The Butterfly Circus/ Encouragement for Struggling Believers

I am still here... just not writing much these days. We're continuing to have some real challenges with our son. I've been too tired to do anything beyond the everyday stuff that needs to get done! Have you ever been there? If so you can relate.

But God is faithful. As I just told a precious sister yesterday, He knows the beginning from the end. Our son is in His hands. Your situation, whatever it is, is in God's hands! I have a feeling someone reading this needs encouragement today so let me share two things: 

1.) Don't isolate yourself. If you're facing a battle in your life you need AN ARMY! You need sisters and brothers who will fight with you and storm the gates of hell in prayer. Don't allow the enemy to convince you that you should face it alone. Forget the lie that says you would be a bother to others. My dear friend - that's what the body of Christ is for. To bear one another's burdens! 

Look with me at what the Apostle Paul admonished believers: "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) Did you notice the last part of that verse? "Thereby fulfill the law of Christ." This means that when you ask another Christian to pray for you, you are actually helping them! How am I doing that? you might ask. You are helping them to mature and grow in Christ-likeness! You are helping that person to "fulfill the law of Christ." Have you ever thought of it that way? If not then I ask you to "chew" on that a bit. What a wonderful truth it is! Praying for one another is an absolute privilege. Right now I am praying for a dear reader and I count it a joy! So, please, if you're going through something, don't isolate. Instead seek prayer and counsel from other believers.

2.) Trust God yet ask Him for the grace to see a "glimpse" of what He's doing through your situation. What I mean is this: We can only see the past and the present (and even then we don't always see clearly). We certainly cannot see what's around the corner. In fact, you might compare our present reality to paddling a boat down a river. We can take in all the scenery as we pass by, but we are never able to see around the next bend. 

Furthermore, on some days we paddle in calm waters, and on others we go through nothing but rapids. And yet, in calm waters or rapids, in neither can we see what's just ahead. But I wonder: Why is it we tend to only fret about what lies ahead when we're in the midst of rapids? When things are going our way - when the water is placid, the scenery beautiful - all is good and we have a sense of peace. Hey - we're trusting God! 

But the minute the waters begin to churn....? Oftentimes when that happens we turn to self-comfort and our own (limited) understanding of things.

Friend, let me suggest another perspective for you. Consider this: While you and I are paddling downriver, only seeing what is around us, God is above - like an eagle. He has excellent eyesight to see the whole picture! Rather than merely having our "linear" perspective, He sees around the next bend in the river. But, even better than the eagle, God's "eyesight" is so keen that He's also able to see the end of all things. 


It's easy to forget this when you're hurting and you want easy answers. But His promise to you is to not only "work all things together for good" (Romans 8:28), but to also work "all things after the counsel of His will." (Ephesians 1:11) This means that not only is our God all-knowing, but that He in His wisdom actually allows the trials we face to come into our lives. They are trials "with a purpose." His purpose. Dear sister, trust that not only is the Lord sovereign, but that He is also loving. Remember, the Word tells us that He actually IS love. He would never do or allow anything to destroy you. That is what the enemy wants to do. (John 10:10) God will only prune you (John 15:2) - which may hurt - but He intends it for your growth and fruit-bearing. You can trust your heavenly Father's heart.

Finally, let me say that this is what the Lord did in my life. Though my husband's adultery was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced, it has brought about tremendous blessings in the end. My relationship with Jesus is deeper and more intimate than ever. I also have a strong marriage today because of the things God taught me in the process of restoring it. In some ways, strange as it is to say this, my husband's affair was probably the best thing to happen to us. So although you may not be able to see the "end" of your trial right now, ask God for hope. Ask Him to give you a peek into what He's currently doing in your life. Pray for the grace to believe that what the devil intends for evil, God intends for good. I believe He will give you the reassurance you desire.

Here are two verses that I hope will encourage you in these truths:

"It is good for me that I was afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes." Psalm 119:67

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Finally, for the rest of my readers, I want to share the following short film with you. It's truly amazing! I was so blessed by it that I felt I needed to post it here. I have been a "fan" of Nick Vujicic for some time and it was great to see that he is a fine actor as well!

Please come back to comment if you get a chance. I'd love to hear what you think. May you grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ this week!

The Butterfly Circus - HD from The Butterfly Circus on Vimeo.

