but you're wondering how you can apply this to your life in practical terms. For me, one thing I found while Googling on the Internet really helped shed light on the how-to of bearing patiently in forgiveness. Let me start with a BIG disclaimer though first! The quote I am going to share is from Rick Warren, whose theology and philosophy I completely disagree with, but whose statement ministered to me in an immense way. I actually printed it out so I could refer to it often. I hope you'll find it challenging as well:

"Every time you remember how you've been hurt, release it. It's got to be constant. When Jesus was asked how often we should forgive someone who sins against us, He said seventy times seven. Or, in other words, we just keep forgiving.

"How do you know when you've totally released the hurt? It doesn't hurt anymore. You might have to forgive someone a thousand times to make that a reality. But every time the pain comes to your mind you say, 'God, I give it to you again. For the hundredth time, Lord, I'm letting them off the hook and relinquishing my right to get even.' Every time you rehearse it, you make the pain go deeper (my emphasis). But every time you release it, the pain gets weaker in your life." - Rick Warren

So, if you're practical like me, it's simply a matter of giving it to the Lord over and over again. It's releasing and relinquishing time and again. Keep doing it and over time you will build your "forgiveness muscles." What seemed so hard will become easier. That's how it was in my life by the time I heard of the rumor going around about me. I'd already been spiritually "working out" for a while and I was able to handle this new obstacle with grace. In fact, I quickly dismissed it and didn't allow it to bother me.

Now, please look again with me at the quote above. He says, "How do you know when you've totally released the hurt? It doesn't hurt anymore." I praise God that is true! One day, several months ago, the kids and I were driving through town. We were stopped at a red light when I noticed that woman in her vehicle opposite me. It was the first time I'd seen her in a long time. I noted it in my mind, but didn't think too much of it. It wasn't until we were at the other end of town that I recognized what had happened. I saw her and had absolutely no emotional reaction to it! I was free! I truly give the Lord all the glory and credit for that.

Today, however, my heart is heavy for someone - maybe it's you, my sister in the Lord. Please know that while God did this work in me, He wants very much to do it in you also. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.''' (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV) I will be praying for you.

Next time, Lord willing, I'll finish up with this series on forgiveness. Just two more points! I've never been able to keep anything short - but I promise I'll try! Until then, "The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace." (Numbers 6:24-26)

What I've Learned Through My Husband's Affair

For the last several weeks I've had a draft which I started to write that deals with abortion, but each time I go to work on it I feel "nudged" to write about my husband's affair instead. I'm not sure why that is, but if it's God then I want to be obedient!

Anyway, I think what I really want to do is share some hope through these next few posts. I can hardly believe it's already been over fourteen months since that ugly morning I found out about the other woman in my husband's life. And yet, in a good and healthy way it seems an eternity ago too. I think that's because the marriage I have now is vastly different than the relationship I had with Aaron before his affair. Vastly better! I honestly believe that this can be the outcome of anyone - man or woman - who seeks the Lord earnestly and is willing to "stand in the gap" on behalf of their marriage.

Since I tend to get a little long-winded (sorry!), I want to share the things that I've learned in the face of adultery over several posts - each week focusing on one point. At any time during this series please feel free to contact me by private email if you're in this situation and need encouragement, titus2homemaker@gmail.com. While I had wonderful, godly friends who stood by me, whose help was immeasurable, at times I really felt like I needed to talk to someone who had been there. To a woman who could relate. Since none of my friends had experienced infidelity, it was hard for them to understand the depth of what I was going through. For that I relied on books and the Internet. Later on I will share some of those resources and ministries that helped me to keep going. Right now though, I want you to know that I'm praying for those of you facing this trial who might be feeling like you can't go on another day. If I can help, it would be my pleasure to be your "listening ear," as well as a partner in the battle for your marriage.

