Hi everyone! I'm still here but life's been hectic and finding time to write has been hard. Lord willing I plan to work on (and hopefully finish!) the next post about Biblical femininity vs. false femininity in the next few days, but just now I want to encourage you about having spiritual goals.
In 2 Timothy 2:22 Paul exhorts, "Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." Sometimes it's possible, dear sisters, for us to be solely focused on the first part of that verse - fleeing "youthful lusts." We concentrate our spiritual efforts on putting off our old man - that is, our old nature - as we are instructed to in Ephesians 4:22, while forgetting that we must also "put on" the new man in its place. We get caught up in the "do's and don'ts" of the Christian life and feel we have so many things to overcome. Our energy is spent beating down our sin nature and fighting the devil so that we have nothing left with which to actually grow!
Let me begin by saying that victory over sin, albeit challenging at times, begins in the mind. It starts with the simple determination to believe what the Scripture says about you: "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." You are a new creation, beloved! Not "will be... someday;" no, you are a new creation right now! God made it so when you entered into Christ. In other words, your old nature is dead so you don't have to waste your time and energy on "crucifying" it over and over again. It's a done deal. Listen to Paul's words in Galatians 2:20, "I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." So you see - you no longer need to "obey" your old self; you are now free to obey the Son of God and let His life shine through you.
Before we move on, though, here's yet one more verse that speaks of the present reality of who you are: "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (2 Corinthians 5:21) Today I'm asking you therefore - begin with the starting point of confidence in who you are in Christ. Then, and only then, will you be able to focus on moving forward in your faith.
Secondly, don't try to do anything - at least not in your own strength; unless you want to fail miserably. No, instead you and I must go daily to the Lord and ask Him to fill us with the strength and wisdom that He provides:
"Give us this day our daily bread." Matthew 6:11
"And he said unto me, 'My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.' " 2 Corinthians 12:9
"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him." James 1:5
"Whoever speaks, is to do so as one who is speaking the utterances of God; whoever serves is to do so as one who is serving by the strength which God supplies; so that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belongs the glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:11
Now, when you've grasped this and begun to truly empty yourself of yourself so that God can fill you, you'll be ready to pursue spiritual goals. With this in mind, the Bible gives us many "lists" of things we should focus on becoming. As Christian women most of us are familiar with Proverbs 31, Titus 2 and 1 Peter 3. Then, of course, there is probably the most well-known and widely written-about passage on spiritual growth - Galatians 5, which describes for us the fruit of the Spirit. However, as great as those passages are (and they certainly are) - I think in 2 Timothy 2:22 we have a wonderful, short list of things that Paul actually encouraged Timothy to pursue. So let's look at that list again, "...Pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace."
Now, this is where I'm going to encourage you to do your own study. Many wonderful resources are available online to help you discover truths about what each of the things mentioned in 2 Timothy 2:22 really are. Personally I love the website Biblos.com. On there you'll find various translations of the Bible; commentaries; a Bible atlas, concordance, dictionary, encyclopedia, and thesaurus - as well as gazillions of other great stuff! If you browse around on it I think you'll find it absolutely rich with tools to enhance your study of Scripture.
So then, when you have a pretty good understanding of each of the virtues Paul lists, write your insights in a journal of some sort and prayerfully consider which one God wants you to work on. Ask Him to give you specific things to do. For example, you might end up noting something like this: "This week I'm going to make a point of waving and smiling to my unlovable and difficult neighbor whenever I see him outside." And here's a journal entry that I actually wrote on May 10 - about a month ago - that was a particular challenge to me that day: "This morning I felt reminded of John 12:24,'...Unless a grain of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies it bears much fruit.' Will I die today?"
Friend, please remember that these are goals and therefore must be pursued intentionally. Make a game plan for each day. Write it down. Then again pray for strength, wisdom, and insight. The next morning reflect on your progress and the previous day's events. This is very important! It will alternately encourage and chastise you along the way. And finally, consider confiding in a godly friend to hold you accountable to your goals. If you should fail one day (or two!), ask God to forgive you - then get back up and go forth in His strength! The bottom line that I want to encourage you with is to actually have spiritual goals that you are intentionally pursuing. Don't be lulled into thinking that spiritual growth just happens. Generally speaking, it doesn't. Usually if we're not careful - that is, if we're not taking a daily "spiritual inventory" of where we're at - it's all too easy to fall into complacency and a dead, static Christian walk. And I don't want that to happen to any of us dear sisters!
If you have any comments I'd love to hear them! Go in peace this week my friends!