Patient Forgiveness - More of My Story

"Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you." Colossians 3:13

I can think of three separate instances where I've needed to develop patience in regards to forgiveness this past year and a half. All are related and each one required the same resolve; but before I tell you about that, please allow me to tell you a little more of my story. I have chosen to be very transparent here, which is hard in many ways. However,I hope that by doing so I may encourage you.

Of course, as I've mentioned numerous times, the person I had an issue with struggling to forgive was the other woman my husband had an affair with during the summer of 2009. For about 3 1/2 months I went on without any forward progress in forgiving her. It was at that time that I got a phone call from Julie who, although an acquaintance, was not a close friend of mine. She had absolutely no idea about Aaron's affair; nor could she have known I was struggling with unforgiveness, save the Lord showing her. Which is exactly what happened, through a dream she had. In this dream, Aaron and I were going through a divorce because I wouldn't forgive and had become bitter. Awaking from it, God clearly said to her, "Now call and warn her."

When she phoned that day she didn't tell me the details of the dream - just that she had had a dream. However, she did make it clear that the Lord was warning me about unforgiveness. My response to this was that I was simultaneously touched by what the Lord had done, as well as scared. I mean I literally had goosebumps! I knew that I'd been holding on to things and that I even felt justified doing it. Not long before this, my pastor had mentioned that I needed to forgive this woman. While outwardly I agreed with him, inwardly I resented it. To be really honest, though it was unreasonable, I felt like he was taking her side! Anyway, Julie and I talked at length. Gently, but firmly, she led me to see how I was allowing Satan a foothold in my life.

After we hung up I checked on the kids and made sure they would be alright a while. The rest of the morning was spent fasting and praying. I was pretty humbled at this point. Deep in my heart I knew I couldn't go on like that - hating that woman and finding it impossible to stop dwelling on the hurt she had caused, or to wish her well. I also knew that my marriage would never really heal until I forgave her. I was overcome with conviction. I asked God to forgive me of my unforgiveness and renounced my involvement with this sin. As I also told you before, from that point on I decided I would forgive this woman. Unfortunately, it was no simple task; the ol' saying "Easier said than done" would perfectly describe my internal conflict for the next couple months.

I really didn't know what to do next. So I began searching the Scriptures about forgiveness. It sounded pretty cut and dry, which honestly frustrated me. As of yet, I still lacked the understanding that it was a choice, not a feeling. I wanted to feel it! I beat myself up, over and over again, because my emotions betrayed me. I'd "forgive" (meaning that I felt good and charitable about doing it), only to "take it back" when I felt angry with her again. Back and forth, up and down, I went. Can you guess who I was growing impatient with in all this? If you guessed me, you're right! What I eventually came to learn, however, is that while forgiving is a choice, most often it takes patience in continually doing what is right, before the hurt is totally released. In a minute, I'll share something I read with you that helped me tremendously in coming to understand this.

The second thing that tried my patience was this woman herself. If you've ever had someone try to hurt you and your family in a malicious way, and then say they did nothing - then you know what I mean! Sometimes it's hard to forgive someone who asks forgiveness, but how much harder when they don't! While I'm not going to rehearse everything she did here (there's really so many different things she did to each one of my family members), the one thing I'll share with you is that she never admitted to her misconduct.

"This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, And says, "I have done no wrong." Proverbs 30:20

While Aaron was still involved in the affair I had thought about confronting her, but he told me it would do no good because she kept claiming she had done nothing wrong. In fact, even in the end she sent a final text message to my husband the day after he broke it off which sadly demonstrated this. I believe I can quote it verbatim: "You should keep your marriage drama to yourself and leave innocent people like me alone." Now, let me tell you that when I read this it made my blood boil! "Yeah right! Innocent people!" I seethed. What's more, she was going around telling friends of mine, those she knew were aware of her involvement with my husband, that she was "disgusted" by his behavior - coming on to her when he was married and all.

So what did I do with all that? I stayed mad - for months! Then I got the aforementioned phone call, which brought on the period of time I'm calling, "The Crisis of Forgiveness." Again, choosing to forgive her was challenging because she never asked me. I had to "bear with (her)," as it says in the above verse from Colossians, despite this. No excuses! The Lord didn't give me a "pass" from doing what's right just because this person chose not to. Once more, God in His mercy, was also using this facet of the situation to develop long-suffering and patience in me.

