The first half of Fascinating Womanhood deals with the Angelic qualities of a woman, particularly focusing on understanding men and their needs. Among these needs are the need for acceptance, appreciation, and admiration - things which I believe coincide beautifully with the mandate of Scripture that tells wives they must respect their husbands:
"Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." (Ephesians 5:33)
The second half of the book deals with the woman herself. Such things as having radiant happiness, a worthy character, and understanding her own feminine nature. These qualities, of course, are all reflected in the well-known passage of Proverbs 31:10-31.
Imagine then my delight a couple weeks ago when two women, each exemplifying one side of the fascinating woman, nearly jumped off the page at me in separate books! Let me explain. In my personal devotion time I've been going through John Piper's book Desiring God for a second time. I first read it about fourteen or fifteen years ago but one day recently, as I was rummaging through a box of books, I was excited to rediscover it. Perusing through its pages, I hadn't gotten far (in fact only through the preface of my "tenth anniversary edition") when I read these words, written to his father:
"The dedicatory words I wrote in 1986 are still true ten years later. I can recall mother laughing so hard at the dinner table that the tears came down her face. She was a very happy woman. But especially when you came home on Monday." (His father was a traveling evangelist.) "You had been gone two weeks. Or sometimes three or four. She would glow on Monday mornings when you were coming home.
"At the dinner table that night (these were the happiest of times in my memory) we would hear about the victories of the gospel... Holy and happy were those Monday meals. O, how good it was to have you home!"
Amazing! Now just what quality of hers do you think really jumped out at me? Yes, of course - John Piper's mother was a radiantly happy woman - and her children and husband were incredibly blessed by it. I also hope you noticed - as I did - that his mother didn't appear to harbor any self-pity over her husband's long absences. In fact, she seems to have portrayed complete contentment in her circumstances, as well as a steadfast support of her husband. She hung on his words and taught her children to do the same. What a fascinating woman Mrs. Piper must have been!
Secondly, over the last several months my daughter and I have been (slowly) reading through the Anne of Green Gables books together. It's always a joy to read-aloud good quality literature. Books are a perfect way to demonstrate to my daughter how we should interact with everything we encounter; comparing - in this case the adventures of Anne Shirley - with the one true story, the gospel of Jesus Christ. For that reason I make every effort to point out a book's themes and the virtues (or faults) of its characters.
In the fourth book of the series called Anne of Windy Poplars, Anne Shirley is now engaged to her childhood friend, Gilbert Blythe. During this time the couple is separated while Gilbert attends medical school and Anne takes a teaching position. In the little town where Anne teaches she boards with some lovable characters including two elderly ladies, Aunt Kate and Aunt Chatty, and their maid, Rebecca Dew. Since they cannot be together, Anne and Gilbert must content themselves with written communication. Much of the book, therefore, is actually Anne's long letters to him.
In the second chapter she shares with Gilbert some snippets of love letters written by Aunt Chatty's grandmother. Although short, I was delighted to read the excerpts (and Anne's comments that follow) and immediately thought of what a beautiful example they are of a woman who knew how to captivate the heart of her husband through her respectful demeanor and attitude. As I share them I hope you'll especially note that Anne seems to possess a keen understanding of the effect of such words on a man (this also being a virtue of a fascinating woman!). So here's the first one. It appears on page 23 at the start of a letter to Gilbert:
"Honored and Respected Sir:-
"That is how a love letter of Aunt Chatty's grandmother began. Isn't it delicious? What a thrill of superiority it must have given the grandfather! Wouldn't you really rather prefer it to 'Gilbert darling, etc.?' "
In the second, Anne closes a letter:
"Your obedient servant,
"Anne Shirley.
"P.S. That was how Aunt Chatty's grandmother signed her love letters."
I know they're small things, but aren't these wonderful quotes? Or do they seem old-fashioned? Maybe a bit "formal?" If they do sound a little strange to our modern ears it's probably because we don't hear such talk from women nowadays! But, really, perhaps we should. Perhaps we women who love God and His Word should stop and really consider how we speak to our husbands. Are we building our husband up by showing him respect? I encourage each of us to examine our heart and answer that one honestly!
As many of you know, I didn't always do this. In fact, I'd have to rank my past performance somewhere in the range of 1 (or maybe 2) out of 10. Sad but true! But these days I make intentional efforts at speaking respectfully to Aaron. I consider how I might "make his day." Now, to be sure, for each husband that will mean something different. Our job, ladies, is to know and study our own man so we can bless him in a way that will be meaningful to him. I pray all the time for God to give me insight as to how I might do that. One little way I have discovered is to occasionally call my husband "Mr. S_______." I say it in my sweetest, most admiring voice. Honestly this almost always causes him to light up - no matter what sort of mood he's been in!
Therefore, getting back to Anne, her observation was absolutely right - any man would be "thrilled" to be spoken to in such a delightful way as "Honored and Respected Sir." If you doubt this, here's a question to consider - wouldn't you thrill to be called something like "Cherished and Loved Lady" by your husband? If your answer was "yes" then I have some good news. I truly believe that any man treated to this beautiful, dignified, consistent attitude by his wife will most certainly grow to cherish her more than life. He may not always say this; but he will undoubtedly show it in a multitude of other ways.
Finally, dear sisters, do we realize, as Aunt Chatty's grandmother seemed to, that we were created to be our husband's helpmate - his "obedient servant?" That if we are married we've actually been called to be a servant? At the risk of sounding cliché, let me gently remind you that "what God calls us to, He sees us through!"
Oh friend - don't be dismayed at the thought of treating or speaking to your man in a "subservient" way. Instead look to and follow Jesus, of whom the Bible says, "...the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:28) And let it be from your heart - let it flow from an attitude set on pleasing your husband above yourself. Please study and meditate on Philippians 2:1-8 for additional encouragement in this area.