Showing posts with label Bible study. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bible study. Show all posts
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Scripture Prayer for Marriages in Trouble or Recovery
"He sent His word and healed them,
And delivered them from their destructions." Psalm 107:20
As promised, in this post I'll share my (ever-growing) list of Scriptures that I have prayed, or continue to pray, for my marriage, my husband, and/or myself as wife and mother. I say continue to pray because, until the day the Lord calls me home, I have determined that I will never "relax" or stop praying earnestly because the Bible tells us that we are to "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) I can think of no better way to "be on the alert" than in prayer. (Mark 13:33; Luke 21:36; Col. 4:2) Because the list is extensive, I'm not going to group each one for you, but rather will tell you that each Scripture verse or passage falls into one or more of the following categories:
- Marriage/ Husband and Wife Relationship
- Adulterer's/ Abandoning Spouse's Repentance, Spiritual Growth, Deliverance, Identity in Christ, Knowing & Understanding the Truth, and Protection
- Yourself (as Wife)
- Children
As you look them up you can decide:
1) If the reference is relevant to your situation
2) If it is, for whom or for what particular situation you will pray it
Many of the verses or passages were ones that were particular to the time of my husband's affair, or during the early days of our marriage reconciliation. These I no longer pray for my own marriage, but I pray them as I become aware of other marriages facing the heartache of infidelity. The Bible tells us that as Christians we have a duty to bear the burdens of others and lift their struggles before the Throne of Grace. (Gal. 6:2)
Another thing I will tell you. Many of the verses have a similar theme and often I will pray them together. Sort of like cross-reference praying! Let me share an example with you, while at the same time demonstrate how to use Scripture to form a prayer. My husband, throughout his Christian walk, has often struggled with really believing that God loves him and is pleased with him. So when I pray that he might better understand God's love, I say: "Lord, I ask that You would pour out Your love within Aaron's heart. I pray that he would come to know and believe the love which You have for him and that, by this, love would be perfected in him. Please let perfect love cast out all fear." (Romans 5:5; 1 John 4:16-18;) "Deliver him now from a spirit of fear - and instead fill him with power, love, and a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7) "And Father, finally I ask You to direct his heart into the love of God and the steadfastness of Christ." (2 Thessalonians 3:5)
Perhaps, if you've been here awhile, you'll also recall that along with the struggle to understand God's love, Aaron also grew up in a church that did not fully teach about God's grace. In the past he seemed to feel as if he somehow needed to do something to "maintain" his salvation. He was never able to simply rest in the Lord, and His finished work. (I wrote about this in a post entitled Understanding Grace and Our Identity in Christ.) To counter this, the Lord specifically gave me two verses which I still pray daily since understanding God's grace is something we must learn over a lifetime! The prayer goes something like this: "Lord, I pray that you would (continue to) cause Aaron to understand the grace of God in truth." (Col. 1:6) "Additionally, please allow his heart to be established with grace." (Hebrews 13:9)
The Full Armor of God
Lastly, before the list, I feel that I should mention one passage of Scripture specifically because of its absolute importance. I implore you to daily pray the full armor of God, as described in Ephesians 6, on both you and your spouse. I do not get up from my knees each morning until this is done. Charlyne Steinkamp, whom I've mentioned before as a wonderful inspiration to those who are "standing," says, "As faithful as Bob might be today to me and to our marriage, as well as to the Lord, I will continue to pray the armor of God on us and a hedge of protection around him in this area (adultery) until the Lord calls one of us home."
One of the neatest things you can do with this is when you go through each piece of the armor - for example, loins girded with truth - is to incorporate other verses that speak of truth, like John 8:32 or John 17:17, into your prayer. Doing this will help you to cover each area mentioned in Ephesians 6, while truly helping you to develop your own "cross-reference system." I believe your hunger for the Word will increase as you're challenged to find more and more verses related to each piece of armor.
Prayer Scriptures
All that said, here's my list of Scripture verses and passages. Although some of them will be in the form of a prayer, such as some of Paul's prayers recorded for us in the epistles, please remember that most will not, and therefore you may need to "reword" them a bit. May I emphasize that praying through the Scriptures is a means by which we may come to be in union with the heart of God; it should not, however, become an empty religious exercise of merely reciting the Bible.
