Hi everyone! I'm still here but life's been hectic and finding time to write has been hard. Lord willing I plan to work on (and hopefully finish!) the next post about Biblical femininity vs. false femininity in the next few days, but just now I want to encourage you about having spiritual goals.
In 2 Timothy 2:22 Paul exhorts, "Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." Sometimes it's possible, dear sisters, for us to be solely focused on the first part of that verse - fleeing "youthful lusts." We concentrate our spiritual efforts on putting off our old man - that is, our old nature - as we are instructed to in Ephesians 4:22, while forgetting that we must also "put on" the new man in its place. We get caught up in the "do's and don'ts" of the Christian life and feel we have so many things to overcome. Our energy is spent beating down our sin nature and fighting the devil so that we have nothing left with which to actually grow!
Let me begin by saying that victory over sin, albeit challenging at times, begins in the mind. It starts with the simple determination to believe what the Scripture says about you: "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." You are a new creation, beloved! Not "will be... someday;" no, you are a new creation right now! God made it so when you entered into Christ. In other words, your old nature is dead so you don't have to waste your time and energy on "crucifying" it over and over again. It's a done deal. Listen to Paul's words in Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." So you see - you no longer need to "obey" your old self; you are now free to obey the Son of God and let His life shine through you.
Before we move on, though, here's yet one more verse that speaks of the present reality of who you are: "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (2 Corinthians 5:21) Today I'm asking you therefore - begin with the starting point of confidence in who you are in Christ. Then, and only then, will you be able to focus on moving forward in your faith.
Secondly, don't try to do anything - at least not in your own strength; unless you want to fail miserably. No, instead you and I must go daily to the Lord and ask Him to fill us with the strength and wisdom that He provides:
"Give us this day our daily bread." Matthew 6:11
"And he said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.' " 2 Corinthians 12:9
"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him." James 1:5
"Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:11
Now, when you've grasped this and begun to truly empty yourself of yourself so that God can fill you, you'll be ready to pursue spiritual goals. With this in mind, the Bible gives us many "lists" of things we should focus on becoming. As Christian women most of us are familiar with Proverbs 31, Titus 2 and 1 Peter 3. Then, of course, there is probably the most well-known and widely written-about passage on spiritual growth - Galatians 5, which describes for us the fruit of the Spirit. However, as great as those passages are (and they certainly are) - I think in 2 Timothy 2:22 we have a wonderful, short list of things that Paul actually encouraged Timothy to pursue. So let's look at that list again, "...Pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace."
Now, this is where I'm going to encourage you to do your own study. Many wonderful resources are available online to help you discover truths about what each of the things mentioned in 2 Timothy 2:22 really are. Personally I love the website Biblos.com. On there you'll find various translations of the Bible; commentaries; a Bible atlas, concordance, dictionary, encyclopedia, and thesaurus - as well as gazillions of other great stuff! If you browse around on it I think you'll find it absolutely rich with tools to enhance your study of Scripture.
So then, when you have a pretty good understanding of each of the virtues Paul lists, write your insights in a journal of some sort and prayerfully consider which one God wants you to work on. Ask Him to give you specific things to do. For example, you might end up noting something like this: "This week I'm going to make a point of waving and smiling to my unlovable and difficult neighbor whenever I see him outside." And here's a journal entry that I actually wrote on May 10 - about a month ago - that was a particular challenge to me that day: "This morning I felt reminded of John 12:24,'...Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies it bears much fruit.' Will I die today?"
Friend, please remember that these are goals and therefore must be pursued intentionally. Make a game plan for each day. Write it down. Then again pray for strength, wisdom, and insight. The next morning reflect on your progress and the previous day's events. This is very important! It will alternately encourage and chastise you along the way. And finally, consider confiding in a godly friend to hold you accountable to your goals. If you should fail one day (or two!), ask God to forgive you - then get back up and go forth in His strength! The bottom line that I want to encourage you with is to actually have spiritual goals that you are intentionally pursuing. Don't be lulled into thinking that spiritual growth just happens. Generally speaking, it doesn't. Usually if we're not careful - that is, if we're not taking a daily "spiritual inventory" of where we're at - it's all too easy to fall into complacency and a dead, static Christian walk. And I don't want that to happen to any of us dear sisters!
If you have any comments I'd love to hear them! Go in peace this week my friends!
Showing posts with label God's strength. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God's strength. Show all posts
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Patient Forgiveness - More of My Story
"Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you." Colossians 3:13
I can think of three separate instances where I've needed to develop patience in regards to forgiveness this past year and a half. All are related and each one required the same resolve; but before I tell you about that, please allow me to tell you a little more of my story. I have chosen to be very transparent here, which is hard in many ways. However,I hope that by doing so I may encourage you.
Of course, as I've mentioned numerous times, the person I had an issue with struggling to forgive was the other woman my husband had an affair with during the summer of 2009. For about 3 1/2 months I went on without any forward progress in forgiving her. It was at that time that I got a phone call from Julie who, although an acquaintance, was not a close friend of mine. She had absolutely no idea about Aaron's affair; nor could she have known I was struggling with unforgiveness, save the Lord showing her. Which is exactly what happened, through a dream she had. In this dream, Aaron and I were going through a divorce because I wouldn't forgive and had become bitter. Awaking from it, God clearly said to her, "Now call and warn her."
When she phoned that day she didn't tell me the details of the dream - just that she had had a dream. However, she did make it clear that the Lord was warning me about unforgiveness. My response to this was that I was simultaneously touched by what the Lord had done, as well as scared. I mean I literally had goosebumps! I knew that I'd been holding on to things and that I even felt justified doing it. Not long before this, my pastor had mentioned that I needed to forgive this woman. While outwardly I agreed with him, inwardly I resented it. To be really honest, though it was unreasonable, I felt like he was taking her side! Anyway, Julie and I talked at length. Gently, but firmly, she led me to see how I was allowing Satan a foothold in my life.
After we hung up I checked on the kids and made sure they would be alright a while. The rest of the morning was spent fasting and praying. I was pretty humbled at this point. Deep in my heart I knew I couldn't go on like that - hating that woman and finding it impossible to stop dwelling on the hurt she had caused, or to wish her well. I also knew that my marriage would never really heal until I forgave her. I was overcome with conviction. I asked God to forgive me of my unforgiveness and renounced my involvement with this sin. As I also told you before, from that point on I decided I would forgive this woman. Unfortunately, it was no simple task; the ol' saying "Easier said than done" would perfectly describe my internal conflict for the next couple months.
I really didn't know what to do next. So I began searching the Scriptures about forgiveness. It sounded pretty cut and dry, which honestly frustrated me. As of yet, I still lacked the understanding that it was a choice, not a feeling. I wanted to feel it! I beat myself up, over and over again, because my emotions betrayed me. I'd "forgive" (meaning that I felt good and charitable about doing it), only to "take it back" when I felt angry with her again. Back and forth, up and down, I went. Can you guess who I was growing impatient with in all this? If you guessed me, you're right! What I eventually came to learn, however, is that while forgiving is a choice, most often it takes patience in continually doing what is right, before the hurt is totally released. In a minute, I'll share something I read with you that helped me tremendously in coming to understand this.
The second thing that tried my patience was this woman herself. If you've ever had someone try to hurt you and your family in a malicious way, and then say they did nothing - then you know what I mean! Sometimes it's hard to forgive someone who asks forgiveness, but how much harder when they don't! While I'm not going to rehearse everything she did here (there's really so many different things she did to each one of my family members), the one thing I'll share with you is that she never admitted to her misconduct.
"This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, And says, "I have done no wrong." Proverbs 30:20
While Aaron was still involved in the affair I had thought about confronting her, but he told me it would do no good because she kept claiming she had done nothing wrong. In fact, even in the end she sent a final text message to my husband the day after he broke it off which sadly demonstrated this. I believe I can quote it verbatim: "You should keep your marriage drama to yourself and leave innocent people like me alone." Now, let me tell you that when I read this it made my blood boil! "Yeah right! Innocent people!" I seethed. What's more, she was going around telling friends of mine, those she knew were aware of her involvement with my husband, that she was "disgusted" by his behavior - coming on to her when he was married and all.
So what did I do with all that? I stayed mad - for months! Then I got the aforementioned phone call, which brought on the period of time I'm calling, "The Crisis of Forgiveness." Again, choosing to forgive her was challenging because she never asked me. I had to "bear with (her)," as it says in the above verse from Colossians, despite this. No excuses! The Lord didn't give me a "pass" from doing what's right just because this person chose not to. Once more, God in His mercy, was also using this facet of the situation to develop long-suffering and patience in me.
