Thanks for joining me. This will be the final post in this series on forgiveness. It feels like it's been a long journey (and it has), but hopefully we've learned some things along the way!
There are just two more points I'd like to share with you. I'll admit that I'm really anxious to move on to standing in prayer for your marriage and so that's why I'm combining these into one post. Without further introduction then, let's find out two more ways God uses the grace of forgiveness in our lives.
Forgiveness is God's Way to Witnessing: I actually learned this lesson years ago as an outside observer, long before experiencing the devastation of infidelity in my own marriage. To me, my friend, Meghan, was a living example of godliness. She handled her husband's adultery with grace and dignity. When Mike began having an affair with a co-worker, she clung to the Lord and sought Him prayerfully. After many months of heartache, he finally ended his illicit relationship with the other woman. Together they began the work of rebuilding their marriage and healing the damage to their five children. Meghan was a true inspiration during this time as her faith in the Lord shone brightly all around her.
However, most amazing was the way Meghan's forgiveness of the other woman glorified God. Unlike many couples recovering from adultery, Meghan and Mike still had to deal with this woman almost daily since she continued working in the same office as Mike. As the holidays approached that year, so did the company Christmas party. Mike was nervous to bring it up. When he finally did mention it, Meghan didn't waver. Of course they would go!
Working at a company such as he did, making a large salary, the event was a real "black-tie affair." The ladies were all dressed up and Meghan looked beautiful in her elegant, yet modest, evening gown. Going to the ladies' room, she opened the door to see the "other woman" standing at the sink, freshening up her makeup. Instead of feeling the sting of humiliation, Meghan forgot herself and felt pity for this woman instead. Her heart was heavy for where this person must have been spiritually. The moment seemed supernaturally orchestrated by the Lord; there was no one else in the room but the two of them. With a look of compassion and a gracious smile, Meghan slowly approached and asked if she was Beth. The other woman, who had turned toward her, shakily answered, "Yes," but would not look Meghan in the eyes.
In the next moment, my friend gently wrapped her arms around Beth's shoulders, then stood back and replied, "I just want you to know Beth, that because Jesus forgives me, I forgive you too." For the first time Beth looked up at Meghan, surprise filling her face. Then her hand went to her mouth as she attempted to stifle her astonishment, and tears sprung to her eyes. A second later she lost all composure and began sobbing. Now Meghan was holding her while she cried.
After a few minutes, her tears subsided somewhat and she finally managed, "I always knew you were a Christian." Not too much else was said between the women, but you can be sure that our heavenly Father was looking down and smiling. Through her forgiveness, Meghan had witnessed to this woman that Jesus Christ was real and alive in a profound way. She and Mike have since moved away, but a verse comes to mind whenever I think of her: "Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
Fast forward several years in my own life to the year 2009. It was the weekend after Christmas. For months now I'd been working hard at maturing into a godly wife after learning of my husband's affair; learning to die to myself and becoming "like a grain of wheat," as mentioned in John 12:24. Taking my "Christmas money" - cash gifts from my parents and in-laws - I treated Aaron to a weekend getaway. Everything went absolutely wonderful: the food was fabulous, the inn romantic, and the activities enjoyable. On the way home we dawdled - stopping here and there like we never wanted it to end.
While I want to preserve some of the intimacy and specialness of the time for just the two of us, I will tell you that something very significant happened as we were going home on the last evening. It was dark, and because he was tired, my husband had asked me to drive. For most of the way we talked non-stop. However, at one point a couple quiet minutes passed and I noticed that Aaron was staring out his window at the dark countryside. An oncoming car showed me that he was crying. I chose to say nothing and wait for him to talk.
After a few more minutes he said softly, "Why did you spend your money on me? You could have bought something for yourself - instead you repaid me good for my evil." I was incredibly touched. That moment led to us disclosing many things that were on our hearts with each other. However, I think most significant, in a spiritual sense, was what I had "shared," not verbally, but through my actions towards him. For this I can take no credit as there were many times throughout the weekend when I was just itching to say something, and the Lord would whisper, "Quiet."
Inwardly, as we were sharing, I was praying. I was thinking about the Lord's warning to me all weekend and bearing in mind 1 Peter 3:1-2 where the Apostle admonishes wives to "win" their disobedient husbands without a word. Looking back, I really think that because I had kept quiet all weekend, allowing God's grace to be displayed by my deeds, a door of opportunity for me to speak was opened. I was finally able to tell Aaron that I had truly forgiven him, and that our weekend away was simply a reflection of what God had done for me. Glancing over at him, I continued. There was one verse I felt the Lord wanted me to share, so I said something like, "You know, honey, this reminds me of a time in my life. It was when I finally realized what amazing things the Lord had done for me, even though I was a terrible sinner, that I repented and received Christ as my savior. I can't help but think of Romans 2:4 which says that the 'kindness of God leads (us) to repentance.'''