2 Chronicles 20:12,15-17
Nehemiah 1:5-9
Job 33:14-18
Psalm1; Psalm 15; Psalm 19:7-14; Psalm 25; Psalm 34:8-14,19; Psalm 35; Psalm 37:7-15; Psalm 40:1-3,8; Psalm 43:3; Psalm 46:1-3,10; Psalm 51; Psalm 57; Psalm 63; Psalm 71; Psalm 86:11-13; Psalm 92:12-15; Psalm 107:20; Psalm 119:11,105,133; Psalm 126; Psalm 127a; Psalm 143 (really there's many more from the Psalms so I would suggest that you peruse them and write down ones that express your own heart towards God)
Proverbs 2:10-17; 3:1-13; 31:10-31
Isaiah 40:31; 46:10b; 52:1; 57:15-19; 59:19; 61:3
Jeremiah 24:6-7; 32:17
Ezekiel 22:30; 36:25-27; 37:23
Hosea 14:4-6
Micah 6:8
Malachi 4:6
Matthew 6:33
Luke 2:79
John 1:12; 8:32; 12:24; 15:1-17; 17:17
Acts 26:18 (an excellent prayer if you're not sure about your husband's salvation)
Romans 5:5; 6:11-14; 8:15; 12:1-2,9-21; 15:5-7,13 (Verse 13 is a perfect prayer for someone who struggles with assurance of their salvation)
1 Corinthians 2:16; 13:4-7
2 Corinthians 3:14-18; 4:6; 5:7,17; 7:1,10
Galatians 4:5-7
Ephesians 1:2-3; 1:17-19; 3:16-20; 4:22-27,32; 5:33; **6:10-17
Philippians 1:6; 2:2-5,12-13; 4:6-8
Colossians 1:5-6,9-14,23; 2:2-15
1 Thessalonians 1:5; 3:12; 5:23
2 Thessalonians 1:3,11-12; 3:4-5
1 Timothy 2:4; 6:11-12
2 Timothy 1:7; 2:22,25-26
Hebrews 4:15-16; 10:19-25; 13:9,20-21
James 4:7; 5:16,19-20
1 Peter 3:1-6; 4:8,11
2 Peter 1:3-9
1 John 1:9; 4:16-17
Now, while this list is quite long, please know that I don't pray every single one of these passages each day. Some I no longer pray because they're no longer relevant. Some passages are similar, so I pray one or the other. Others express a need that is not urgent today and so I skip that. I really do pray what's on my heart each morning - and throughout the day - and so I don't get hung up on praying through a list. These Scriptures just happen to be the "backbone" of my prayers and enable me to better convey my requests as I seek the face of God.
As much as I'd like to continue, I have to tell you that right now I feel like I should publish this post today, and save my answered prayers for the next one! It just seems like that should be its own post.
Friend, please know that I pray for all the readers here. I pray that this week the Lord will fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
If you are visiting today because your spouse is having or has had an affair, please click on this link to take you to the first article I wrote on 8/27/10 about my own experiences entitled, What I've Learned Through My Husband's Affair. From there to the present are many more helpful posts for those going through the trial of adultery that include such topics as: forgiveness (6 posts); regaining trust; prayer; and others. You may wish to use the Blog Archive in the sidebar to navigate forward from the above post through the articles that seem relevant to you.
I also am available to talk privately with anyone who needs that as well. I have counseled a number of women and would love to visit with you! You may reach me by email at titus2homemaker@gmail.com. I'm glad you stopped by!
2 Chronicles 20:12,15-17
Nehemiah 1:5-9
Job 33:14-18
Psalm1; Psalm 15; Psalm 19:7-14; Psalm 25; Psalm 34:8-14,19; Psalm 35; Psalm 37:7-15; Psalm 40:1-3,8; Psalm 43:3; Psalm 46:1-3,10; Psalm 51; Psalm 57; Psalm 63; Psalm 71; Psalm 86:11-13; Psalm 92:12-15; Psalm 107:20; Psalm 119:11,105,133; Psalm 126; Psalm 127a; Psalm 143 (really there's many more from the Psalms so I would suggest that you peruse them and write down ones that express your own heart towards God)
Proverbs 2:10-17; 3:1-13; 31:10-31
Isaiah 40:31; 46:10b; 52:1; 57:15-19; 59:19; 61:3
Jeremiah 24:6-7; 32:17
Ezekiel 22:30; 36:25-27; 37:23
Hosea 14:4-6
Micah 6:8
Malachi 4:6
Matthew 6:33
Luke 2:79
John 1:12; 8:32; 12:24; 15:1-17; 17:17
Acts 26:18 (an excellent prayer if you're not sure about your husband's salvation)
Romans 5:5; 6:11-14; 8:15; 12:1-2,9-21; 15:5-7,13 (Verse 13 is a perfect prayer for someone who struggles with assurance of their salvation)
1 Corinthians 2:16; 13:4-7
2 Corinthians 3:14-18; 4:6; 5:7,17; 7:1,10
Galatians 4:5-7
Ephesians 1:2-3; 1:17-19; 3:16-20; 4:22-27,32; 5:33; **6:10-17
Philippians 1:6; 2:2-5,12-13; 4:6-8
Colossians 1:5-6,9-14,23; 2:2-15
1 Thessalonians 1:5; 3:12; 5:23
2 Thessalonians 1:3,11-12; 3:4-5
1 Timothy 2:4; 6:11-12
2 Timothy 1:7; 2:22,25-26
Hebrews 4:15-16; 10:19-25; 13:9,20-21
James 4:7; 5:16,19-20
1 Peter 3:1-6; 4:8,11
2 Peter 1:3-9
1 John 1:9; 4:16-17
Now, while this list is quite long, please know that I don't pray every single one of these passages each day. Some I no longer pray because they're no longer relevant. Some passages are similar, so I pray one or the other. Others express a need that is not urgent today and so I skip that. I really do pray what's on my heart each morning - and throughout the day - and so I don't get hung up on praying through a list. These Scriptures just happen to be the "backbone" of my prayers and enable me to better convey my requests as I seek the face of God.