Well, just when you think things are getting better - BAM! No really - that's just about what it's like. You're totally broad-sided by something else. But you know what? This time it was different and the Lord had been preparing me for it. I was already well on my way to recovering from the hurt, as well as experiencing freedom through forgiveness, when another hurdle arose. This time a rumor that was startling, and perhaps the worse lie anyone had ever said about me, reached my ears. Now this same woman was telling people that she had been pursued by my husband last year, and because of that I had tried committing suicide! I was dumbfounded - nothing could have been further from the truth. The Lord had been my rock and refuge; not once had I entertained thoughts of dying.
The answer to all of this was simple; in bottom-line language it was patience. I'm reminded of when the Apostle Paul implored (begged, entreated) God three times to make his "thorn in the flesh" depart. (2 Corinthians 12:7-8) Oh how he must have bore it patiently while waiting for God to take it away! Similarly, it seemed I had to bear patiently with this woman and my own response to her - three different times. And how about you - maybe your offender has kept piling on the offenses; three, four, or perhaps even more? But wait a minute - as we read on in that passage we see that God didn't take Paul's thorn away after all. Instead, the Lord's loving response to him was, "My grace is sufficient for you..." (verse 9). Therefore, from this we may be sure that God, through His matchless grace, supplied all Paul's need - and likewise, will supply yours and mine as well! To fulfill His purposes, He didn't take my "thorn" away; and He probably won't take yours either.
However, His grace will supply you with the power you need to grow the fruit of patience. It's possible that you may agree with this 100%, but you're wondering how you can apply this to your life in practical terms. For me, one thing I found while Googling on the Internet really helped shed light on the how-to of bearing patiently in forgiveness. Let me start with a BIG disclaimer though first! The quote I am going to share is from Rick Warren, whose theology and philosophy I completely disagree with, but whose statement ministered to me in an immense way. I actually printed it out so I could refer to it often. I hope you'll find it challenging as well:
"Every time you remember how you've been hurt, release it. It's got to be constant. When Jesus was asked how often we should forgive someone who sins against us, He said seventy times seven. Or, in other words, we just keep forgiving.
"How do you know when you've totally released the hurt? It doesn't hurt anymore. You might have to forgive someone a thousand times to make that a reality. But every time the pain comes to your mind you say, 'God, I give it to you again. For the hundredth time, Lord, I'm letting them off the hook and relinquishing my right to get even.' Every time you rehearse it, you make the pain go deeper (my emphasis). But every time you release it, the pain gets weaker in your life." - Rick Warren
So, if you're practical like me, it's simply a matter of giving it to the Lord over and over again. It's releasing and relinquishing time and again. Keep doing it and over time you will build your "forgiveness muscles." What seemed so hard will become easier. That's how it was in my life by the time I heard of the rumor going around about me. I'd already been spiritually "working out" for a while and I was able to handle this new obstacle with grace. In fact, I quickly dismissed it and didn't allow it to bother me.
Now, please look again with me at the quote above. He says, "How do you know when you've totally released the hurt? It doesn't hurt anymore." I praise God that is true! One day, several months ago, the kids and I were driving through town. We were stopped at a red light when I noticed that woman in her vehicle opposite me. It was the first time I'd seen her in a long time. I noted it in my mind, but didn't think too much of it. It wasn't until we were at the other end of town that I recognized what had happened. I saw her and had absolutely no emotional reaction to it! I was free! I truly give the Lord all the glory and credit for that.
Today, however, my heart is heavy for someone - maybe it's you, my sister in the Lord. Please know that while God did this work in me, He wants very much to do it in you also. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.''' (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV) I will be praying for you.
Next time, Lord willing, I'll finish up with this series on forgiveness. Just two more points! I've never been able to keep anything short - but I promise I'll try! Until then, "The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace." (Numbers 6:24-26)
I can think of three separate instances where I've needed to develop patience in regards to forgiveness this past year and a half. All are related and each one required the same resolve; but before I tell you about that, please allow me to tell you a little more of my story. I have chosen to be very transparent here, which is hard in many ways. However,I hope that by doing so I may encourage you.
Of course, as I've mentioned numerous times, the person I had an issue with struggling to forgive was the other woman my husband had an affair with during the summer of 2009. For about 3 1/2 months I went on without any forward progress in forgiving her. It was at that time that I got a phone call from Julie who, although an acquaintance, was not a close friend of mine. She had absolutely no idea about Aaron's affair; nor could she have known I was struggling with unforgiveness, save the Lord showing her. Which is exactly what happened, through a dream she had. In this dream, Aaron and I were going through a divorce because I wouldn't forgive and had become bitter. Awaking from it, God clearly said to her, "Now call and warn her."
When she phoned that day she didn't tell me the details of the dream - just that she had had a dream. However, she did make it clear that the Lord was warning me about unforgiveness. My response to this was that I was simultaneously touched by what the Lord had done, as well as scared. I mean I literally had goosebumps! I knew that I'd been holding on to things and that I even felt justified doing it. Not long before this, my pastor had mentioned that I needed to forgive this woman. While outwardly I agreed with him, inwardly I resented it. To be really honest, though it was unreasonable, I felt like he was taking her side! Anyway, Julie and I talked at length. Gently, but firmly, she led me to see how I was allowing Satan a foothold in my life.
After we hung up I checked on the kids and made sure they would be alright a while. The rest of the morning was spent fasting and praying. I was pretty humbled at this point. Deep in my heart I knew I couldn't go on like that - hating that woman and finding it impossible to stop dwelling on the hurt she had caused, or to wish her well. I also knew that my marriage would never really heal until I forgave her. I was overcome with conviction. I asked God to forgive me of my unforgiveness and renounced my involvement with this sin. As I also told you before, from that point on I decided I would forgive this woman. Unfortunately, it was no simple task; the ol' saying "Easier said than done" would perfectly describe my internal conflict for the next couple months.
I really didn't know what to do next. So I began searching the Scriptures about forgiveness. It sounded pretty cut and dry, which honestly frustrated me. As of yet, I still lacked the understanding that it was a choice, not a feeling. I wanted to feel it! I beat myself up, over and over again, because my emotions betrayed me. I'd "forgive" (meaning that I felt good and charitable about doing it), only to "take it back" when I felt angry with her again. Back and forth, up and down, I went. Can you guess who I was growing impatient with in all this? If you guessed me, you're right! What I eventually came to learn, however, is that while forgiving is a choice, most often it takes patience in continually doing what is right, before the hurt is totally released. In a minute, I'll share something I read with you that helped me tremendously in coming to understand this.
The second thing that tried my patience was this woman herself. If you've ever had someone try to hurt you and your family in a malicious way, and then say they did nothing - then you know what I mean! Sometimes it's hard to forgive someone who asks forgiveness, but how much harder when they don't! While I'm not going to rehearse everything she did here (there's really so many different things she did to each one of my family members), the one thing I'll share with you is that she never admitted to her misconduct.
"This is the way of an adulterous woman: She eats and wipes her mouth, And says, "I have done no wrong." Proverbs 30:20
While Aaron was still involved in the affair I had thought about confronting her, but he told me it would do no good because she kept claiming she had done nothing wrong. In fact, even in the end she sent a final text message to my husband the day after he broke it off which sadly demonstrated this. I believe I can quote it verbatim: "You should keep your marriage drama to yourself and leave innocent people like me alone." Now, let me tell you that when I read this it made my blood boil! "Yeah right! Innocent people!" I seethed. What's more, she was going around telling friends of mine, those she knew were aware of her involvement with my husband, that she was "disgusted" by his behavior - coming on to her when he was married and all.
So what did I do with all that? I stayed mad - for months! Then I got the aforementioned phone call, which brought on the period of time I'm calling, "The Crisis of Forgiveness." Again, choosing to forgive her was challenging because she never asked me. I had to "bear with (her)," as it says in the above verse from Colossians, despite this. No excuses! The Lord didn't give me a "pass" from doing what's right just because this person chose not to. Once more, God in His mercy, was also using this facet of the situation to develop long-suffering and patience in me.
Well, just when you think things are getting better - BAM! No really - that's just about what it's like. You're totally broad-sided by something else. But you know what? This time it was different and the Lord had been preparing me for it. I was already well on my way to recovering from the hurt, as well as experiencing freedom through forgiveness, when another hurdle arose. This time a rumor that was startling, and perhaps the worse lie anyone had ever said about me, reached my ears. Now this same woman was telling people that she had been pursued by my husband last year, and because of that I had tried committing suicide! I was dumbfounded - nothing could have been further from the truth. The Lord had been my rock and refuge; not once had I entertained thoughts of dying.
The answer to all of this was simple; in bottom-line language it was patience. I'm reminded of when the Apostle Paul implored (begged, entreated) God three times to make his "thorn in the flesh" depart. (2 Corinthians 12:7-8) Oh how he must have bore it patiently while waiting for God to take it away! Similarly, it seemed I had to bear patiently with this woman and my own response to her - three different times. And how about you - maybe your offender has kept piling on the offenses; three, four, or perhaps even more? But wait a minute - as we read on in that passage we see that God didn't take Paul's thorn away after all. Instead, the Lord's loving response to him was, "My grace is sufficient for you..." (verse 9). Therefore, from this we may be sure that God, through His matchless grace, supplied all Paul's need - and likewise, will supply yours and mine as well! To fulfill His purposes, He didn't take my "thorn" away; and He probably won't take yours either.
