One of the neatest and most enjoyable things the book Fascinating Womanhood encourages readers to do is to keep a "love booklet." In the pages of your booklet you are to record the loving responses of your husband as you practice the principles of Fascinating Womanhood. In this way, you'll have a precious keepsake to reminisce about years later. The author, Helen Andelin, kept one for years, right up to her husband's death at which time she was blessed to record his last words to her.
I, also, am finding joy in keeping a love booklet and hope to do it for a lifetime. In fact, just last week I recorded that Aaron came up from behind, gently put his hands on me, and said, "I was just thinking today how happy I am to be married to you." Then last night, after some good "shoulder-to-shoulder" time jogging together, he replied, "You know, you really are a good wife and have been an encouragement to me lately." Well, let me tell you - that went right into my love booklet! I even tell him when I'm going to write something in there and he gets a real kick out of it.
However, as great as all this is, there is one thing I feel I should mention. I have observed, and I believe it's a principal in general with men, that husbands are not nearly as verbally expressive as their wives. I began to notice this early on in our marriage. Back then I would get really "put out" and couldn't understand why I showered my husband with verbal love, yet he didn't respond in like. Sometimes I'd even resort to dropping hints or manipulating him to say the things I wanted to hear. This went over about as well as a lead balloon!
In their book Motivating Your Man God's Way - Applying One Word That Energizes Your Husband To Love, Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs address this very issue. They state: "Women want to talk about matters of the heart. They do not feel obligated to do this; they yearn to do this. When first married, they felt their husbands would be their intimate friends. Yet, he was less expressive at that level. So she talked more and more."
Not surprisingly, their conclusion pinpoints exactly what I had experienced as a young wife: "She can feel frustrated by what appears to be his lack of expressiveness and responsiveness at an intimate level." Unfortunately, in my case, this frustration spewed out in the way I treated my husband and caused a lot of heartache for us both. Many years of marriage went by - wasted by my discontentment to be married to such a romantic nincompoop.
I'm glad, however, that as I've grown older perhaps I've grown a little wiser as well. Nowadays I realize that being expressive is just not as natural for men; for they are "do-ers" more than anything. By contrast, sociologists describe women as expressive-responsive. This is rooted in our nurturing abilities. It has even been shown in some studies that we speak significantly more words in a given day than our male counterparts. We are "speak-ers" more than anything. Therefore, most wives will exceed their husbands, many times over, in the area of affirming and loving words.
I, also, am finding joy in keeping a love booklet and hope to do it for a lifetime. In fact, just last week I recorded that Aaron came up from behind, gently put his hands on me, and said, "I was just thinking today how happy I am to be married to you." Then last night, after some good "shoulder-to-shoulder" time jogging together, he replied, "You know, you really are a good wife and have been an encouragement to me lately." Well, let me tell you - that went right into my love booklet! I even tell him when I'm going to write something in there and he gets a real kick out of it.
However, as great as all this is, there is one thing I feel I should mention. I have observed, and I believe it's a principal in general with men, that husbands are not nearly as verbally expressive as their wives. I began to notice this early on in our marriage. Back then I would get really "put out" and couldn't understand why I showered my husband with verbal love, yet he didn't respond in like. Sometimes I'd even resort to dropping hints or manipulating him to say the things I wanted to hear. This went over about as well as a lead balloon!
In their book Motivating Your Man God's Way - Applying One Word That Energizes Your Husband To Love, Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs address this very issue. They state: "Women want to talk about matters of the heart. They do not feel obligated to do this; they yearn to do this. When first married, they felt their husbands would be their intimate friends. Yet, he was less expressive at that level. So she talked more and more."
Not surprisingly, their conclusion pinpoints exactly what I had experienced as a young wife: "She can feel frustrated by what appears to be his lack of expressiveness and responsiveness at an intimate level." Unfortunately, in my case, this frustration spewed out in the way I treated my husband and caused a lot of heartache for us both. Many years of marriage went by - wasted by my discontentment to be married to such a romantic nincompoop.
I'm glad, however, that as I've grown older perhaps I've grown a little wiser as well. Nowadays I realize that being expressive is just not as natural for men; for they are "do-ers" more than anything. By contrast, sociologists describe women as expressive-responsive. This is rooted in our nurturing abilities. It has even been shown in some studies that we speak significantly more words in a given day than our male counterparts. We are "speak-ers" more than anything. Therefore, most wives will exceed their husbands, many times over, in the area of affirming and loving words.
My point to all this, dear sisters, is to remind us to be thankful for the words of affirmation that our husbands do say because they are NOT cheaply given! When they say them, they mean them - and that, in itself, is richly rewarding. These days, I light up when Aaron says sweet things. You may wonder if he does this everyday. Let me say that no - of course he doesn't - but that's okay, because he's the most romantic man I know!
Therefore, please learn from my mistakes and treasure your husband's attempts. He's trying, in his own way, to tell you how much you mean to him. Why not even write them down to look at later! If you haven't done this yet, I highly recommend you try. I know it will bless you both.
In closing, I encourage you above all to never berate your husband for being less verbal than you; but rather praise God that He made us male and female! He's a man! Learn to appreciate that.
I'm starting on the next post later today (my daughter is at a friend's, so it's a good day for writing!). This subject was on my heart, though, and so I wanted to sneak this one in first. Hope to see you back for the last Obstacle to Healing!
Therefore, please learn from my mistakes and treasure your husband's attempts. He's trying, in his own way, to tell you how much you mean to him. Why not even write them down to look at later! If you haven't done this yet, I highly recommend you try. I know it will bless you both.
In closing, I encourage you above all to never berate your husband for being less verbal than you; but rather praise God that He made us male and female! He's a man! Learn to appreciate that.
I'm starting on the next post later today (my daughter is at a friend's, so it's a good day for writing!). This subject was on my heart, though, and so I wanted to sneak this one in first. Hope to see you back for the last Obstacle to Healing!
No comments:
Post a Comment