As much as I'd like to continue, I have to tell you that right now I feel like I should publish this post today, and save my answered prayers for the next one! It just seems like that should be its own post.
Friend, please know that I pray for all the readers here. I pray that this week the Lord will fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.
If you are visiting today because your spouse is having or has had an affair, please click on this link to take you to the first article I wrote on 8/27/10 about my own experiences entitled, What I've Learned Through My Husband's Affair. From there to the present are many more helpful posts for those going through the trial of adultery that include such topics as: forgiveness (6 posts); regaining trust; prayer; and others. You may wish to use the Blog Archive in the sidebar to navigate forward from the above post through the articles that seem relevant to you.
I also am available to talk privately with anyone who needs that as well. I have counseled a number of women and would love to visit with you! You may reach me by email at titus2homemaker@gmail.com. I'm glad you stopped by!
Friday, July 2, 2010
My Abortion Story, Part 3 - Set Free
Allow me to start this last section of my story by telling you that there truly is hope for every woman out there who has had an abortion. It doesn't matter who you are or where you've been. Jesus Christ is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, and He will set anyone free who wants it! He said in John 8:32 (the first verse I memorized after becoming a Christian), "...You will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." So before you get to my story below, check out this video by my favorite Christian band, Casting Crowns. The song is called "Every Man" and recently I noticed the wonderful lyrics that relate to post-abortive women. It says, "I am the woman shamed and haunted by the cry of unborn life," no doubt referring to a woman who's aching with regret over her decision to abort; but at the end of the song it has the life-giving, encouraging words, "There is hope for every man, A solid place where we can stand, In this dry and weary land, There is hope for every man. There is love that never dies, There is peace in troubled times, Will we help them understand, Jesus is hope for every man."
Fast forward seven years. It was 1994. I was now married and my first child was just over a year old. The little town where we lived was having its annual festival and I was excited to put him in his stroller, walk around and take in the events.
During the course of the day I ran into many people I knew. Glancing up at one point I saw a lady I was acquainted with because I had designed the brochure for the crisis pregnancy center where she was director. With a warm smile she came over to say "hi." While we chatted, she began telling me that the Lord had something new for her and she was resigning her position at the center.
At first, I didn't think too much of it. Then I got that strange, tingly feeling. Soon I had the distinct impression that this meeting was a "God thing." She was telling me that they needed to find a new director. I was dumbfounded. I wondered why it felt like God was nudging me! I wasn't looking for a job. I was a stay-at-home mom. Besides, I didn't qualify to be the director of anything. I was wrestling through all this inwardly while she was talking. And then the question came to my mind - unbidden - What's today's date?
"Oh NO!" My thoughts tumbled around in my head as I tried to be sure. It was May 16. "Oh yes, child, it's that date," the gentle Voice said. The anniversary date of my abortion. The lady, Barb, unaware of the conflict raging inside my head, suddenly asked, "Do you think you'd be interested? I think you would do a great job." Looking at me intently, she waited for my response. "Um yes, I think I would be interested," I heard myself say. Unable to shake the feeling that this was a divine appointment, I agreed to fill out an application and submit my resume.
Two months later, as the new Executive Director of our local crisis pregnancy center, Barb was working with me to train me in. Up until that point, other than the people directly involved in my abortion, my husband was the only one who knew about it. However, now Barb and the Board members of the center also knew. Well, what was I supposed to do? Lie? It had been a question on the application. "Have you ever had an abortion or advised someone else to have one?" YES on both accounts! Hopefully they won't hold that against me I had thought. After all, that was before I was a Christian. On this particular afternoon though it was on Barb's mind and she asked me a pointed question: "Have you gotten healing for your abortion?"
So I told her the truth. That I had specifically repented of it when I got saved, but beyond that I hadn't given it much thought. And that was the truth - I really hadn't given it much thought because I didn't want to think about it. It was too painful. Much too painful.
Walking into the second room of our offices, she pulled a book off the shelf, handed it to me and asked if I would be willing to let her go through it with me. It was called, "Forgiven and Set Free" by Linda Cochrane, a Bible study written by a woman who knew first-hand what it was to have an abortion. I stared at the book in my hands. God was there with me in that moment. He was stirring me to new possibilities, new hope. And just like that, it was the beginning of my healing and restoration.
Over the next months we worked faithfully together on the book. I discovered more about God than I had ever known. I grew to love Him with a greater fervency and, more importantly, to understand His indescribable love for me in new and profound ways. Once again, I longed for God and His Word in ways that I hadn't since I was first saved.