Well, just when you think things are getting better - BAM! No really - that's just about what it's like. You're totally broad-sided by something else. But you know what? This time it was different and the Lord had been preparing me for it. I was already well on my way to recovering from the hurt, as well as experiencing freedom through forgiveness, when another hurdle arose. This time a rumor that was startling, and perhaps the worse lie anyone had ever said about me, reached my ears. Now this same woman was telling people that she had been pursued by my husband last year, and because of that I had tried committing suicide! I was dumbfounded - nothing could have been further from the truth. The Lord had been my rock and refuge; not once had I entertained thoughts of dying.

The answer to all of this was simple; in bottom-line language it was patience. I'm reminded of when the Apostle Paul implored (begged, entreated) God three times to make his "thorn in the flesh" depart. (2 Corinthians 12:7-8) Oh how he must have bore it patiently while waiting for God to take it away! Similarly, it seemed I had to bear patiently with this woman and my own response to her - three different times. And how about you - maybe your offender has kept piling on the offenses; three, four, or perhaps even more? But wait a minute -  as we read on in that passage we see that God didn't take Paul's thorn away after all. Instead, the Lord's loving response to him was, "My grace is sufficient for you..." (verse 9). Therefore, from this we may be sure that God, through His matchless grace, supplied all Paul's need - and likewise, will supply yours and mine as well! To fulfill His purposes, He didn't take my "thorn" away; and He probably won't take yours either.

However, His grace will supply you with the power you need to grow the fruit of patience. It's possible that you may agree with this 100%, but you're wondering how you can apply this to your life in practical terms. For me, one thing I found while Googling on the Internet really helped shed light on the how-to of bearing patiently in forgiveness. Let me start with a BIG disclaimer though first! The quote I am going to share is from Rick Warren, whose theology and philosophy I completely disagree with, but whose statement ministered to me in an immense way. I actually printed it out so I could refer to it often. I hope you'll find it challenging as well:

"Every time you remember how you've been hurt, release it. It's got to be constant. When Jesus was asked how often we should forgive someone who sins against us, He said seventy times seven. Or, in other words, we just keep forgiving.

"How do you know when you've totally released the hurt? It doesn't hurt anymore. You might have to forgive someone a thousand times to make that a reality. But every time the pain comes to your mind you say, 'God, I give it to you again. For the hundredth time, Lord, I'm letting them off the hook and relinquishing my right to get even.' Every time you rehearse it, you make the pain go deeper (my emphasis). But every time you release it, the pain gets weaker in your life." - Rick Warren

So, if you're practical like me, it's simply a matter of giving it to the Lord over and over again. It's releasing and relinquishing time and again. Keep doing it and over time you will build your "forgiveness muscles." What seemed so hard will become easier. That's how it was in my life by the time I heard of the rumor going around about me. I'd already been spiritually "working out" for a while and I was able to handle this new obstacle with grace. In fact, I quickly dismissed it and didn't allow it to bother me.

Now, please look again with me at the quote above. He says, "How do you know when you've totally released the hurt? It doesn't hurt anymore." I praise God that is true! One day, several months ago, the kids and I were driving through town. We were stopped at a red light when I noticed that woman in her vehicle opposite me. It was the first time I'd seen her in a long time. I noted it in my mind, but didn't think too much of it. It wasn't until we were at the other end of town that I recognized what had happened. I saw her and had absolutely no emotional reaction to it! I was free! I truly give the Lord all the glory and credit for that.

Today, however, my heart is heavy for someone - maybe it's you, my sister in the Lord. Please know that while God did this work in me, He wants very much to do it in you also. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.''' (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV) I will be praying for you.

Next time, Lord willing, I'll finish up with this series on forgiveness. Just two more points! I've never been able to keep anything short - but I promise I'll try! Until then, "The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace." (Numbers 6:24-26)

Healing Your Marriage Through Forgiveness: Part 3

Hi there! I'm so glad you're back, or perhaps here for the first time. I just have to tell you that I've really been praying for the readers of this blog and just feel a special burden for each of you - even though I don't personally know you. One day I was thinking about this and decided that maybe the "bond" I feel is not so unusual after all, since we are "sisters" - in the Lord's family!

