More Answered Prayer for My Husband (And a Word on Prayer for Marriage Restoration)

"I will heal their apostasy,
         I will love them freely,
         For My anger has turned away from them.

 I will be like the dew to Israel;
         He will blossom like the lily,
         And he will take root like the cedars of Lebanon.

His shoots will sprout,
         And his beauty will be like the olive tree         
And his fragrance like the cedars of Lebanon.

Those who live in his shadow
         Will again raise grain,
         And they will blossom like the vine.
         His renown will be like the wine of Lebanon."

Hosea 14:4-7

I felt I needed to write a "postscript" to last night's post. Specifically I wanted to mention the blessing of praying Hosea 14:4-7 for your spouse as they begin to recover their spiritual "senses." (2 Timothy 2:26) In the text (above) we see that God foretold that He would heal the nation of Israel's backsliding. While I recognize that when God spoke these words He was giving a promise to Israel, I also believe that there is a spiritual principle here of the sanctifying work of God which is for all believers. So then, let's first note that this passage speaks of these things as God's work. They're not ours, we can't heal our spouse's past - only God can. Looking closer at the text I highlighted in pink, we see that He promised to do three things: Heal them, love them, and be "like the dew" to them.

Without getting too much into it, I can say that this passage perhaps more than any other, has been one of the most meaningful ones I've prayed for my husband's spiritual restoration. Hosea 14:4-7 is the essence of what God wants to do in the hearts of men. In Aaron's life, as I prayed that God would heal his "apostasy", this came to pass in many ways.

First, as I've already talked about, he was granted godly sorrow that led him to repentance. Next he renounced (or as the King James and NASB would say, "denied") his ungodliness by beginning to do what was right. (Daniel 4:27; Titus 2:12) This meant that in our case, since we were recovering from his emotional affair, he began to be accountable to me and our pastor. He willingly checked in by phone with me throughout the day and allowed me to ask a lot of questions - especially in the beginning. He also made himself available whenever I needed to talk, even if it was about the pain he had caused me. Finally, God healed his apostasy by enabling him to become "transformed by the renewing of his mind." (Romans 12:2) I stated this before, but his entire way of thinking changed and began to line up with God's Word.

As for God loving him, this has also become a reality for Aaron. For the first time in his life he is confident that God loves him. He knows that he is a beloved son because the Lord has poured out His love within his heart. (Romans 5:5) God has been faithful to honor His word in Hosea - His wonderful word which promises that He will love us freely - as it's been prayed by not only me, but others who care about my husband as well.

"I will be like the dew to (him)." Oh, how this has been answered! The Lord has truly become my husband's rock and his hiding place. When the storms of life, like a hectic job, have hit hard, Aaron has found refreshment in the Lord. Also, I think the fact that God has enlightened the eyes of his heart (Ephesians 1:18) by helping him to have greater understanding of His word, is an answer to this prayer as well. Everyday Aaron is strengthened and encouraged, and oftentimes convicted, as he spends time studying the Bible.

Now, these have been just a few glimpses of the things God has done in response to praying this passage in Hosea. It's been a highlight of my prayer life this last year and a half. As a side note let me say this - if you're recovering from a spouse's adultery, the entire book of Hosea may be a tremendous encouragement to you if you have not read it. If you have, you may wish to reread it. I think you will find many parallels there to what you've been through, and will come away from it with insight and wisdom.

One last thing! Lest you think that I forgot to include answered prayer for our marriage in my last post, I want you to know that I'll be including quite a bit about that in the near future. I'm very excited and looking forward to sharing all that's happened, and is happening, in greater detail. I'll be turning once again to Hosea 14 and sharing some things as they relate to that passage.

However, before I close now can I give one bit of advice? This is for those of you whose marriages are in recovery: Pray that God will restore and heal your marriage a hundred-fold. Then ask Him to make it better than it's ever been. I have probably prayed this prayer a thousand times and have seen such wondrous results from it. If you don't know where or how to begin praying for your marriage, then this is a good place to start. It's the kind of prayer that God honors; demonstrating both your trust and dependence on Him. And remember what I said before - God is always for marriage. Therefore, He will not only hear your prayer, He will most certainly answer it.

Go in peace this week!

What I've Learned Through My Husband's Affair

For the last several weeks I've had a draft which I started to write that deals with abortion, but each time I go to work on it I feel "nudged" to write about my husband's affair instead. I'm not sure why that is, but if it's God then I want to be obedient!