The second thing that happened, however,was that I began to understand that what I had been going though was grief - and that grief is a process. It's a unique journey for everyone. You and I can both be post-abortive, but the way that experience will manifest itself in our lives can be totally different. I believe that much of that has to do with the individual things (past sins/idols of our hearts) that God desires to clean up in us in order to move us to freedom. For me, all the ways my abortion had affected me and colored my thinking was a slow process of discovery. Like a creature with many tentacles, it had reached its ugliness into nearly every area of my life. It took time to untangle all that. Those were the places where only God's illuminating light could reach and, eventually, redeem.
If you're reading this and are post-abortive, let me just stop and say right here - He CAN and He WILL do this for you too! He delights to do this for you. Believe what the Scripture says. In Isaiah 61, verse 1 it says of the Lord's Servant (Christ Jesus Himself), "He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, and freedom to prisoners." So are you broken-hearted today? He will bind up and heal your broken heart. He will do it for you, just as He did for me, because it glorifies Him to bring to pass in your life the very things these verses in Isaiah say He came to do.
However, maybe you don't think so - you don't feel you're broken-hearted. Is it possible you're in denial about it and instead are the prisoner He came to proclaim liberty to? Trust me - I know how it is to be a Christian and say that everything's okay. To actually think that it's unspiritual to say we need anything beyond our salvation in regard to our abortion. Or how about this one - to say that we've become caught up in psychology (psychobabble?) if we want healing? Yes, I know - and agree! - there is a lot of psychology mumble-jumble that has crept into the church today. I completely renounce that.
God's healing, however, is not psychology. It's knowing and being able to apply His Word to our life, to the deep places of our heart. If we are to adhere to Paul's instructions in Ephesians 6:1 of being "strong in the Lord and the strength of His might," how do we do it but by really knowing His Word? The last piece of armor spoken of in this passage is the "Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God." While all of the armor is important to stand firm against the schemes of the devil (verse 11), it's the Word in particular that we use as a weapon. By being filled with the Word we will know the truth and be able to defend ourselves against lies. If you've had an abortion, Satan will use every tactic in his book to defeat you by reminding you of that fact. He will heap guilt and shame on you. He will tell you that you're not as good as other Christians - etc., etc.
So what do you say - is it possible you need healing? For example, do you tell yourself over and over to forget about your abortion? Do you experience physical or uncomfortable feelings when abortion is mentioned in public? Do you find yourself avoiding books, magazines, or TV programs that deal with the subject of abortion? While these are just a few, they're good questions that can help you get started in thinking about your own experience and need.
Anyway, once I began to sense myself really moving forward I also sensed God doing something else. It was time to tell my story publicly. You see, for some time I had been sharing the ministry of the center at various churches, but never really sharing anything personal. Now I knew the time had come - and I was a nervous wreck! What would people think of me? What if they rejected me? Judged me? Disliked me? Oh, how fear gripped me! I thank the Lord though that He told me to get up - to stop being beaten down with false shame. He had delivered me from shame and guilt because His work on the cross was complete. Did I doubt that? Finally, He reminded me He had called me to this. I memorized 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
With a little trepidation I stepped up to the podium the first time to share the story of my abortion. It was a National Day of Prayer event and I had been invited to speak. I knew the time was right and as I told my experience I found I grew increasingly at ease with it. I had the peace of God. I also had the attention of the audience; all but one that is. She got up in the middle of my speech, stomped down the aisle, and slammed the door on the way out. Ouch! I don't know what her problem was but I remember thinking that she was probably post-abortive too!
There was still One More Thing that I needed to do to be completely healed but it came about four years later. The Board at the center where I worked had just decided that we needed to add a post-abortion ministry. There was a training seminar out west that spring and they thought I should go. I agreed but wanted a board member to go with me. They chose to grant my request and unanimously decided that our president, Caroline, should be the one. She smiled and said she would like that. The only problem was that she was having her own battle inside that none of us were aware of.
A short time later, probably within a week, she told me privately that she was also post-abortive; she had had two abortions during her college years. Wow, was I surprised! Her? She looked like a mature Christian woman who had it all together! Only then did I begin to realize that there is no "stereotypical" post-abortive woman. They come from all walks of life. Her problem though? After nearly twenty years of marriage her husband had no idea his wife had had any abortions! Do you see the secretiveness of it? The insidious way Satan uses it to keep us from true intimacy and transparency?
She knew she couldn't go until she had told him. Together we agreed to pray about it. Then one day the opportunity opened and she confessed what was long hidden away. It was absolutely wonderful! The grace he extended to her and the way he received it were a beginning to her healing. After she told him he replied, "I always felt like there was something between us, but now I know I have all of you."