For me, the day I found out about my husband's "friend" was one of the most painful in my life. Like many people in that circumstance, I saw the warning signs but never thought infidelity would rock my world. After all, we were Christians! We believed in commitment and the permanence of marriage. Unfortunately, words just don't mean much. Adultery does happen in Christian marriages and at an increasingly alarming rate.

In our relationship, the months prior to Aaron's revelation were very lonely ones. We had really drifted apart and spent little time with each other. I was focused on the kids while my husband seemed to grow more and more selfish. He spent a great deal of time exercising and grooming. It got to the point where he skipped family meal times so that he could go running. He spent so much time in front of the mirror that I remember thinking he was worse than a teenage girl. I felt frustrated with the lack of interest he showed the children and me, but I had no idea what to do about it. Whenever I approached him to talk he always seemed so angry. Eventually I gave up trying because I felt worse after I did. Added to all this I was insecure because his sexual desire for me had completely died as well. To help myself I tried to reason that he was probably just stressed out and tired from work. Of course, most of all, I hoped that things would get better sooner or later.

However, the thing that was really shocking, and made me feel afraid, was when he began holding views and opinions that were totally contrary to Scripture. For the first time in our seventeen year marriage he was saying things like he was sick and tired of being good and "following rules." He expressed regret for not having sown wild oats as a young man and for keeping himself sexually pure! I was hurt and bewildered by these statements; I just couldn't understand it! I remembered back to a conversation he had had with our oldest child only months before where he had shared some great nuggets of spiritual wisdom. My mind screamed out, "Could this really be the same man?!?"

After learning the truth about his affair, my husband's irrational behavior brought to light my first vital discovery: God never changes. My husband may change, but God never will. Simple enough truth, but when I grasped it in its fullness it became a soul anchor for me. Because He remains the same, you and I can rely on His faithfulness. He will not, nor can He, let us down! Our Father is our refuge. If you are experiencing the heart-wrenching trial of marital unfaithfulness, I cannot emphasize enough the primary importance of an intimate relationship with God. 

You must seek Him now in ways you may never have before; spending more time in prayer (which I will expound on more in an upcoming post) and in the Word than at any time in your Christian walk. It will also mean a radical change of perspective if He has not truly been your all-in-all. This is especially true if you have inadvertently made your husband the center of your heart and affections. You do not "...live, and move, and have (your) being," (Acts 17:28) in your spouse - you do those things in Him! Please believe this. Don't lose sight of this truth!

"In Him (you) live." First, realize your living and your life consists of more than just your marriage. If you're in the throes of adultery all you may want to do is ruminate about your spouse's behavior; but let me encourage you to get your focus on Him first, and then on all the other blessings in your life. Secondly, let me ask you a question. Does it ever hurt so bad that you have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning? It certainly did for me. But look what it says in that verse - "In Him (you)...move." Did you catch that? You move in Him. You CAN get up and get moving because you are in Christ, if He's your Savior. (If you don't know Jesus then please go to the following link which will tell you how you can: http://www.godssimpleplan.org/gsps-english.html.) Assuming however that you are, consider finally that your entire being is "in Him." A great way to meditate on this is to begin a topical study of all the verses in the New Testament which speak of being "in Christ" or "in Him." You will be really blessed!

Now, going back to my original point - there are just a TON of Scriptures that illustrate that God never changes and that He is your refuge. I truly believe the most meaningful ones to you will be those God leads you to; however, let me share just a few that really comforted me:

Deut. 31:8 - "And the LORD, He it is that doth go before thee; He will be with thee, He will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed."

Deut. 33:27 - "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and He shall thrust out the enemy from before you; and shall say, 'Destroy them.' "

Psalm 27 - The entire Psalm (God gave this to me on the morning I found out about the affair), but of special significance was:

Psalm 27:10 - "For my father and my mother (my husband) have (has) forsaken me, but the LORD will take me up."

Psalm 63:8 - "My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." (I would cry out this verse over and over whenever I felt overwhelmed.)