However, His grace will supply you with the power you need to grow the fruit of patience. It's possible that you may agree with this 100%, but you're wondering how you can apply this to your life in practical terms. For me, one thing I found while Googling on the Internet really helped shed light on the how-to of bearing patiently in forgiveness. Let me start with a BIG disclaimer though first! The quote I am going to share is from Rick Warren, whose theology and philosophy I completely disagree with, but whose statement ministered to me in an immense way. I actually printed it out so I could refer to it often. I hope you'll find it challenging as well:
"Every time you remember how you've been hurt, release it. It's got to be constant. When Jesus was asked how often we should forgive someone who sins against us, He said seventy times seven. Or, in other words, we just keep forgiving.
"How do you know when you've totally released the hurt? It doesn't hurt anymore. You might have to forgive someone a thousand times to make that a reality. But every time the pain comes to your mind you say, 'God, I give it to you again. For the hundredth time, Lord, I'm letting them off the hook and relinquishing my right to get even.' Every time you rehearse it, you make the pain go deeper (my emphasis). But every time you release it, the pain gets weaker in your life." - Rick Warren
So, if you're practical like me, it's simply a matter of giving it to the Lord over and over again. It's releasing and relinquishing time and again. Keep doing it and over time you will build your "forgiveness muscles." What seemed so hard will become easier. That's how it was in my life by the time I heard of the rumor going around about me. I'd already been spiritually "working out" for a while and I was able to handle this new obstacle with grace. In fact, I quickly dismissed it and didn't allow it to bother me.
Now, please look again with me at the quote above. He says, "How do you know when you've totally released the hurt? It doesn't hurt anymore." I praise God that is true! One day, several months ago, the kids and I were driving through town. We were stopped at a red light when I noticed that woman in her vehicle opposite me. It was the first time I'd seen her in a long time. I noted it in my mind, but didn't think too much of it. It wasn't until we were at the other end of town that I recognized what had happened. I saw her and had absolutely no emotional reaction to it! I was free! I truly give the Lord all the glory and credit for that.
Today, however, my heart is heavy for someone - maybe it's you, my sister in the Lord. Please know that while God did this work in me, He wants very much to do it in you also. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.''' (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV) I will be praying for you.
Next time, Lord willing, I'll finish up with this series on forgiveness. Just two more points! I've never been able to keep anything short - but I promise I'll try! Until then, "The LORD bless you, and keep you; The LORD make His face shine on you, And be gracious to you; The LORD lift up His countenance on you, And give you peace." (Numbers 6:24-26)
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Healing Your Marriage Through Forgiveness: Part 2
In this post I'm continuing my series on forgiveness. So far we've only covered one principle; determining that it's God's will that we forgive. Now we'll move on and examine additional principles dealing with more of the heart issues. I'm really excited! God has done such amazing things in my life, and in my marriage, through the grace of forgiveness. I can hardly wait to share them with you. And since He is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34), I believe He will do great things in your life, too, as you walk a life of obedience.
Now, when I think about forgiveness I can't help but feel that this next truth is the one I treasure most, for a couple of reasons. For one, because it's highly practical; and two, because it seems to speak the most to wounded hearts. I hope you are as anxious as I am to get to it!
Freedom, Healing, Fruit-Bearing, & Reconciliation
Forgiveness is God's Plan (to Set You Free): When we looked at forgiveness being God's will, our text was Matthew 6. Now let's turn a few chapters to Matthew 18 and read another familiar passage of Scripture:
23“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. 24When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. 26So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ 27And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. 28But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ 29So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ 30But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. 31So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. 32Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ 34And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. 35My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:23-35)
Often referred to as "The Parable of the Wicked Servant," or,"The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant," this powerful passage of Scripture gives us ample opportunity to glean some wisdom for our own lives. Let's go ahead then and study it in more detail!
The first thing I'd like to note is the amount of debt the servant owed the master - ten thousand talents. To understand this staggering sum I will quote from Max Lucado: "Before 'talent' meant skill, it meant money. It represented the largest unit of accounting in the Greek currency – 10,000 denarii. According to the parable of the workers, a denarius represented a day’s fair wages (Matt. 20:2). Multiply your daily wage by 10,000, and you discover the value of a talent. If you earn $30,000 a year and you annually work 260 days, you make about $115 a day. A talent in your case is valued at 10,000 times $115 or $1,150,000." Now, don't forget - the servant owed ten thousand times this amount; an impossible amount to repay!
Interestingly, the servant in this parable never acknowledges his inability to do this. In fact, he actually tells his master that he will repay (v. 29). This is an important, but often overlooked, detail of the story. I think it demonstrates that he never fully realized how great his debt was; and subsequently, he was not truly humbled to appreciate the gift of forgiveness he was about to receive. This should be a warning to us. Have we soul-searchingly humbled ourselves before the mighty throne of God, looked upon His perfect holiness, and admitted that our sin was greater than we could ever repay? Before you shrug this off as being a rhetorical question, consider this: often the greatest test of this we'll ever face is when we, like the unmerciful servant, must deal with someone who "owes us." Let me explain what I mean.
As in the parable, whenever someone is injured, offended, or sinned against by another, it establishes a debtor relationship. The person in your life that hurt you is your "debtor." The proud servant in this passage had a debtor too. How did he deal with him? He "went and threw him in prison." Locked him up. Funny thing is, he sent his fellow servant to prison where he could not repay the debt. So what good did it do the wicked servant to do this? You and I know the answer, don't we? No good. Likewise, no one can ever repay us for the harm they caused either. And because they can't repay, it does us no good to "get even" or to hold their offense against them forever.
I hope, my friend, you can see the direction I'm leading you. In your heart of hearts you know that your husband, the other woman, or whomever, owes you. However, I'm also asking you to consider how much, how great a payment, you owe God. Remember: the servant (who we are much alike, I'm afraid) owed more than he could ever repay; while the fellow servant owed much, much less. Ouch, that hurts! Oh how our flesh cringes at the thought that this person, who hurt us so badly - maybe worse than we've ever experienced, owes us little in the light of our debt towards God.
This concept however, when fully grasped, will set you free in two ways: First, and most importantly, you will be able to praise God like never before. Meditate with me on Paul's words in these two verses: "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) He did this while we were still utterly offensive to Him! And think - our offenses were worse, infinitely worse than that particular person's offenses against you and me. Now that truly is love. What's more, it is with that incredible love that He actively loves us! Did you catch the word "actively" there? If you doubt that, or just need encouragement, grab your Bible and check out Romans 8:35-39. Please, don't just read it. Drink it in! Let each word speak to your heart today!
35"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. 37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
The second verse is 2 Corinthians 9:15, "Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!" Although lengthy, I like what the 19th century theologian Albert Barnes said in his Notes on the New Testament regarding this: "This is a gift unspeakably great, whose value no language can express, no heart fully conceive. It is so because:
(a) Of His own greatness and glory;
(b) Because of the inexpressible love which He evinced;
(c) Because of the unutterable sufferings which He endured;
(d) Because of the inexpressibly great benefits which result from His work. No language can do justice to this work in either of these respects; no heart in this world fully conceives the obligation which rests upon man in virtue of His work.
(2) Thanks should be rendered to God for this. We owe Him our highest praises for this. This appears:
(a) Because it was mere benevolence in God. We had no claim; we could not compel Him to grant us a Saviour. The gift might have been withheld, and His throne would have been spotless, We owe no thanks where we have a claim; where we deserve nothing, then He who benefits us has a claim on our thanks.
(b) Because of the benefits which we have received from Him. Who can express this? All our peace and hope; all our comfort and joy in this life; all our prospect of pardon and salvation; all the offers of eternal glory are to be traced to Him. Man has no prospect of being happy when he dies but in virtue of the "unspeakable gift" of God. And when he thinks of his sins, which may now be freely pardoned; when he thinks of an agitated and troubled conscience, which may now be at peace; when he thinks of his soul, which may now be unspeakably and eternally happy; when he thinks of the hell from which he is delivered, and of the heaven to whose eternal glories he may now be raised up by the gift of a Saviour, his heart should overflow with gratitude, and the language should be continually on his lips and in his heart, "thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift." Every other mercy should seem small compared with this; and every manifestation of right feeling in the heart should lead us to contemplate the source of it, and to feel, as Paul did, that all is to be traced to the unspeakable gift of God."
Well, I certainly couldn't have said it better myself! But let's look at the second way you can be set free by the truth we're discovering in this parable. It deals with your heart. Look again at the last statement Jesus makes in the passage from Matthew, "My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” What will the Father do? Verse 34 tells us that He will hand you over to be "tortured." While this may seem harsh for me to point this out, what I mean is that when you're unforgiving towards someone, your heart is in bondage. The best way for me to demonstrate this is to share a little snippet from my own story.