Remember I said there was One More Thing? At the time I didn't know I needed it, but it came as Caroline and I went to the conference. We went through all the sessions, which were informative and exciting, and then came the final day. A memorial service. All week I had felt the Lord pressing on me. Besides being informative, the conference was also very emotional for most of us in that room. There were Kleenex boxes on each table for the attendees. For the first time, during that week, I had the distinct impression that the child I had aborted was a girl. God gave me a name - her name. Sylvana. I had never heard that name before, but I knew it belonged to my child, who was safe in the arms of Jesus. At the very end of the memorial service was a "Gathering of the Roses." Each person who so desired went silently forward to pick up a rose in memory of a child or children who had been aborted.
That was it. I needed closure and I got it that beautiful day. You should have seen Caroline and I guard those roses like mother hens on the flight home! We must have looked awfully funny to the other passengers.
Since that time she and I both have worked with a number of post-abortive women, going through that same Bible study I did sixteen years ago. It's been both a wonder and a privilege. We've seen so many miracles and incredible things that God has done.
So, what about you? What can you do if you've had an abortion and are hurting? The following things are some practical steps you may want to take right now:
1. Recognize and believe that God wants to heal you. Seek God in prayer; cry out to Him and don't be afraid. He already knows what's in your heart so there's no use hiding or holding back from Him. Then use a topical Bible - Nave's Complete Word Study Topical Bible
is a great one - to do a study on God's healing. I don't believe it's always his plan to physically heal us, but I believe His Word is clear on spiritual healing. It's an aspect of His divine power granting to us all things pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), of being in Christ, and being a new creature (2 Cor. 5:17). Additionally, the concepts of restoration and redemption are great keys to further your understanding.
2. Consider confiding in someone you trust. I know this is really hard. Pray about it though. If you do decide to tell someone and you're a Christian, this should be a sister in the Lord. If you're married, please ask the Lord how and when to go about telling your spouse. You definitely want to show respect to your husband and not just "dump on him." Proceed carefully and only with wisdom from the Lord.
The person you do confide in should be committed to praying for you. This is the reason for your confiding in them. This can be tremendously encouraging - don't underestimate the power of prayer!
3. Find a post-abortion ministry in your area. Ramah International is a Biblically sound ministry with a list of local ministries across the U.S. and internationally. Their website is: http://ramahinternational.org/. Sydna Masse, president and founder of Ramah, has a book entitled, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion
, which is also an excellent resource.
4. If you can't join a group, you can go through a Bible study with a friend. This is just what I did with Barb. While there's a lot of benefit in getting together with other post-abortive women so that you can relate and share experiences, having one person who cares and is willing to invest the time with you can be wonderful as well.
5. Read Christian novels that contain realistic and encouraging themes related to abortion. Two that I highly recommend are: "Tilly" by Frank Peretti and The Atonement Child
by Francine Rivers. Both use discretion and are tastefully done. Also, in addition to novels, there are many books that are the testimonies of women who have healed from abortion. These can be wonderfully uplifting as they describe God's faithfulness in others' lives.
I've listed just a few small steps you can take to get started. In future posts here I will hit on key issues of grieving and the post-abortive woman. As always, please feel free to contact me privately if you need someone to talk to. Email me at titus2homemaker@gmail.com.
"What a wonderful God we have - He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the One who so wonderfully comforts us and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us." 2 Cor. 1:3-4 TLB
Fast forward seven years. It was 1994. I was now married and my first child was just over a year old. The little town where we lived was having its annual festival and I was excited to put him in his stroller, walk around and take in the events.
During the course of the day I ran into many people I knew. Glancing up at one point I saw a lady I was acquainted with because I had designed the brochure for the crisis pregnancy center where she was director. With a warm smile she came over to say "hi." While we chatted, she began telling me that the Lord had something new for her and she was resigning her position at the center.
At first, I didn't think too much of it. Then I got that strange, tingly feeling. Soon I had the distinct impression that this meeting was a "God thing." She was telling me that they needed to find a new director. I was dumbfounded. I wondered why it felt like God was nudging me! I wasn't looking for a job. I was a stay-at-home mom. Besides, I didn't qualify to be the director of anything. I was wrestling through all this inwardly while she was talking. And then the question came to my mind - unbidden - What's today's date?
"Oh NO!" My thoughts tumbled around in my head as I tried to be sure. It was May 16. "Oh yes, child, it's that date," the gentle Voice said. The anniversary date of my abortion. The lady, Barb, unaware of the conflict raging inside my head, suddenly asked, "Do you think you'd be interested? I think you would do a great job." Looking at me intently, she waited for my response. "Um yes, I think I would be interested," I heard myself say. Unable to shake the feeling that this was a divine appointment, I agreed to fill out an application and submit my resume.