Before I close, I also encourage you to keep your eyes open as you read books, watch movies, or even browse the internet. Within each of those things you will surely find a wealth of women whose example is worth following. Women who reflect the glory of their Maker as they relate to their husband and others around them. Ask yourself questions about what it is they do; what habits they have; and how they make a difference in others' lives - and then go and do the same.
Blessings on each of you this week! If you have anything to add to this I'd love to hear from you soon!
"The dedicatory words I wrote in 1986 are still true ten years later. I can recall mother laughing so hard at the dinner table that the tears came down her face. She was a very happy woman. But especially when you came home on Monday." (His father was a traveling evangelist.) "You had been gone two weeks. Or sometimes three or four. She would glow on Monday mornings when you were coming home.
"At the dinner table that night (these were the happiest of times in my memory) we would hear about the victories of the gospel... Holy and happy were those Monday meals. O, how good it was to have you home!"
Amazing! Now just what quality of hers do you think really jumped out at me? Yes, of course - John Piper's mother was a radiantly happy woman - and her children and husband were incredibly blessed by it. I also hope you noticed - as I did - that his mother didn't appear to harbor any self-pity over her husband's long absences. In fact, she seems to have portrayed complete contentment in her circumstances, as well as a steadfast support of her husband. She hung on his words and taught her children to do the same. What a fascinating woman Mrs. Piper must have been!
Secondly, over the last several months my daughter and I have been (slowly) reading through the Anne of Green Gables books together. It's always a joy to read-aloud good quality literature. Books are a perfect way to demonstrate to my daughter how we should interact with everything we encounter; comparing - in this case the adventures of Anne Shirley - with the one true story, the gospel of Jesus Christ. For that reason I make every effort to point out a book's themes and the virtues (or faults) of its characters.
In the fourth book of the series called Anne of Windy Poplars, Anne Shirley is now engaged to her childhood friend, Gilbert Blythe. During this time the couple is separated while Gilbert attends medical school and Anne takes a teaching position. In the little town where Anne teaches she boards with some lovable characters including two elderly ladies, Aunt Kate and Aunt Chatty, and their maid, Rebecca Dew. Since they cannot be together, Anne and Gilbert must content themselves with written communication. Much of the book, therefore, is actually Anne's long letters to him.
In the second chapter she shares with Gilbert some snippets of love letters written by Aunt Chatty's grandmother. Although short, I was delighted to read the excerpts (and Anne's comments that follow) and immediately thought of what a beautiful example they are of a woman who knew how to captivate the heart of her husband through her respectful demeanor and attitude. As I share them I hope you'll especially note that Anne seems to possess a keen understanding of the effect of such words on a man (this also being a virtue of a fascinating woman!). So here's the first one. It appears on page 23 at the start of a letter to Gilbert:
"Honored and Respected Sir:-
"That is how a love letter of Aunt Chatty's grandmother began. Isn't it delicious? What a thrill of superiority it must have given the grandfather! Wouldn't you really rather prefer it to 'Gilbert darling, etc.?' "
In the second, Anne closes a letter:
"Your obedient servant,
"Anne Shirley.
"P.S. That was how Aunt Chatty's grandmother signed her love letters."
I know they're small things, but aren't these wonderful quotes? Or do they seem old-fashioned? Maybe a bit "formal?" If they do sound a little strange to our modern ears it's probably because we don't hear such talk from women nowadays! But, really, perhaps we should. Perhaps we women who love God and His Word should stop and really consider how we speak to our husbands. Are we building our husband up by showing him respect? I encourage each of us to examine our heart and answer that one honestly!
As many of you know, I didn't always do this. In fact, I'd have to rank my past performance somewhere in the range of 1 (or maybe 2) out of 10. Sad but true! But these days I make intentional efforts at speaking respectfully to Aaron. I consider how I might "make his day." Now, to be sure, for each husband that will mean something different. Our job, ladies, is to know and study our own man so we can bless him in a way that will be meaningful to him. I pray all the time for God to give me insight as to how I might do that. One little way I have discovered is to occasionally call my husband "Mr. S_______." I say it in my sweetest, most admiring voice. Honestly this almost always causes him to light up - no matter what sort of mood he's been in!
Therefore, getting back to Anne, her observation was absolutely right - any man would be "thrilled" to be spoken to in such a delightful way as "Honored and Respected Sir." If you doubt this, here's a question to consider - wouldn't you thrill to be called something like "Cherished and Loved Lady" by your husband? If your answer was "yes" then I have some good news. I truly believe that any man treated to this beautiful, dignified, consistent attitude by his wife will most certainly grow to cherish her more than life. He may not always say this; but he will undoubtedly show it in a multitude of other ways.
Finally, dear sisters, do we realize, as Aunt Chatty's grandmother seemed to, that we were created to be our husband's helpmate - his "obedient servant?" That if we are married we've actually been called to be a servant? At the risk of sounding cliché, let me gently remind you that "what God calls us to, He sees us through!"
Oh friend - don't be dismayed at the thought of treating or speaking to your man in a "subservient" way. Instead look to and follow Jesus, of whom the Bible says, "...the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many." (Matthew 20:28) And let it be from your heart - let it flow from an attitude set on pleasing your husband above yourself. Please study and meditate on Philippians 2:1-8 for additional encouragement in this area.
Before I close, I also encourage you to keep your eyes open as you read books, watch movies, or even browse the internet. Within each of those things you will surely find a wealth of women whose example is worth following. Women who reflect the glory of their Maker as they relate to their husband and others around them. Ask yourself questions about what it is they do; what habits they have; and how they make a difference in others' lives - and then go and do the same.
Blessings on each of you this week! If you have anything to add to this I'd love to hear from you soon!