That was just the beginning of breakthroughs the Lord would do in us, and in our marriage. In the months since that precious weekend, my wonderful husband has not only come back to the Lord, he also has a real burden for those who don't know Him! Just a couple days ago he shared with me that he needs to witness to a particular person the Lord has laid on his heart. Praise God!
Finally, a last thought on forgiveness...
Forgiveness is God's Love (As Demonstrated Through His Reconciliation with Us): This one is really quite simple. When we choose to forgive someone who has sinned against us, we choose to become like our Father. God, according to His grace, chose to reconcile the world to Himself through the act of forgiveness.
"...God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them." (2 Corinthians 5:19)
In the same way, while we cannot control the other person's response to our forgiveness, we may offer the only hope of our relationship with that person being restored. Our willingness to bear their sin debt toward us, through the grace of forgiveness, acts as the catalyst for such a possibility to even exist. If you're reading this and the offender is your husband, then forgiving him will be the greatest investment in your marriage you will ever make. I know that in my own experience, forgiving Aaron opened wide the floodgates to all the subsequent things God has done.
May I further suggest that forgiveness is the greatest expression of love we can show. Think of the well-known verse, "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) It was Christ's atonement on our behalf, resulting in forgiveness of sins, that was the very manifestation of His love. Likewise, 1 Peter 4:8 tells us what the outcome of our love in action should be: "...Love covers a multitude of sins."
For a wonderful commentary of this verse and the role of forgiveness in becoming perfected in love, I'll turn to Gill's Exposition of the Bible. (For those who don't know who John Gill was, he was pastor for 51 years at Metropolitan Tabernacle, the same church that Charles Spurgeon pastored one hundred years later.)
"'For charity shall cover the multitude of sins'; referring to Proverbs 10:12. Not a man's own sins, but the sins of others; and not from the sight of God, for from that only the blood and righteousness of Christ cover sins, even all the sins, the whole multitude of the sins of God's elect; but from the sight of men, both of those against whom they are committed, and others; since charity, or true love, thinks no ill, but puts the best constructions upon the words and actions of fellow Christians, and does not take them up, and improve and exaggerate them, but lets them lie buried in oblivion: it takes no notice of injuries, offences, and affronts, but overlooks them, bears with them, and forgives them, so that they are never raked up, and seen any more; which prevents much scandal, strife, and trouble." (Emphasis mine)
I don't know about you, but I really love the word-picture of forgiveness he paints for us in that last statement - "...so that they are never raked up." However, while we're talking about restored relationships, we must also acknowledge that sometimes, as in my case with the other woman, a relationship with the offender may not be desirable, or even expedient. In such situations the Bible is still clear on what responsibility we do bear before the Lord. Verses such as Romans 12:18 tell us, "If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men." Similarly, Hebrews 12:14 says, "Pursue peace with all men." Obviously, the "all men" referred to in both of these verses would include the person who injured us. So, while it's possible that you or I won't ever have any association with the wrongdoer again - we can still be at peace with that person. If we should encounter him or her, we experience no internal conflict and may even wish them well. Most importantly, though, we can rest assured if we are in a state of forgiveness and have peace with God concerning the matter.
Whether the final destination of your own journey is reconciliation or a state of peace, I hope that throughout this series I've been able to convince you that forgiveness towards others is not only possible, but completely attainable. It certainly is not just for "super Christians." Our ability doesn't rest with us, but with God. For "...with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26) Secondly, I also hope I've demonstrated the beautiful benefits of forgiveness in order that you may extend it from a heart filled and overflowing with grace. Therefore, my prayer for each of you comes from Paul's statement in Hebrews 13:9 where he says, "For it is a good thing that the heart be established with grace."
Well, I think that finally wraps up this series! Really it's been good for me too as I've reviewed and thought a lot about the things I've learned while struggling to forgive.
Together we've seen how wonderful our God is as He works in us "both to will and to work for His good pleasure." (Philippians 2:13) As a recap, we discovered that forgiveness is: God's Will; God's Plan; God's Pruning; God's Way; and God's Love. I'm sure there's so many other facets of forgiveness I could have covered, but I shared the main things I felt the Lord wanted me to. I certainly welcome your questions or comments here, or if you prefer, you may contact me privately at titus2homemaker@gmail.com.
Next time, Lord willing, I'll talk about standing in prayer for your marriage. I'll have some practical tips and a whole list of Scriptures that are wonderful to pray. Until then, may God's peace guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7)
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