Anyway, I think what I really want to do is share some hope through these next few posts. I can hardly believe it's already been over fourteen months since that ugly morning I found out about the other woman in my husband's life. And yet, in a good and healthy way it seems an eternity ago too. I think that's because the marriage I have now is vastly different than the relationship I had with Aaron before his affair. Vastly better! I honestly believe that this can be the outcome of anyone - man or woman - who seeks the Lord earnestly and is willing to "stand in the gap" on behalf of their marriage.

Since I tend to get a little long-winded (sorry!), I want to share the things that I've learned in the face of adultery over several posts - each week focusing on one point. At any time during this series please feel free to contact me by private email if you're in this situation and need encouragement, titus2homemaker@gmail.com. While I had wonderful, godly friends who stood by me, whose help was immeasurable, at times I really felt like I needed to talk to someone who had been there. To a woman who could relate. Since none of my friends had experienced infidelity, it was hard for them to understand the depth of what I was going through. For that I relied on books and the Internet. Later on I will share some of those resources and ministries that helped me to keep going. Right now though, I want you to know that I'm praying for those of you facing this trial who might be feeling like you can't go on another day. If I can help, it would be my pleasure to be your "listening ear," as well as a partner in the battle for your marriage.

For me, the day I found out about my husband's "friend" was one of the most painful in my life. Like many people in that circumstance, I saw the warning signs but never thought infidelity would rock my world. After all, we were Christians! We believed in commitment and the permanence of marriage. Unfortunately, words just don't mean much. Adultery does happen in Christian marriages and at an increasingly alarming rate.

In our relationship, the months prior to Aaron's revelation were very lonely ones. We had really drifted apart and spent little time with each other. I was focused on the kids while my husband seemed to grow more and more selfish. He spent a great deal of time exercising and grooming. It got to the point where he skipped family meal times so that he could go running. He spent so much time in front of the mirror that I remember thinking he was worse than a teenage girl. I felt frustrated with the lack of interest he showed the children and me, but I had no idea what to do about it. Whenever I approached him to talk he always seemed so angry. Eventually I gave up trying because I felt worse after I did. Added to all this I was insecure because his sexual desire for me had completely died as well. To help myself I tried to reason that he was probably just stressed out and tired from work. Of course, most of all, I hoped that things would get better sooner or later.

However, the thing that was really shocking, and made me feel afraid, was when he began holding views and opinions that were totally contrary to Scripture. For the first time in our seventeen year marriage he was saying things like he was sick and tired of being good and "following rules." He expressed regret for not having sown wild oats as a young man and for keeping himself sexually pure! I was hurt and bewildered by these statements; I just couldn't understand it! I remembered back to a conversation he had had with our oldest child only months before where he had shared some great nuggets of spiritual wisdom. My mind screamed out, "Could this really be the same man?!?"

After learning the truth about his affair, my husband's irrational behavior brought to light my first vital discovery: God never changes. My husband may change, but God never will. Simple enough truth, but when I grasped it in its fullness it became a soul anchor for me. Because He remains the same, you and I can rely on His faithfulness. He will not, nor can He, let us down! Our Father is our refuge. If you are experiencing the heart-wrenching trial of marital unfaithfulness, I cannot emphasize enough the primary importance of an intimate relationship with God. 

You must seek Him now in ways you may never have before; spending more time in prayer (which I will expound on more in an upcoming post) and in the Word than at any time in your Christian walk. It will also mean a radical change of perspective if He has not truly been your all-in-all. This is especially true if you have inadvertently made your husband the center of your heart and affections. You do not "...live, and move, and have (your) being," (Acts 17:28) in your spouse - you do those things in Him! Please believe this. Don't lose sight of this truth!

"In Him (you) live." First, realize your living and your life consists of more than just your marriage. If you're in the throes of adultery all you may want to do is ruminate about your spouse's behavior; but let me encourage you to get your focus on Him first, and then on all the other blessings in your life. Secondly, let me ask you a question. Does it ever hurt so bad that you have a hard time getting out of bed in the morning? It certainly did for me. But look what it says in that verse - "In Him (you)...move." Did you catch that? You move in Him. You CAN get up and get moving because you are in Christ, if He's your Savior. (If you don't know Jesus then please go to the following link which will tell you how you can: http://www.godssimpleplan.org/gsps-english.html.) Assuming however that you are, consider finally that your entire being is "in Him." A great way to meditate on this is to begin a topical study of all the verses in the New Testament which speak of being "in Christ" or "in Him." You will be really blessed!