Anyway, let's jump right in to today's topic. So far, in the first two posts of this series, we've looked at forgiveness being "God's Will" and "God's Plan." Now I want to turn our attention to a third aspect of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is God's Pruning (Resulting in Fruitfulness): Last time we examined Matthew 18 where we read the Parable of the Wicked Servant. Jesus told this parable to illustrate his response to a question Peter had asked. "Then Peter came and said to Him, 'Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?'" (Matthew 18:21)

Now to grasp the significance of what Jesus said, we must understand a little background information. During this time, the Jews taught that a man ought to forgive three times, but not the fourth. So, in saying "seven times," Peter must have thought it a real stretch of charity to go from three times, to seven. It's possible he was even thinking of Genesis 4:15, where God said, "Therefore whoever kills Cain, vengeance will be taken on him sevenfold." Imagine then, if you will, the disciple's astonishment when Jesus answered: "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." (verse 23)

What Peter didn't understand yet was that Jesus meant there was to be no limit; no fixed number of times we are to forgive. Rather we are to forgive as God does, with mercy and long-suffering. We can almost imagine the Master gently saying: "Patience, Peter. Not just seven times - but many, many times. In fact, as many times as it takes." One commentary I referred to may have summed it up best - "Forgiveness is qualitative, not quantitative." (Vincent's New Testament Word Studies)

As for you and I, a good question we should ask ourselves in the midst of a crisis of forgiveness is this: "What purpose does the Lord have for me in this?" If we know and believe the words of Romans 8:28, "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose," then the immediate answer is that He means something good to come from our current mess. 

In light of Jesus' response to Peter, could it be that the Lord is using this trial, painful as it may be, to bring about a needed change in you? I can certainly attest to this in my life. May I go on to suggest that one reason He may have allowed this to happen is to help you develop Christ-like long-suffering (perseverance, endurance)? Look with me at a few passages that demonstrate what I mean:

"3And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; 4and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope..." (Romans 5:3-4)

"2Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-4)

"6In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, 7so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ..." (1 Peter 1:6-7)

Without a doubt, we see from these verses that the means of our spiritual growth is trials and tribulation. They are actually God's mercy toward us. This trouble you're facing, and the thing God is asking you to do in forgiving your offender, will most definitely result in you growing in patient long-suffering. Simply put - trials are God's way of "pruning us." Remember the words of Jesus in John's Gospel, "I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit, He prunes it so that it may bear more fruit." (John 15:1-2)

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." (Galatians 5:22-23)  

In every one of those three passages above, and so many more throughout the Scriptures, you see the progressive nature of patience:

 1.) It leads to other virtues which....
 2.) Ultimately leads to our hope of seeing Jesus, and bringing glory to Him one day.

Now let me tackle both of these points. First, in 2 Peter 1:5-8 the Bible tells us, "Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, 6and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, 7and in your godliness, brotherly kindness, and in your brotherly kindness, love. 8For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ." From this there's so many things I could point out! Two I'll mention though is that in this passage Peter ends his list of qualities with love. Likewise, the Apostle Paul told us that the greatest of these (virtues) is "love." (1 Corinthians 13:13) If we are unforgiving, we cannot possibly be simultaneously loving. Yet what is the very thing we are commanded by the Lord to do towards our enemies? That's right - love them. (Matthew 5:44) This sort of makes us squirm, doesn't it?! However, our patience and long-suffering, developed through our godly choice to forgive, will lead us on the road to becoming perfected in love.

This second point I'll direct once more to you. Please look again above at 1 Peter 1:6-7 and notice that your faith, after it's been tested through trials such as you may be experiencing right now, will culminate in bringing glory and honor to the Lord Jesus. Praise God! Similarly, in John 15:8 we are told: “My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit, and so prove to be My disciples." Your suffering, like Jesus' own, is never in vain, but produces fruit and is to the Father's glory.

Oh, I get so excited by this! My prayer is that excitement and hope are beginning to rise in you too! Bear in mind - there is a divine plan and purpose to your affliction, and mine. Forgiveness is sometimes hard; but we learned previously that we've been given all we need to do it. His strength is indeed made perfect in our weakness. Finally, today we also saw that our choice to forgive sets us on an exhilarating path of growth and, ultimately, glory to God.

"To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling, and fulfill every desire for goodness and the work of faith with power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus will be glorified in you, and you in Him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ." (2 Thessalonians 1:11-12)

Friend, that's my prayer for you as well. Go in peace! As always, feel free to comment here if you like.