I've mentioned several times the lady whom the Lord sent into my life. Well, after I confessed to her that I was struggling with unforgiveness, I shared the details of it - how it was affecting my life. Since we live in the country, I told her that I avoided going to town as much as possible. I was so angry towards that woman that it kept me from going certain places, and driving down certain streets, whenever I had to be in town - because I might run into her! Immediately my friend said to me, "Why are you making an idol of this woman?" I replied, "What do you mean?!" She went on, "Who is controlling your life right now? Who's determining what you do and don't do? Would you say it's the Holy Spirit or this woman?" I thought for a moment. The woman I guess. "Then she's become an idol to you. And God does not want you to have anything before Him."
Oh boy - did she ever hit the nail on the head! I was in bondage, because I was steeped in idolatry. My heart was not right with the Lord as long as someone else controlled me. Who or what should control you and me then? "For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died." (2 Cor. 5:14) Since according to 1 John 4:16 God is love, we can reason that the "love of Christ" and God are one and the same. Therefore, God alone should be the One to control us. And notice the connection between that "controlling" love and the rest of the verse. It caused Paul to "conclude" something - to be affected in his way of thinking. I believe that we, too, should be transformed in the same manner. I'm talking about the very things we allow into in our hearts. Remember Paul's admonition in 2 Cor. 10:5 to take "every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." Friend, don't let that other person be your "master." Be free by taking those unforgiving thoughts captive, and by letting God's love both reassure and change you. At the end I'll have some concluding thoughts about that.
Well, I have gone on too long again. I'm starting to think that I'll only be able to mention one point in each of these posts! Anyway, let me share just two more things about freedom through forgiveness. Jesus said to forgive "from the heart." So how do you do that? Simply put, you make a conscious decision of the will to release that person from the debt they owe you. You may not "feel" anything right away. Don't worry, that's not the point. It's your decision that matters. You do have the ability to do it because God has already given you, through His divine power, everything pertaining to life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3) I've talked about that quite a bit already and I hope you're beginning to believe it, and grab hold of it. I encourage you to no longer allow Satan to "rent a room" in your heart; but rather, be like Jesus who said in John 14:30, "I will not speak much more with you, for the ruler of the world is coming, and he has nothing in Me."
In closing, let me share this wonderful quote from Lewis Smedes, "When you release the wrongdoer from the wrong, you cut a malignant tumor out of your inner life. You set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself."
Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't also share a wonderful series on forgiveness that you can download and listen to on your computer. It's by Charlyne Steinkamp, who has an amazing testimony of healing in her marriage. It's entitled, "Forgive Them" and can be found here:
http://rejoiceministries.org/forgivethem.html?utm_source=forgivethem.net&utm_medium=domain&utm_campaign=forgivethem.net
The Steinkamps founded Rejoice Marriage Ministries, and it's one of the most significant ministries I know of that's reaching out to hurting marriages and those battling to save them.
Blessings! Remember that God is your strength, your fortress, and your refuge. (Jer. 16:19)
Now, when I think about forgiveness I can't help but feel that this next truth is the one I treasure most, for a couple of reasons. For one, because it's highly practical; and two, because it seems to speak the most to wounded hearts. I hope you are as anxious as I am to get to it!
Freedom, Healing, Fruit-Bearing, & Reconciliation
Forgiveness is God's Plan (to Set You Free): When we looked at forgiveness being God's will, our text was Matthew 6. Now let's turn a few chapters to Matthew 18 and read another familiar passage of Scripture:
23“For this reason the kingdom of heaven may be compared to a king who wished to settle accounts with his slaves. 24When he had begun to settle them, one who owed him ten thousand talents was brought to him. 25But since he did not have the means to repay, his lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made. 26So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you everything.’ 27And the lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave him the debt. 28But that slave went out and found one of his fellow slaves who owed him a hundred denarii; and he seized him and began to choke him, saying, ‘Pay back what you owe.’ 29So his fellow slave fell to the ground and began to plead with him, saying, ‘Have patience with me and I will repay you.’ 30But he was unwilling and went and threw him in prison until he should pay back what was owed. 31So when his fellow slaves saw what had happened, they were deeply grieved and came and reported to their lord all that had happened. 32Then summoning him, his lord said to him, ‘You wicked slave, I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. 33Should you not also have had mercy on your fellow slave, in the same way that I had mercy on you?’ 34And his lord, moved with anger, handed him over to the torturers until he should repay all that was owed him. 35My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” (Matthew 18:23-35)
Often referred to as "The Parable of the Wicked Servant," or,"The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant," this powerful passage of Scripture gives us ample opportunity to glean some wisdom for our own lives. Let's go ahead then and study it in more detail!
The first thing I'd like to note is the amount of debt the servant owed the master - ten thousand talents. To understand this staggering sum I will quote from Max Lucado: "Before 'talent' meant skill, it meant money. It represented the largest unit of accounting in the Greek currency – 10,000 denarii. According to the parable of the workers, a denarius represented a day’s fair wages (Matt. 20:2). Multiply your daily wage by 10,000, and you discover the value of a talent. If you earn $30,000 a year and you annually work 260 days, you make about $115 a day. A talent in your case is valued at 10,000 times $115 or $1,150,000." Now, don't forget - the servant owed ten thousand times this amount; an impossible amount to repay!
Interestingly, the servant in this parable never acknowledges his inability to do this. In fact, he actually tells his master that he will repay (v. 29). This is an important, but often overlooked, detail of the story. I think it demonstrates that he never fully realized how great his debt was; and subsequently, he was not truly humbled to appreciate the gift of forgiveness he was about to receive. This should be a warning to us. Have we soul-searchingly humbled ourselves before the mighty throne of God, looked upon His perfect holiness, and admitted that our sin was greater than we could ever repay? Before you shrug this off as being a rhetorical question, consider this: often the greatest test of this we'll ever face is when we, like the unmerciful servant, must deal with someone who "owes us." Let me explain what I mean.
As in the parable, whenever someone is injured, offended, or sinned against by another, it establishes a debtor relationship. The person in your life that hurt you is your "debtor." The proud servant in this passage had a debtor too. How did he deal with him? He "went and threw him in prison." Locked him up. Funny thing is, he sent his fellow servant to prison where he could not repay the debt. So what good did it do the wicked servant to do this? You and I know the answer, don't we? No good. Likewise, no one can ever repay us for the harm they caused either. And because they can't repay, it does us no good to "get even" or to hold their offense against them forever.
I hope, my friend, you can see the direction I'm leading you. In your heart of hearts you know that your husband, the other woman, or whomever, owes you. However, I'm also asking you to consider how much, how great a payment, you owe God. Remember: the servant (who we are much alike, I'm afraid) owed more than he could ever repay; while the fellow servant owed much, much less. Ouch, that hurts! Oh how our flesh cringes at the thought that this person, who hurt us so badly - maybe worse than we've ever experienced, owes us little in the light of our debt towards God.
This concept however, when fully grasped, will set you free in two ways: First, and most importantly, you will be able to praise God like never before. Meditate with me on Paul's words in these two verses: "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) He did this while we were still utterly offensive to Him! And think - our offenses were worse, infinitely worse than that particular person's offenses against you and me. Now that truly is love. What's more, it is with that incredible love that He actively loves us! Did you catch the word "actively" there? If you doubt that, or just need encouragement, grab your Bible and check out Romans 8:35-39. Please, don't just read it. Drink it in! Let each word speak to your heart today!
35"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. 37Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. 38For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 39Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
The second verse is 2 Corinthians 9:15, "Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!" Although lengthy, I like what the 19th century theologian Albert Barnes said in his Notes on the New Testament regarding this: "This is a gift unspeakably great, whose value no language can express, no heart fully conceive. It is so because:
(a) Of His own greatness and glory;
(b) Because of the inexpressible love which He evinced;
(c) Because of the unutterable sufferings which He endured;
(d) Because of the inexpressibly great benefits which result from His work. No language can do justice to this work in either of these respects; no heart in this world fully conceives the obligation which rests upon man in virtue of His work.
(2) Thanks should be rendered to God for this. We owe Him our highest praises for this. This appears:
(a) Because it was mere benevolence in God. We had no claim; we could not compel Him to grant us a Saviour. The gift might have been withheld, and His throne would have been spotless, We owe no thanks where we have a claim; where we deserve nothing, then He who benefits us has a claim on our thanks.