Now, going back to my original point - there are just a TON of Scriptures that illustrate that God never changes and that He is your refuge. I truly believe the most meaningful ones to you will be those God leads you to; however, let me share just a few that really comforted me:

Deut. 31:8 - "And the LORD, He it is that doth go before thee; He will be with thee, He will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed."

Deut. 33:27 - "The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms: and He shall thrust out the enemy from before you; and shall say, 'Destroy them.' "

Psalm 27 - The entire Psalm (God gave this to me on the morning I found out about the affair), but of special significance was:

Psalm 27:10 - "For my father and my mother (my husband) have (has) forsaken me, but the LORD will take me up."

Psalm 63:8 - "My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." (I would cry out this verse over and over whenever I felt overwhelmed.)

Isaiah 54:17 - " 'No weapon that is formed against you will prosper; And every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their vindication is from Me,' declares the LORD."

Romans 8:31 - "What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us?"

Colossians 3:3 - "For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God."

Next time we will dig into the second thing God showed me about Himself. It was the truth that literally saved my marriage! I can't wait to share that part of my story with you because His ways are SO AMAZING! He loves you and so do I.

My Abortion Story, Part 2 - Forgiven

Last time I shared the first part of my abortion story with you. It would be a sad tale if it ended there - just doomed to shame and silence for the rest of my life. It's true that the healing would eventually come, but in the meantime, like other women who've had abortions I learned how to "move on." Over the years, through working in ministry, I've had the privilege of knowing quite a few post-abortive women. I daresay that most of us became expert at faking our way through anything. We knew how to put on a mask; to pretend like everything was okay. During my years of silence I spent a great deal of energy suppressing thoughts about the abortion. Instead, I chose to focus on having fun. Having fun was the way I dealt with my internal conflict. However, as I said before, God had other plans for me and so my first small breakthrough occured when I became a Christian...

The summer after I graduated I was fortunate enough to get a great job as a graphic artist. For the first time I felt I had some true independence. I was making good money, had just bought my first car - a sporty little Mazda RX7 in fact - and, although I had gotten back together with John, I had noticed with increasing confidence that men at work found me attractive. These were "real men" in my mind. Men with good jobs and who were responsible. At this time I was living what I thought was the ideal modern woman lifestyle. A respectable job, a career really, lots of friends, parties, a my-way-or-the-highway attitude...in short - a feminist. As I began to realize that I could have my choice of men, I also began dressing and acting in a way that would get attention. At work, and now also at bars (having been introduced to all the places that allowed underage drinkers), I was flaunting myself. John and I were on again/off again because I was always "exploring my options," as I liked to think in those days.

Two years into this I thought about going back to school. I had been taking some classes at our local junior college, but now I felt restless. I liked school and was really into photography (back before digital!), and so I decided I would pursue a bachelors degree in photojournalism. Around the same time, I got a new boss at work who had just come from management at the Chicago Tribune. By pulling some strings, she told me she might be able to get me a job there. "Perfect," I thought, "I can work at the Tribune and attend Columbia College."

Just a couple weeks after the conversation with my boss, I was offered a position at the newspaper. Now I really was going to make good money. I even reasoned that when I got my degree perhaps I could stay on at the Trib and work for them as a photojournalist. Like frosting on the cake, my new studio apartment I planned to rent in the Hyde Park area of Chicago was really cute too. John and I had ended it for good months earlier, and so now I felt free to do whatever I wanted. Feeling positive about my future, I put in my two weeks notice.

Looking back, I know that the Lord was orchestrating events in my life even before I knew Him. This was one of those times. The two weeks were ticking down and I was growing uneasy. I arrived at work on my last day to discover that my co-workers had planned a going-away party. I was really touched. It also made what I had to do that much more difficult. But it had to be done - I needed to find out if I could still keep my job.

I waited until my boss had a free moment and asked her if we could talk. I don't recall everything about the conversation but I do remember that she was shocked and disappointed. She had put in a good word for me and now I wasn't following through. However, after giving it some serious thought, by day's end she said I could stay if that's what I wanted.

