The Wise Woman Builds Her House

"The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1

Do you want a great marriage? I'm sure most of us would answer 'yes' in a heartbeat. As a wife, do you know what the best thing you can do to help insure that is? If you guessed "respect my husband," you're absolutely right!

Like most young girls who grew up in a non-Christian home since the 1960s, I was basically taught that women were equal to men in all respects. Women were also invincible. They had been mistreated by sexist men for far too long; the time had come for them to "roar". (If you don't know what I mean, the phrase "Hear me roar!" comes from the 1972 popular hit song "I Am Woman" by Helen Reddy. For a sadly enlightening look into our feminist culture, just Google those words sometime and look at the various comments ladies leave on websites that come up. I just did and it was eye-opening to see how entrenched in our society this way of thinking really is.)

In particular, one website tells women, "Inside every woman is a goddess waiting to shine." Yikes! If you've been reading my blog for very long I probably don't need to tell you that this kind of thinking is totally contrary to mine. Without a doubt, this worldly, self-aggrandizing philosophy is responsible for more broken marriages, and more destroyed families, than perhaps any other in the twentieth century. If you don't believe me, just research the statistics from the beginning of the feminist movement until now. Very sad indeed! Most important, however, this wisdom of the world is in direct opposition to the Bible. So then, what does Scripture tell us about who we, as women, should be? One answer may be found in Proverbs 31: "Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)

Standing in sharp contrast to today's roaring women were the God-fearing, holy women of old, honored in 1 Peter 3, who were concerned with putting on "the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit." (Verse 4)  Reading this chapter I've noted that these women weren't challenging their husbands, but rather were respectful to them; Sarah even calling Abraham "lord." So then, from this passage, as well as Ephesians 5:33, we know with certainty that it's God's will that we respect our husbands.

So quickly, here's some thoughts on this. God made marriage. He knows what it takes to make it heavenly and blissful. His Word tells us that as wives we can help do this by being respectful. It's simple: while we feel on top of the world when our husbands love us, they feel the same when we show them respect. When both spouses fulfill these needs it makes for a beautiful marriage relationship that is every bit the earthly representation of Christ and His bride, the church.

Now, while showing respect is so much more than the way you act during conflict, just imagine with me for a moment the last disagreement you and your spouse had. Consider Proverbs 14:1, which I quoted at the beginning of this post, and try to paint a picture of your words, actions, and attitudes at that time. Would you describe it more like Nehemiah's rebuilding of Jerusalem's walls, meant to keep its inhabitants safe and secure from the enemy - or, would it be like the prediction Jesus made of the siege of Jerusalem, where "Not one stone here will be left upon another, which will not be torn down?" (Matthew 24:2) Truthfully, one day while I was jogging and meditating on the Proverbs verse above, this analogy came to mind and I was overwhelmed by it! I definitely don't want to be a woman who tears down her house with disrespectful words and actions - and in the process destroys the peace and safety of all within! Instead I would be like the wise woman who builds her house - who builds her "walls" if you will.

I'm telling you the truth - the single most important thing you and I can do for our marriages is to find out what respect is and do it. Start by reading the Bible first. A great help to me was to read Ephesians 5:33 in the Amplified Bible because it expounded the meaning of the word "respect" for me. It says, "And let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly]. Now there's some meat to chew on! Look up the definition for every one of those words or phrases, write them out, and pray for wisdom in how to put them into practice in your marriage. When you sense God showing you what to do, write that down as well. If you do this, you'll have enough to keep you busy for awhile! After that, I recommend reading Biblically-sound books such as "Created to Be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl, "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, and "Love and Respect" by Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs.

I will close by telling you about a friend, who was in the Bible study I led this past year. We had been going through Debi Pearl's book (above) when we stopped meeting for the summer. Wanting to get started again, I called her this morning. I asked her if she was still interested in continuing with the book. She replied with resounding enthusiasm, "Oh yes! I can't wait! I read ahead in the book and applied what I learned. This respect stuff really works! It's transformed my marriage." Praise the Lord! Like countless other women who've wanted to have a great marriage, she's learned the "secret." Won't you join in too?

This was a little time-out from the series I've been doing on what I learned through my husband's affair. I felt it was a good time to share the message of respect because I began learning these principles simultaneously while fighting for my marriage. In my next post I will pick up again with more on forgiveness. May God richly bless you until then.