(b) Because of the benefits which we have received from Him. Who can express this? All our peace and hope; all our comfort and joy in this life; all our prospect of pardon and salvation; all the offers of eternal glory are to be traced to Him. Man has no prospect of being happy when he dies but in virtue of the "unspeakable gift" of God. And when he thinks of his sins, which may now be freely pardoned; when he thinks of an agitated and troubled conscience, which may now be at peace; when he thinks of his soul, which may now be unspeakably and eternally happy; when he thinks of the hell from which he is delivered, and of the heaven to whose eternal glories he may now be raised up by the gift of a Saviour, his heart should overflow with gratitude, and the language should be continually on his lips and in his heart, "thanks be unto God for His unspeakable gift." Every other mercy should seem small compared with this; and every manifestation of right feeling in the heart should lead us to contemplate the source of it, and to feel, as Paul did, that all is to be traced to the unspeakable gift of God."
Well, I certainly couldn't have said it better myself! But let's look at the second way you can be set free by the truth we're discovering in this parable. It deals with your heart. Look again at the last statement Jesus makes in the passage from Matthew, "My heavenly Father will also do the same to you, if each of you does not forgive his brother from your heart.” What will the Father do? Verse 34 tells us that He will hand you over to be "tortured." While this may seem harsh for me to point this out, what I mean is that when you're unforgiving towards someone, your heart is in bondage. The best way for me to demonstrate this is to share a little snippet from my own story.
I've mentioned several times the lady whom the Lord sent into my life. Well, after I confessed to her that I was struggling with unforgiveness, I shared the details of it - how it was affecting my life. Since we live in the country, I told her that I avoided going to town as much as possible. I was so angry towards that woman that it kept me from going certain places, and driving down certain streets, whenever I had to be in town - because I might run into her! Immediately my friend said to me, "Why are you making an idol of this woman?" I replied, "What do you mean?!" She went on, "Who is controlling your life right now? Who's determining what you do and don't do? Would you say it's the Holy Spirit or this woman?" I thought for a moment. The woman I guess. "Then she's become an idol to you. And God does not want you to have anything before Him."
Oh boy - did she ever hit the nail on the head! I was in bondage, because I was steeped in idolatry. My heart was not right with the Lord as long as someone else controlled me. Who or what should control you and me then? "For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died." (2 Cor. 5:14) Since according to 1 John 4:16 God is love, we can reason that the "love of Christ" and God are one and the same. Therefore, God alone should be the One to control us. And notice the connection between that "controlling" love and the rest of the verse. It caused Paul to "conclude" something - to be affected in his way of thinking. I believe that we, too, should be transformed in the same manner. I'm talking about the very things we allow into in our hearts. Remember Paul's admonition in 2 Cor. 10:5 to take "every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." Friend, don't let that other person be your "master." Be free by taking those unforgiving thoughts captive, and by letting God's love both reassure and change you. At the end I'll have some concluding thoughts about that.
Well, I have gone on too long again. I'm starting to think that I'll only be able to mention one point in each of these posts! Anyway, let me share just two more things about freedom through forgiveness. Jesus said to forgive "from the heart." So how do you do that? Simply put, you make a conscious decision of the will to release that person from the debt they owe you. You may not "feel" anything right away. Don't worry, that's not the point. It's your decision that matters. You do have the ability to do it because God has already given you, through His divine power, everything pertaining to life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3) I've talked about that quite a bit already and I hope you're beginning to believe it, and grab hold of it. I encourage you to no longer allow Satan to "rent a room" in your heart; but rather, be like Jesus who said in John 14:30, "I will not speak much more with you, for the ruler of the world is coming, and he has nothing in Me."
In closing, let me share this wonderful quote from Lewis Smedes, "When you release the wrongdoer from the wrong, you cut a malignant tumor out of your inner life. You set a prisoner free, but you discover that the real prisoner was yourself."
Finally, I would be remiss if I didn't also share a wonderful series on forgiveness that you can download and listen to on your computer. It's by Charlyne Steinkamp, who has an amazing testimony of healing in her marriage. It's entitled, "Forgive Them" and can be found here:
http://rejoiceministries.org/forgivethem.html?utm_source=forgivethem.net&utm_medium=domain&utm_campaign=forgivethem.net
The Steinkamps founded Rejoice Marriage Ministries, and it's one of the most significant ministries I know of that's reaching out to hurting marriages and those battling to save them.
Blessings! Remember that God is your strength, your fortress, and your refuge. (Jer. 16:19)
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Healing Your Marriage Through Forgiveness: Part 1
"For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment." James 2:13
I have to admit - writing these posts on forgiveness isn't easy. More specifically, the last week has forced me to do some real self-examination. Have I truly forgiven? Am I really free? As I go along then, I hope this series will be an opportunity to re-discover with you some of the principles of forgiveness I've learned, and see whether I'm still walking in them. I do know one thing for sure: overcoming unforgiveness is my choice because God's grace is always sufficient. I can either believe that in His death and resurrection He delivered me from not only the penalty of sin, but also the power of sin; or I can doubt and suffer defeat. Either way, I decide. Believing, and thereby choosing victory in this battle with unforgiveness, is also going to give my marriage the best shot. And I'd be willing to bet that since you're reading this, you want to give your marriage a chance too. Join with me then in hearing the heart of our Father, won't you?
The first thing I feel I need to share with you right now is that you're not alone. You are not alone if you struggle with unforgiveness; particularly if you're moving through the stages that follow marital unfaithfulness. Satan, our enemy, is a master at making you and me feel like we're the only one. His desire is to keep us from being real with others and able to receive the encouragement we need. But if we confess our struggle with unforgiveness to other godly women, it allows them to pray and share wise counsel with us. This was certainly true in my case. It wasn't until God miraculously brought the woman I told you about into my life that I was able to open up. I had felt ashamed of myself; too embarrassed to admit to anyone I was unforgiving. Talking and praying with her literally changed the course of my life, and I was finally able to begin moving forward in forgiveness.
Say, however, Satan is unable to convince you that you're the only one who can't seem to forgive. He may try another tactic. Instead, he may try to get you to believe that your thoughts, feelings, and issues are far worse or "more sinful" than most. That too, is a lie. That's why I want to reassure you that my negative feelings, perhaps like some you're experiencing, were extremely strong toward the other woman.
Okay, so it's time for total transparency: One thing I did was continuously refer to this woman, not by her name, but by the Biblical name "Jezebel." It was Jezebel who led the nation of Israel spiritually astray (1 Kings 16:31; 18:18; Rev. 2:20), and it seemed to me that this woman was also a Jezebel for leading my husband astray. Because of my near-constant anger toward her, I resorted to name-calling. If that were not enough, I'm ashamed to say that I also shouted vulgar things at my husband like, "If she would have just kept her slutty mouth shut we wouldn't be in this boat!"
There was other really ugly stuff, but you get the idea. Now, while I did need to repent of behavior that is not Christ-like, I also know that I sinned because I am not yet perfect. Someday Jesus will complete the work begun in (me). Until then I'll submit to God by believing His Word which says that "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) Furthermore, I'll also resist the lies of the enemy designed to make me feel isolated, or like I'm the only one. My hope is that you will be encouraged to do the same. So without further ado, let's move on to understanding what forgiveness is, and how we can begin taking steps to healing.
While I don't agree with everything that Focus on the Family publishes, one definition for forgiveness that really helped me define my ultimate goal was from an article by Ed Chinn. In essence, his definition was "Giving up all hope for a better past." That was just it! There was my "sticking point." As I read it over I recognized that I was still wishing that things could have been different; that the affair had never happened. I hadn't yet accepted that it had happened.
Sadly, you and I cannot change the past no matter how much we'd like to. However, for me, working towards acceptance - a concrete goal - was tremendously helpful as I simultaneously continued to apply God's Word to my situation. The article, entitled Walking in Forgiveness, is on the Focus website and may be helpful to you. I recommend it even though there are a couple minor things I disagree with.
Having a useful definition for forgiveness can certainly aid us; but it's infinitely more important to study Scripture and shed the light of God's perspective on it. So like I did in the last post, I will go through five things that seem to sum up the Bible's teaching on the issue of forgiveness. Along the way I'll share some personal insights and ways you can apply His Word to your life. However, since I'm already getting long-winded, I think I'll have to break it up into two parts!
Forgiveness is God's will: I'm sure this is not a new revelation to you. But look with me if you will at a familiar verse. In Matthew 6:14-15 Jesus says, “For if you forgive others for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions." Interestingly He says this just after giving His disciples the model prayer; as if the Lord was reiterating a point He didn't want them to miss - forgive your enemies. He wanted them to understand that none of the other petitions in the prayer would mean anything if they did not forgive others. So it is with us; we short-circuit our spiritual life and our effectiveness in the kingdom when we harbor unforgiveness.
Just knowing this spurred me on to plead with God to help me. I didn't want to be disobedient, but I also knew how weak I was in the flesh. As I said in my last post, this is an area God can be glorified by our dependence on Him. "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me," the apostle Paul tells us in Philippians 4:13. I love what Matthew Henry's classic commentary says regarding this verse: "In a low state (we do not) lose our comfort in God, nor distrust His providence... Through Christ we have grace to do what is good, and through Him we must expect the reward." Do you believe that? I promise you - He will give you grace when you humbly seek Him. "But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble." (James 4:6) And He will also give you the reward of that - being enabled to forgive the one who offended you.