I did want to stay, but truthfully, I'm not sure I knew why I wanted to stay. In hindsight I believe that the Lord ordered my steps during this time so that His purposes would be fulfilled. I had started to casually date a Jehovah's Witness from a different department at work and, of course, he was always rattling on about that. I was getting annoyed by it. At the same time, in my own department, there were a couple of people that I knew were Christians; both were really serious about God. Where before I might have avoided them, now for some reason I felt drawn.

Over the next month or two I bombarded them both with questions about God and the Bible. Finally, the older lady, Laura, asked me if I had a Bible. When I told her I didn't she surprised me by bringing me a new Bible the next day. She instructed me to start by reading John. Embarrassed, I had to ask her what she meant. She told me it was one of the Gospels - blank stare - in the New Testament - a laugh and look of apology - finally, the truth dawned on her and she understood. I was completely Bible illiterate. With great patience she opened the Book and gently took hold of the ribbon, found the Gospel of John, and placed the bookmark there.

From that time on I read the Bible like someone starved. Every waking moment I was glued to its pages. The more I read the more I was convinced that the two people in my department had the answer, and the guy I was dating did not. Sometimes in the break room they would end up debating each other and I would listen intently, soaking it all in. During those days I was getting a real lesson in defending the faith - I just didn't know it quite yet!

Sometime around Christmas I was watching Christian TV one evening after work. A man on there was giving a testimony and asking viewers if they would also like to receive Jesus as savior. That night I prayed along with him as he lead me in a simple prayer of trust and repentance. God had really been drawing me for months and now I wept with a sense of joy and peace. I could hardly wait to see Laura the next day and tell her the good news.

When she arrived I was already there - waiting at the door of our department. "Laura, Laura! I got saved!" I cried out. "Oh praise the Lord!" she responded enthusiastically. We jumped up and down and then embraced each other. I noticed a couple of on-lookers rolled their eyes and I overheard one of them mutter with disgust, "A couple of Jesus freaks."

As the weekend drew near I was anticipating having a whole Saturday to read the Bible and pray. When the day dawned I brewed a large pot of coffee. As I began to pray it seemed the Lord wanted to speak to me about some very specific things. I spent most of the day repenting of different sins as the Lord brought them to mind. Eventually He gently nudged me about the abortion. My heart broke! I hadn't thought about that in so long! In tears I agreed with Him and confessed that my own sinful decisions had brought me to the place of having an abortion. It was not my mom's fault. It wasn't John's or anyone else's. It was mine. I had been living selfishly and the fruit of that was that I had consented to a horrific act of violence against an innocent human being - my baby. This was the first time I really allowed myself to admit the truth. I had been carrying a baby, not just a "blob of tissue;" a convenient lie used by the abortion industry to sell their services, and one perpetuated by the women themselves to soothe their consciences. I had believed a lie in order to protect myself.

I repented and asked God to forgive me. I thought of all the people I had wronged through this one sin. I went on for some time - maybe an hour or two. In the end I felt relief and assurance of His forgiveness. I was just beginning to learn something of His faithfulness and righteousness to "forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9

I wish I could say that that's all it takes - just receive God's forgiveness and all will be well. It was a wonderful start to my healing; but it was just that, a start. I unknowingly thought there was nothing left to do. I didn't realize how great the "damage" really was. So I stuffed it again - this time under a Christian veneer.

In my next post I promise to get to the healing part! I had originally planned to do that in this one. However, I think the Lord wanted me to share my testimony because it's too easy as Christians to gloss over painful wounds just because we're saved now. That's in essence what I did. Yes, absolutely yes, there's healing and forgiveness in salvation. Receiving Christ is the most beautiful, wondrous thing that can ever happen to anyone. His work is all-sufficient; I don't want to diminish that. In fact, I want to glorify it and say that He came to give us freedom and truth. I know from personal experience, and from working as a leader in post-abortion Bible studies, that God wants to go much deeper and much more thoroughly than we can even imagine. When He does a healing work it's complete and whole; literally life-transforming. I've seen it happen time and again. Women are set free to become the woman God wants them to be! Next time I will show you how He brought that about in my life and give some practical first steps if you've experienced abortion and want healing.

If, however, you've had an abortion and need immediate help, please feel free to contact me. You may email me confidentially at titus2homemaker@gmail.com.