Isaiah 54:17 - " 'No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their vindication is from Me,' declares the LORD."

Romans 8:31 - "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?"

Colossians 3:3 - "For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God."

Next time we will dig into the second thing God showed me about Himself. It was the truth that literally saved my marriage! I can't wait to share that part of my story with you because His ways are SO AMAZING! He loves you and so do I.

Not My Smile - A Jesus Smile

"Lord, help me smile at my husband right now," I prayed inwardly as I saw Aaron coming toward me. "I'm weak and I literally don't have the strength to do it on my own, so please give me one - a Jesus smile." He was still a ways off so I had a little time before I needed to flash him my most brilliant, most admiring smile. After the irritable, harsh way he had treated me earlier it had to be the Lord's strength or not at all. "Oh, and Father, please let it touch his heart too," I added quickly. It really had to be my best smile, the one that communicates something to him that words can't express, the smile that I always jokingly tell him is reserved "just for him."

So did I feel like being the one to humble myself? No way! In fact, as far as I could recall, I had done nothing to offend him that day. Have I always been this way - willing to overlook, willing to show respect whether he changed his behavior or not? The answer would have to be a resounding NO! In fact, it really wasn't all that long ago that I would have held on to the hurt I was feeling and made him pay for it. Or pouted long enough to make him feel bad by displaying downcast eyes and a long face; a tactic, by the way, which never worked. But praise God that He is ever patient with us and teaches us the things we need to know, when we really need to know it.

Now, all this would seem perhaps trivial if I were simply another wife who has a sometimes grumpy husband and I'd learned a thing or two about dealing with him; but maybe it would change your mind if I told you that only a year ago (no, a little less - it was June) I found out my husband was having an affair. It was an event that left my children and I feeling that the world was somehow spinning out of control. That Aaron and I are even together now is a miracle. But God's like that. He does things BIG so that we can take none of the credit.

Well, that leads me to what's on my heart. I hope to be able to reach out to even one dear sister in the Lord who's struggling with issues in her marriage or her personal life. Maybe we share some of the same experiences.  Mine are certainly varied. Painful times that have either been out of my control, or sadly, brought on by my own deep wanderings into sin. I'm anxious to share the details of them with you through Oil of His Grace and the way God's grace has brought me through them and is enabling me to "Comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which (I myself am) comforted by God," 2 Corinthians 1:4.

I feel so blessed to finally write a blog. For some time now I've felt that the Lord was telling me that He didn't bring me through all these different trials just to keep the wonderful things He has done for me, and the things I've learned, to myself. And so, that's the purpose of my blog - to share what wisdom the Lord has allowed me to gain in each set of circumstances, and encourage you along the way. I want to show how Jesus is central to everything.

Adultery just happens to be the most recent trial in my life. It doesn't define me (a wife whose husband has been unfaithful) - it can't, because my life is hidden with Christ in God. In fact, my life has become richer, more full of God because of the experience and the subsequent grace that's flooded over me. That's just what grace does though. It gives us more of Him!  So can I smile at my husband even when he doesn't "deserve it?" Of course I can, because it's a Jesus smile. A smile given to an imperfect husband, by an imperfect wife, through the strength God supplies, so that He may be glorified. (1 Peter 4:11)

I'm glad you stopped by! Please stay tuned - in my next post I want to tell you a little bit more about myself. It's funny - I didn't think about it until I was ready to start this blog, but the three "major" trials I've gone through all begin with the letter 'A.' Okay, to be fair, I've got a couple other significant ones to throw in there (and they don't start with 'A'), so I'll be touching on those too. As I said before, my goal is to point women to Christ. Through my story I'll weave in the ways God demonstrated His faithfulness, and how He REDEEMED those situations for His glory. Whether we share similar stories is not what's important; what is important is that suffering, in whatever form, is common to us all. He alone is sufficient. His grace is sufficient too. Until next time then, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)