I do have a suggestion here. One spiritual discipline that will help you humble yourself before the Lord is to practice fasting. I hate to admit it, but prior to last summer fasting wasn't real high on my to-do list! I never really saw the necessity of it. But when faced with giants in my life, including adultery and unforgiveness, fasting became a way of truly clinging to God. It freed up precious time so that I could be in prayer longer; while at the same time helping me to deny the flesh and focus on the Spirit. "For the mind set on the flesh is death, but the mind set on the Spirit is life and peace." (Romans 8:6) If you've never fasted before, try doing it at just one meal - like breakfast - and soon I think you'll discover the wonderful benefits of it.
Hmm, I'm looking at the time and getting tired. It's past my bedtime. I would love to write more tonight but I think it'll have to wait. Please stay tuned for more though, won't you? Next time we'll cover the other four points and continue on our journey together.
Thanks for being here. I want you to know again that I'm praying for each and every one that visits Oil of His Grace. Keep looking to Jesus!
Father, please help each one reading this blog to fix their eyes on Jesus. I praise and thank You that according to Your Word in Isaiah 26:3 "You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you."
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Take a Stand for Your Marriage: God is On Your Side!
Sorry about not posting for a couple weeks now! We went on a little family trip and then came back home to begin another year of homeschooling. I've been busy but thinking all the while that I need to get this post written! Thanks for your patience.
Anyway, in my first post regarding my husband's affair, I told you about how I learned that God never changes. That truth is so fundamental to whatever anyone may be going through, that it cannot be overstated. Meditate long and hard on His faithfulness and your spirit will soon be lifted up over your circumstances. "Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness." (Psalm 37:3) Interestingly, in the margin of my Bible, it says that the phrase "cultivate faithfulness" can be literally translated, "Feed on His faithfulness." Although I'm not familiar with the American Standard Version and know nothing about its accuracy, it actually does render that verse, "Trust in Jehovah, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness." Oh that we would get a hold of that! How wonderful to know that when we have no strength, when bitter trials and hurt seem to be our "food" - we can choose to feed on His faithfulness, which is always sweet!
In this article today I want to share some more good news with you. I'll tell you more of my story and hopefully give you some hope. As I stated before, when my husband, Aaron, started talking and acting in ways that were contrary to the Bible and to the lifestyle we were accustomed to living, I was alarmed. A deep fear and dread arose in me that I literally felt in the pit of my stomach. For about a week prior to having my suspicions confirmed, I was so sick-feeling that I could barely eat. Then one evening in June of last year, with both children gone to either a friend's house or work, I asked him, "Just where are you getting all this stuff?!?" Silence ensued for a moment. To me it felt like eternity while my heart beat loudly in my ears. Then he stopped eating, looked at me with what I can only describe as a wicked smile and said, "Do you really want to know?" Fear creeping over me, I managed a weak, "Yes."
However, now he hesitated and acted as if he wasn't sure if he wanted to tell me or not. In fact, he skirted around the issue the rest of the evening until I was so weary that I went to bed in despair - convinced that the issue was what I dreaded most. The next morning, while he was getting ready for work, I slipped into the bathroom to talk to him. That's when he finally told me that he had a "friend" he'd been talking to since April 27 (he knew the exact date!). He said she was opening his eyes to a whole new way of looking at things. Struggling to hold back the tears I asked if they got together to talk. He said they had gotten together once, but since we live in a small town, they had decided to just talk by cell phone and email. This certainly explained why he was going to the library all the time! I then told him that this was unacceptable to me but he replied that he had no intention of quitting. In fact, he said, he also was not going to tell me who she was because he didn't want me "causing a scene with her." I was so outraged and hurt. I now felt like I had been kicked in the stomach!
I crawled back in bed, not knowing what to do but feeling like nothing else in the world mattered. My anxious thoughts tumbled around in my mind, but the one I couldn't escape from was, "At the very least, my husband is having an emotional affair!" I had asked him if he'd been physical with her, but he denied it. This was no comfort, however, since I didn't feel I could trust a single word that came out of his mouth. In fact, I was sure he was down-playing it. What followed was a tearful morning of phone calls to our pastor and his wife Kathy, another close friend, and my mother.
I agreed to get together with Kathy later that day. In the meantime, with Aaron gone to work, I grabbed my Bible and turned to the Psalms - pleading with the Lord for a word of comfort from Him. God is so good! In response, He clearly led me to the Psalm 27. I was especially touched by verse 10, "For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me up." I substituted "husband" for "father" and "mother" and felt confident that God had indeed taken me up. He was holding me close, comforting me the way a father holds his daughter who has scraped her knee, or who has endured careless or hurtful words flung at her. In that beautiful moment God was just beginning to teach me how to trust Him in ways that I never had to before.
While I was spending time with the Lord that morning, my friend Rachel called. I shared with her what was going on and read Psalm 27 to her. Afterward she encouraged me to write it down in a journal, along with the date. While I had always kept a prayer journal, it was sort of "generic" - just one or two lines describing a prayer request. However, after that day I've kept her advice and my journal has become a personal memoir, an outpouring of my heart - pain and anguish, as well as incredible praise and answered prayer. If you're reading this because you're facing adultery, let me encourage you to also begin journaling. I think you will find it tremendously helpful.
A few heart-breaking weeks passed. The whole family was now involved. My husband's parents, as well as his sister, had all tried to talk him out of his sinful behavior. Instead of repenting, he actually told them that this new woman was pushing him for divorce and he was wondering if they would accept her into the family. Additionally, our pastor also had many talks with him. Nothing anyone said made any difference. He acted as a man addicted to a powerful "drug"; he would stop at nothing to have it. Sadly, although he had previously been very close with our daughter, he even told me during this time that he was "losing interest in her." Unfathomable! But that's what adultery, or any sin does. "Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." (James 1:15) Our family, our marriage - his relationships, his spiritual life, were dying a slow, painful death.
I wish I could go on but space and time constrain me. I'd love to tell you more so I could paint the full picture of just how bad it really got: Horrible betrayal of our son - with my grief-filled reaction being that I slapped my husband across the face for the first (and only) time in our marriage history, secret calls to divorce lawyers, many nights sleeping alone on the couch, spying on my husband and discovering who the other woman was, venomous words thrown in my face, and incredible lying and deceiving. Add to this that in two months' time, during which I completely lost my appetite, I shed 28 pounds from my small frame.
I said a moment ago that I wish I could tell you more of the details to demonstrate how desperate things became. That's because then I could show you even more just how BIG GOD IS. Oh how I praise Him for that! For me the turning point in the crisis came on a morning when I had already been up since before dawn praying and pleading with God. While I was praying the Lord kept bringing to my mind a picture of the book "Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl sitting in the pile on my nightstand. I hadn't picked it up in over a year. I didn't want to now either! "Lord, I know what THAT book says," I prayed inwardly. "That's not going to help - it doesn't apply to me," I continued to reason. My argument made sense - to me anyway - since Debi Pearl means it when she writes that wives are to be helpmeets - period. Even to mean, unkind husbands. Despite what pop culture or anyone else may say, the sins of our men are not an excuse for us to neglect our God-given calling and duty as wives.
So as I sat there I grew frustrated and confused. Not a lot of people knew about our situation, but some well-meaning Christian friends told me that, at the very least, I should separate from Aaron. One couple even offered the children and me an apartment in their basement. Of course, that was a horribly depressing option and the thought of uprooting my kids tore me apart. I had even asked him to leave but he wouldn't do that either. I searched the Scriptures looking for verses to justify what I really wanted to do, but was afraid to - divorce him. After all, what choice did I really have? He kept on with her and I had had enough! I was humiliated. But on this particular morning I was tired. Not just physically tired, but emotionally and spiritually tired too.
"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (Psalm 46:10)
"Could God be speaking to me?" I wondered. He really seemed to be impressing on my heart that I needed to pick up that book. I went and grabbed it. When I held it on my lap it fell open to a letter the author had entitled "The Desperate Wife." Immediately it caught my attention. In the short letter to Mrs. Pearl, the woman detailed her husband's emotional affair and gave a heart-wrenching plea for wisdom. In many ways it could have been me who wrote it. Tears fell on the book as I began to sob and read Debi Pearl's beautiful, four-page response. In essence she told her to get off her self-righteous high horse and fight for her man. The words that literally jumped off the page for me were, "God is on your side. Fight and win." And a little further down where she stated, "God stands with you when you stand by your man, but you will stand alone if you insist on standing by your rights." A revelation came to me. God is on MY side! Not the other woman's. He's going to honor me and fight for me because He is for our marriage. "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." (Malachi 2:16)
Peace literally flooded over me. Now, after days and weeks of striving, agonizing over what to do, flip-flopping between this idea and that, I finally knew just what the Lord wanted me to do. "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4) Wasn't saving my marriage and restoring it what I really wanted?