Two months later, as the new Executive Director of our local crisis pregnancy center, Barb was working with me to train me in. Up until that point, other than the people directly involved in my abortion, my husband was the only one who knew about it. However, now Barb and the Board members of the center also knew. Well, what was I supposed to do? Lie? It had been a question on the application. "Have you ever had an abortion or advised someone else to have one?" YES on both accounts! Hopefully they won't hold that against me I had thought. After all, that was before I was a Christian. On this particular afternoon though it was on Barb's mind and she asked me a pointed question: "Have you gotten healing for your abortion?"
So I told her the truth. That I had specifically repented of it when I got saved, but beyond that I hadn't given it much thought. And that was the truth - I really hadn't given it much thought because I didn't want to think about it. It was too painful. Much too painful.
Walking into the second room of our offices, she pulled a book off the shelf, handed it to me and asked if I would be willing to let her go through it with me. It was called, "Forgiven and Set Free" by Linda Cochrane, a Bible study written by a woman who knew first-hand what it was to have an abortion. I stared at the book in my hands. God was there with me in that moment. He was stirring me to new possibilities, new hope. And just like that, it was the beginning of my healing and restoration.
Over the next months we worked faithfully together on the book. I discovered more about God than I had ever known. I grew to love Him with a greater fervency and, more importantly, to understand His indescribable love for me in new and profound ways. Once again, I longed for God and His Word in ways that I hadn't since I was first saved.
The second thing that happened, however,was that I began to understand that what I had been going though was grief - and that grief is a process. It's a unique journey for everyone. You and I can both be post-abortive, but the way that experience will manifest itself in our lives can be totally different. I believe that much of that has to do with the individual things (past sins/idols of our hearts) that God desires to clean up in us in order to move us to freedom. For me, all the ways my abortion had affected me and colored my thinking was a slow process of discovery. Like a creature with many tentacles, it had reached its ugliness into nearly every area of my life. It took time to untangle all that. Those were the places where only God's illuminating light could reach and, eventually, redeem.
If you're reading this and are post-abortive, let me just stop and say right here - He CAN and He WILL do this for you too! He delights to do this for you. Believe what the Scripture says. In Isaiah 61, verse 1 it says of the Lord's Servant (Christ Jesus Himself), "He has sent me to bind up the broken-hearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, and freedom to prisoners." So are you broken-hearted today? He will bind up and heal your broken heart. He will do it for you, just as He did for me, because it glorifies Him to bring to pass in your life the very things these verses in Isaiah say He came to do.
However, maybe you don't think so - you don't feel you're broken-hearted. Is it possible you're in denial about it and instead are the prisoner He came to proclaim liberty to? Trust me - I know how it is to be a Christian and say that everything's okay. To actually think that it's unspiritual to say we need anything beyond our salvation in regard to our abortion. Or how about this one - to say that we've become caught up in psychology (psychobabble?) if we want healing? Yes, I know - and agree! - there is a lot of psychology mumble-jumble that has crept into the church today. I completely renounce that.
God's healing, however, is not psychology. It's knowing and being able to apply His Word to our life, to the deep places of our heart. If we are to adhere to Paul's instructions in Ephesians 6:1 of being "strong in the Lord and the strength of His might," how do we do it but by really knowing His Word? The last piece of armor spoken of in this passage is the "Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God." While all of the armor is important to stand firm against the schemes of the devil (verse 11), it's the Word in particular that we use as a weapon. By being filled with the Word we will know the truth and be able to defend ourselves against lies. If you've had an abortion, Satan will use every tactic in his book to defeat you by reminding you of that fact. He will heap guilt and shame on you. He will tell you that you're not as good as other Christians - etc., etc.
So what do you say - is it possible you need healing? For example, do you tell yourself over and over to forget about your abortion? Do you experience physical or uncomfortable feelings when abortion is mentioned in public? Do you find yourself avoiding books, magazines, or TV programs that deal with the subject of abortion? While these are just a few, they're good questions that can help you get started in thinking about your own experience and need.
Anyway, once I began to sense myself really moving forward I also sensed God doing something else. It was time to tell my story publicly. You see, for some time I had been sharing the ministry of the center at various churches, but never really sharing anything personal. Now I knew the time had come - and I was a nervous wreck! What would people think of me? What if they rejected me? Judged me? Disliked me? Oh, how fear gripped me! I thank the Lord though that He told me to get up - to stop being beaten down with false shame. He had delivered me from shame and guilt because His work on the cross was complete. Did I doubt that? Finally, He reminded me He had called me to this. I memorized 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
With a little trepidation I stepped up to the podium the first time to share the story of my abortion. It was a National Day of Prayer event and I had been invited to speak. I knew the time was right and as I told my experience I found I grew increasingly at ease with it. I had the peace of God. I also had the attention of the audience; all but one that is. She got up in the middle of my speech, stomped down the aisle, and slammed the door on the way out. Ouch! I don't know what her problem was but I remember thinking that she was probably post-abortive too!