Surrendering in Marriage

"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a
grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it
remains alone; but if it dies, IT BEARS MUCH
FRUIT." John 12:24

Lately the Lord has been impressing on my heart the verse above. I mean, really impressing. Ever since last summer, after learning of my husband's affair, I have had a thousand opportunities to put that verse to practice. I could choose to go down fighting, demanding my rights, and end up alone - or I could die to myself, giving up my rights, and see the fruit of that one way or another.

Well, you know, I went along like that for a while. It was really a time of tremendous personal growth, learning to surrender my so-called "rights". These included things like: my right to have a godly husband (which I wrote about in an earlier post), my right to be "heard" (as opposed to keeping quiet or letting it go), my right to have things my way, and my right to assert that I'm right and you're wrong! Most importantly, I began realizing that I didn't need to "win" all the time.

Then bam! I just sort of hit this brick wall about two months ago. You see, I started to revert back to old habits of thinking that I was doing more than my fair share of the relationship work. While in that state of mind I felt that I had been living very intentionally toward Aaron - for many months seeking the Lord to understand unconditional respect and applying that learning to our marriage. But then I just grew tired of doing so much. I didn't feel like giving 100% to my husband. So I succumbed to feelings, faltering temporarily, and returned to the 50/50 mentality. We each give 50% and together that equals 100! I forgot to count my blessings. I forgot that I had seen some wonderful changes - for one, my husband seemed happier and more pleased with me than he's ever been. So then, what went wrong?

Well, I just felt like my needs were going unmet. I mean, hey, aren't there two sides to the equation? LOVE and respect?!? Couldn't he be just a little more affectionate Lord? And can't he remember to say affirming words more often? These thoughts were whirling around in my head more than I'd like to admit. I knew they were selfish sounding and I was complaining, but deep down I think I felt justified. After all, hadn't I been a good wife for fighting for my marriage, forgiving my husband, and then loving him unconditionally? (More than just a little bit of pride there!) For months I had been praying, "Father, please restore our marriage a hundredfold - make it better than it ever was."

Then the Lord answered me. He gently showed me that what I was praying for was to receive a harvest. Well, yeah, I guess I have been. I didn't think of it like that though. "For the harvest to come, something must be sown," He went on. My defenses shot up! Lord! I protested, I have been sowing - it seems like all I ever do! His simple reply was, "Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and DIES, it remains alone; but IF it dies, it bears much fruit." From that moment on, that verse has been constantly coming to mind. It rings out its truth every single time I'm tempted to demand my needs be met. The Lord is faithful. He's giving me the "way of escape" (1 Cor. 10:13) from my sinful way of thinking.

Really He's asking me to take things to the next level, so to speak. I've been willing to give up many of my rights until now. But He doesn't want me to be content just living at my present level of "surrenderedness," because in truth, living at one level eventually becomes habit, and habit requires no effort. Instead you and I should be challenged by Paul's words, "Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." (Galatians 6:9)  If the good we are doing is old and habitual, not taking much effort or strength, then maybe it's time to step it up.

The Lord's asking me to do that right now. He's pleased with my willingness so far, but I've yet to give Him everything. He truly wants me to die to my needs as a wife. I really can get on without affection or affirming words from my husband. Oh, trust me - there was a time when I gobbled up all the books, Christian books, that speak of each spouse meeting the other's needs, and I'd think to myself that I just had to have that kind of marriage to be satisfied. I longed for it and would never have thought I could say the things I'm saying now. But I'm discovering a new way. The way of surrender. And that's not to say that Aaron never gives me those things either! It's just that I'm beginning to see that as I die to them, I find pleasure again in meeting his needs and in knowing that I'm pleasing God. As far as my needs go, if the Lord thinks I need anything, I have confidence that He'll supply it.

Eternal perspective. A humble attitude. These go together in marriage. Will you join me in laying your needs, rights, desires, and longings before the Lord? Can you take it to the next level and crucify them? Notice what the Scripture says - "Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies" - that grain of wheat, that's you and me; if it doesn't die, what will the result be? "It remains alone." These are sobering words. Do I want to be married, but all alone? Do you? However, we then have the wonderful promise that follows! "But IF it dies, it bears much fruit." That's it then! Isn't that what we want most of all - to die to self and live godly in a world that clamors for my needs and my rights, and to reap ripe, beautiful, and abundant fruit?

Tell me what you think, won't you? As always, I'd love to hear from you! Blessings on your week as you seek to "walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, (and) to please Him in all respects." Colossians 1:10