I called one of my dearest friends, who was also my best prayer partner. When I told her what God had shown me she said that it was exactly what she had been thinking too. She rejoiced with me and pledged her support. In the months that followed I leaned on her an awful lot! The going did get pretty tough at times. But I kept my eyes on the Lord and didn't trust my own feelings - instead I chose to trust what the Word of God said. I also clung to the belief that Aaron and I were going to experience complete restoration.
An integral key to survival and fully experiencing God's grace during this time was that I continued to seek Him 2-3 hours daily. Part of that was taking a crash course in prayer! I read and practiced the things I learned in the classic book, With Christ in the School of Prayer: A 31-Day Course in Christian Prayer, with Note on George Muller
. In my next post I plan to highlight some of those things for you and give you practical ways to begin praying and taking a stand for your marriage.
One challenge I had was learning to love my husband unconditionally. It was hard. I won't lie to you. It stretched me in ways I never had been before. Most days I had to remind myself that Christ's glory was central. Did I care more about my comfort, or bringing honor to Jesus? As for Aaron, he was pretty surprised when I began to repay him good for evil. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:21, emphasis mine) Did you catch that? Do you want the current evil in your life to be stopped dead in its tracks? Overcome it with good! The only way I made it was to rely on God's strength and refuse to allow Aaron's behavior to color mine. Finally, I held on to the promise, "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." (Galatians 6:9)
Bottom line is this: If you find yourself in similar circumstances, and want to save your marriage, BE THE ONE to start. Love unconditionally and begin to "stand in the gap." (Ezekiel 22:30) Don't wait for your husband to change or come to his senses because he may not without you winning him - "without a word." (1 Peter 3:1) Sincerely ask God to make you a "1 Peter 3 wife" and watch Him do it!
Anyway, in my first post regarding my husband's affair, I told you about how I learned that God never changes. That truth is so fundamental to whatever anyone may be going through, that it cannot be overstated. Meditate long and hard on His faithfulness and your spirit will soon be lifted up over your circumstances. "Trust in the LORD and do good; Dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness." (Psalm 37:3) Interestingly, in the margin of my Bible, it says that the phrase "cultivate faithfulness" can be literally translated, "Feed on His faithfulness." Although I'm not familiar with the American Standard Version and know nothing about its accuracy, it actually does render that verse, "Trust in Jehovah, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness." Oh that we would get a hold of that! How wonderful to know that when we have no strength, when bitter trials and hurt seem to be our "food" - we can choose to feed on His faithfulness, which is always sweet!
In this article today I want to share some more good news with you. I'll tell you more of my story and hopefully give you some hope. As I stated before, when my husband, Aaron, started talking and acting in ways that were contrary to the Bible and to the lifestyle we were accustomed to living, I was alarmed. A deep fear and dread arose in me that I literally felt in the pit of my stomach. For about a week prior to having my suspicions confirmed, I was so sick-feeling that I could barely eat. Then one evening in June of last year, with both children gone to either a friend's house or work, I asked him, "Just where are you getting all this stuff?!?" Silence ensued for a moment. To me it felt like eternity while my heart beat loudly in my ears. Then he stopped eating, looked at me with what I can only describe as a wicked smile and said, "Do you really want to know?" Fear creeping over me, I managed a weak, "Yes."
However, now he hesitated and acted as if he wasn't sure if he wanted to tell me or not. In fact, he skirted around the issue the rest of the evening until I was so weary that I went to bed in despair - convinced that the issue was what I dreaded most. The next morning, while he was getting ready for work, I slipped into the bathroom to talk to him. That's when he finally told me that he had a "friend" he'd been talking to since April 27 (he knew the exact date!). He said she was opening his eyes to a whole new way of looking at things. Struggling to hold back the tears I asked if they got together to talk. He said they had gotten together once, but since we live in a small town, they had decided to just talk by cell phone and email. This certainly explained why he was going to the library all the time! I then told him that this was unacceptable to me but he replied that he had no intention of quitting. In fact, he said, he also was not going to tell me who she was because he didn't want me "causing a scene with her." I was so outraged and hurt. I now felt like I had been kicked in the stomach!
I crawled back in bed, not knowing what to do but feeling like nothing else in the world mattered. My anxious thoughts tumbled around in my mind, but the one I couldn't escape from was, "At the very least, my husband is having an emotional affair!" I had asked him if he'd been physical with her, but he denied it. This was no comfort, however, since I didn't feel I could trust a single word that came out of his mouth. In fact, I was sure he was down-playing it. What followed was a tearful morning of phone calls to our pastor and his wife Kathy, another close friend, and my mother.
I agreed to get together with Kathy later that day. In the meantime, with Aaron gone to work, I grabbed my Bible and turned to the Psalms - pleading with the Lord for a word of comfort from Him. God is so good! In response, He clearly led me to the Psalm 27. I was especially touched by verse 10, "For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the LORD will take me up." I substituted "husband" for "father" and "mother" and felt confident that God had indeed taken me up. He was holding me close, comforting me the way a father holds his daughter who has scraped her knee, or who has endured careless or hurtful words flung at her. In that beautiful moment God was just beginning to teach me how to trust Him in ways that I never had to before.
While I was spending time with the Lord that morning, my friend Rachel called. I shared with her what was going on and read Psalm 27 to her. Afterward she encouraged me to write it down in a journal, along with the date. While I had always kept a prayer journal, it was sort of "generic" - just one or two lines describing a prayer request. However, after that day I've kept her advice and my journal has become a personal memoir, an outpouring of my heart - pain and anguish, as well as incredible praise and answered prayer. If you're reading this because you're facing adultery, let me encourage you to also begin journaling. I think you will find it tremendously helpful.
A few heart-breaking weeks passed. The whole family was now involved. My husband's parents, as well as his sister, had all tried to talk him out of his sinful behavior. Instead of repenting, he actually told them that this new woman was pushing him for divorce and he was wondering if they would accept her into the family. Additionally, our pastor also had many talks with him. Nothing anyone said made any difference. He acted as a man addicted to a powerful "drug"; he would stop at nothing to have it. Sadly, although he had previously been very close with our daughter, he even told me during this time that he was "losing interest in her." Unfathomable! But that's what adultery, or any sin does. "Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death." (James 1:15) Our family, our marriage - his relationships, his spiritual life, were dying a slow, painful death.
I wish I could go on but space and time constrain me. I'd love to tell you more so I could paint the full picture of just how bad it really got: Horrible betrayal of our son - with my grief-filled reaction being that I slapped my husband across the face for the first (and only) time in our marriage history, secret calls to divorce lawyers, many nights sleeping alone on the couch, spying on my husband and discovering who the other woman was, venomous words thrown in my face, and incredible lying and deceiving. Add to this that in two months' time, during which I completely lost my appetite, I shed 28 pounds from my small frame.
I said a moment ago that I wish I could tell you more of the details to demonstrate how desperate things became. That's because then I could show you even more just how BIG GOD IS. Oh how I praise Him for that! For me the turning point in the crisis came on a morning when I had already been up since before dawn praying and pleading with God. While I was praying the Lord kept bringing to my mind a picture of the book "Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl sitting in the pile on my nightstand. I hadn't picked it up in over a year. I didn't want to now either! "Lord, I know what THAT book says," I prayed inwardly. "That's not going to help - it doesn't apply to me," I continued to reason. My argument made sense - to me anyway - since Debi Pearl means it when she writes that wives are to be helpmeets - period. Even to mean, unkind husbands. Despite what pop culture or anyone else may say, the sins of our men are not an excuse for us to neglect our God-given calling and duty as wives.
So as I sat there I grew frustrated and confused. Not a lot of people knew about our situation, but some well-meaning Christian friends told me that, at the very least, I should separate from Aaron. One couple even offered the children and me an apartment in their basement. Of course, that was a horribly depressing option and the thought of uprooting my kids tore me apart. I had even asked him to leave but he wouldn't do that either. I searched the Scriptures looking for verses to justify what I really wanted to do, but was afraid to - divorce him. After all, what choice did I really have? He kept on with her and I had had enough! I was humiliated. But on this particular morning I was tired. Not just physically tired, but emotionally and spiritually tired too.