There was still One More Thing that I needed to do to be completely healed but it came about four years later. The Board at the center where I worked had just decided that we needed to add a post-abortion ministry. There was a training seminar out west that spring and they thought I should go. I agreed but wanted a board member to go with me. They chose to grant my request and unanimously decided that our president, Caroline, should be the one. She smiled and said she would like that. The only problem was that she was having her own battle inside that none of us were aware of.
A short time later, probably within a week, she told me privately that she was also post-abortive; she had had two abortions during her college years. Wow, was I surprised! Her? She looked like a mature Christian woman who had it all together! Only then did I begin to realize that there is no "stereotypical" post-abortive woman. They come from all walks of life. Her problem though? After nearly twenty years of marriage her husband had no idea his wife had had any abortions! Do you see the secretiveness of it? The insidious way Satan uses it to keep us from true intimacy and transparency?
She knew she couldn't go until she had told him. Together we agreed to pray about it. Then one day the opportunity opened and she confessed what was long hidden away. It was absolutely wonderful! The grace he extended to her and the way he received it were a beginning to her healing. After she told him he replied, "I always felt like there was something between us, but now I know I have all of you."
Remember I said there was One More Thing? At the time I didn't know I needed it, but it came as Caroline and I went to the conference. We went through all the sessions, which were informative and exciting, and then came the final day. A memorial service. All week I had felt the Lord pressing on me. Besides being informative, the conference was also very emotional for most of us in that room. There were Kleenex boxes on each table for the attendees. For the first time, during that week, I had the distinct impression that the child I had aborted was a girl. God gave me a name - her name. Sylvana. I had never heard that name before, but I knew it belonged to my child, who was safe in the arms of Jesus. At the very end of the memorial service was a "Gathering of the Roses." Each person who so desired went silently forward to pick up a rose in memory of a child or children who had been aborted.
That was it. I needed closure and I got it that beautiful day. You should have seen Caroline and I guard those roses like mother hens on the flight home! We must have looked awfully funny to the other passengers.
Since that time she and I both have worked with a number of post-abortive women, going through that same Bible study I did sixteen years ago. It's been both a wonder and a privilege. We've seen so many miracles and incredible things that God has done.
So, what about you? What can you do if you've had an abortion and are hurting? The following things are some practical steps you may want to take right now:
1. Recognize and believe that God wants to heal you. Seek God in prayer; cry out to Him and don't be afraid. He already knows what's in your heart so there's no use hiding or holding back from Him. Then use a topical Bible - Nave's Complete Word Study Topical Bible
is a great one - to do a study on God's healing. I don't believe it's always his plan to physically heal us, but I believe His Word is clear on spiritual healing. It's an aspect of His divine power granting to us all things pertaining to life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), of being in Christ, and being a new creature (2 Cor. 5:17). Additionally, the concepts of restoration and redemption are great keys to further your understanding.2. Consider confiding in someone you trust. I know this is really hard. Pray about it though. If you do decide to tell someone and you're a Christian, this should be a sister in the Lord. If you're married, please ask the Lord how and when to go about telling your spouse. You definitely want to show respect to your husband and not just "dump on him." Proceed carefully and only with wisdom from the Lord.
The person you do confide in should be committed to praying for you. This is the reason for your confiding in them. This can be tremendously encouraging - don't underestimate the power of prayer!
3. Find a post-abortion ministry in your area. Ramah International is a Biblically sound ministry with a list of local ministries across the U.S. and internationally. Their website is: http://ramahinternational.org/. Sydna Masse, president and founder of Ramah, has a book entitled, Her Choice to Heal: Finding Spiritual and Emotional Peace After Abortion
, which is also an excellent resource.4. If you can't join a group, you can go through a Bible study with a friend. This is just what I did with Barb. While there's a lot of benefit in getting together with other post-abortive women so that you can relate and share experiences, having one person who cares and is willing to invest the time with you can be wonderful as well.
5. Read Christian novels that contain realistic and encouraging themes related to abortion. Two that I highly recommend are: "Tilly" by Frank Peretti and The Atonement Child
by Francine Rivers. Both use discretion and are tastefully done. Also, in addition to novels, there are many books that are the testimonies of women who have healed from abortion. These can be wonderfully uplifting as they describe God's faithfulness in others' lives.I've listed just a few small steps you can take to get started. In future posts here I will hit on key issues of grieving and the post-abortive woman. As always, please feel free to contact me privately if you need someone to talk to. Email me at titus2homemaker@gmail.com.
"What a wonderful God we have - He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the One who so wonderfully comforts us and strengthens us in our hardships and trials. And why does He do this? So that when others are troubled, needing our sympathy and encouragement, we can pass on to them this same help and comfort God has given us." 2 Cor. 1:3-4 TLB
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