"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." (Psalm 46:10)
"Could God be speaking to me?" I wondered. He really seemed to be impressing on my heart that I needed to pick up that book. I went and grabbed it. When I held it on my lap it fell open to a letter the author had entitled "The Desperate Wife." Immediately it caught my attention. In the short letter to Mrs. Pearl, the woman detailed her husband's emotional affair and gave a heart-wrenching plea for wisdom. In many ways it could have been me who wrote it. Tears fell on the book as I began to sob and read Debi Pearl's beautiful, four-page response. In essence she told her to get off her self-righteous high horse and fight for her man. The words that literally jumped off the page for me were, "God is on your side. Fight and win." And a little further down where she stated, "God stands with you when you stand by your man, but you will stand alone if you insist on standing by your rights." A revelation came to me. God is on MY side! Not the other woman's. He's going to honor me and fight for me because He is for our marriage. "For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously." (Malachi 2:16)
Peace literally flooded over me. Now, after days and weeks of striving, agonizing over what to do, flip-flopping between this idea and that, I finally knew just what the Lord wanted me to do. "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalm 37:4) Wasn't saving my marriage and restoring it what I really wanted?
I called one of my dearest friends, who was also my best prayer partner. When I told her what God had shown me she said that it was exactly what she had been thinking too. She rejoiced with me and pledged her support. In the months that followed I leaned on her an awful lot! The going did get pretty tough at times. But I kept my eyes on the Lord and didn't trust my own feelings - instead I chose to trust what the Word of God said. I also clung to the belief that Aaron and I were going to experience complete restoration.
An integral key to survival and fully experiencing God's grace during this time was that I continued to seek Him 2-3 hours daily. Part of that was taking a crash course in prayer! I read and practiced the things I learned in the classic book, With Christ in the School of Prayer: A 31-Day Course in Christian Prayer, with Note on George Muller
. In my next post I plan to highlight some of those things for you and give you practical ways to begin praying and taking a stand for your marriage. One challenge I had was learning to love my husband unconditionally. It was hard. I won't lie to you. It stretched me in ways I never had been before. Most days I had to remind myself that Christ's glory was central. Did I care more about my comfort, or bringing honor to Jesus? As for Aaron, he was pretty surprised when I began to repay him good for evil. "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." (Romans 12:21, emphasis mine) Did you catch that? Do you want the current evil in your life to be stopped dead in its tracks? Overcome it with good! The only way I made it was to rely on God's strength and refuse to allow Aaron's behavior to color mine. Finally, I held on to the promise, "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not." (Galatians 6:9)
Bottom line is this: If you find yourself in similar circumstances, and want to save your marriage, BE THE ONE to start. Love unconditionally and begin to "stand in the gap." (Ezekiel 22:30) Don't wait for your husband to change or come to his senses because he may not without you winning him - "without a word." (1 Peter 3:1) Sincerely ask God to make you a "1 Peter 3 wife" and watch Him do it!
"God is on your side. Fight and win." - Debi Pearl, "Created to Be His Helpmeet"
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Not My Smile - A Jesus Smile
"Lord, help me smile at my husband right now," I prayed inwardly as I saw Aaron coming toward me. "I'm weak and I literally don't have the strength to do it on my own, so please give me one - a Jesus smile." He was still a ways off so I had a little time before I needed to flash him my most brilliant, most admiring smile. After the irritable, harsh way he had treated me earlier it had to be the Lord's strength or not at all. "Oh, and Father, please let it touch his heart too," I added quickly. It really had to be my best smile, the one that communicates something to him that words can't express, the smile that I always jokingly tell him is reserved "just for him."
So did I feel like being the one to humble myself? No way! In fact, as far as I could recall, I had done nothing to offend him that day. Have I always been this way - willing to overlook, willing to show respect whether he changed his behavior or not? The answer would have to be a resounding NO! In fact, it really wasn't all that long ago that I would have held on to the hurt I was feeling and made him pay for it. Or pouted long enough to make him feel bad by displaying downcast eyes and a long face; a tactic, by the way, which never worked. But praise God that He is ever patient with us and teaches us the things we need to know, when we really need to know it.
Now, all this would seem perhaps trivial if I were simply another wife who has a sometimes grumpy husband and I'd learned a thing or two about dealing with him; but maybe it would change your mind if I told you that only a year ago (no, a little less - it was June) I found out my husband was having an affair. It was an event that left my children and I feeling that the world was somehow spinning out of control. That Aaron and I are even together now is a miracle. But God's like that. He does things BIG so that we can take none of the credit.
Well, that leads me to what's on my heart. I hope to be able to reach out to even one dear sister in the Lord who's struggling with issues in her marriage or her personal life. Maybe we share some of the same experiences. Mine are certainly varied. Painful times that have either been out of my control, or sadly, brought on by my own deep wanderings into sin. I'm anxious to share the details of them with you through Oil of His Grace and the way God's grace has brought me through them and is enabling me to "Comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which (I myself am) comforted by God," 2 Corinthians 1:4.
I feel so blessed to finally write a blog. For some time now I've felt that the Lord was telling me that He didn't bring me through all these different trials just to keep the wonderful things He has done for me, and the things I've learned, to myself. And so, that's the purpose of my blog - to share what wisdom the Lord has allowed me to gain in each set of circumstances, and encourage you along the way. I want to show how Jesus is central to everything.
Adultery just happens to be the most recent trial in my life. It doesn't define me (a wife whose husband has been unfaithful) - it can't, because my life is hidden with Christ in God. In fact, my life has become richer, more full of God because of the experience and the subsequent grace that's flooded over me. That's just what grace does though. It gives us more of Him! So can I smile at my husband even when he doesn't "deserve it?" Of course I can, because it's a Jesus smile. A smile given to an imperfect husband, by an imperfect wife, through the strength God supplies, so that He may be glorified. (1 Peter 4:11)
I'm glad you stopped by! Please stay tuned - in my next post I want to tell you a little bit more about myself. It's funny - I didn't think about it until I was ready to start this blog, but the three "major" trials I've gone through all begin with the letter 'A.' Okay, to be fair, I've got a couple other significant ones to throw in there (and they don't start with 'A'), so I'll be touching on those too. As I said before, my goal is to point women to Christ. Through my story I'll weave in the ways God demonstrated His faithfulness, and how He REDEEMED those situations for His glory. Whether we share similar stories is not what's important; what is important is that suffering, in whatever form, is common to us all. He alone is sufficient. His grace is sufficient too. Until next time then, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)
So did I feel like being the one to humble myself? No way! In fact, as far as I could recall, I had done nothing to offend him that day. Have I always been this way - willing to overlook, willing to show respect whether he changed his behavior or not? The answer would have to be a resounding NO! In fact, it really wasn't all that long ago that I would have held on to the hurt I was feeling and made him pay for it. Or pouted long enough to make him feel bad by displaying downcast eyes and a long face; a tactic, by the way, which never worked. But praise God that He is ever patient with us and teaches us the things we need to know, when we really need to know it.
Now, all this would seem perhaps trivial if I were simply another wife who has a sometimes grumpy husband and I'd learned a thing or two about dealing with him; but maybe it would change your mind if I told you that only a year ago (no, a little less - it was June) I found out my husband was having an affair. It was an event that left my children and I feeling that the world was somehow spinning out of control. That Aaron and I are even together now is a miracle. But God's like that. He does things BIG so that we can take none of the credit.
Well, that leads me to what's on my heart. I hope to be able to reach out to even one dear sister in the Lord who's struggling with issues in her marriage or her personal life. Maybe we share some of the same experiences. Mine are certainly varied. Painful times that have either been out of my control, or sadly, brought on by my own deep wanderings into sin. I'm anxious to share the details of them with you through Oil of His Grace and the way God's grace has brought me through them and is enabling me to "Comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which (I myself am) comforted by God," 2 Corinthians 1:4.
I feel so blessed to finally write a blog. For some time now I've felt that the Lord was telling me that He didn't bring me through all these different trials just to keep the wonderful things He has done for me, and the things I've learned, to myself. And so, that's the purpose of my blog - to share what wisdom the Lord has allowed me to gain in each set of circumstances, and encourage you along the way. I want to show how Jesus is central to everything.
Adultery just happens to be the most recent trial in my life. It doesn't define me (a wife whose husband has been unfaithful) - it can't, because my life is hidden with Christ in God. In fact, my life has become richer, more full of God because of the experience and the subsequent grace that's flooded over me. That's just what grace does though. It gives us more of Him! So can I smile at my husband even when he doesn't "deserve it?" Of course I can, because it's a Jesus smile. A smile given to an imperfect husband, by an imperfect wife, through the strength God supplies, so that He may be glorified. (1 Peter 4:11)
I'm glad you stopped by! Please stay tuned - in my next post I want to tell you a little bit more about myself. It's funny - I didn't think about it until I was ready to start this blog, but the three "major" trials I've gone through all begin with the letter 'A.' Okay, to be fair, I've got a couple other significant ones to throw in there (and they don't start with 'A'), so I'll be touching on those too. As I said before, my goal is to point women to Christ. Through my story I'll weave in the ways God demonstrated His faithfulness, and how He REDEEMED those situations for His glory. Whether we share similar stories is not what's important; what is important is that suffering, in whatever form, is common to us all. He alone is sufficient. His grace is sufficient too. Until next time then, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)
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