What An Adulteress Knows, Part 2: Biblical Femininity Vs. False Femininity

Mr. & Mrs. Woodrow Wilson in 1910

Writing to his wife, Ellen, President Wilson said, "What a source of steadying and of strength it is to me in such seasons of too intimate self-questioning to have one fixed point of confidence and certainty - that even, unbroken, excellent perfection of my little wife, with her poise, her easy capacity in action, her unfailing courage, her quick, efficient thought - and the charm that goes with it all, the sweetness, the feminine grace - none of the usual penalties of efficiency - no hardness, no incisive sharpness, no air of command, or of unyielding opinion. Most women who are efficient are such terrors." 


The first time I read this quote I was so touched by it! At first I thought that President Wilson must have been an extraordinary man to have written such incredible words of praise for his wife. However, after reading more about her, I realized that it was actually Mrs. Wilson who was an extraordinary individual; having earned this intimate place in her husband's heart. For us today she remains a beautiful example of what it means to be a helpmate; and furthermore a woman of excellence. 

"Her children rise up and bless her;

Her husband also, and he praises her, saying:

'Many daughters have done nobly,

But you excel them all.' " 

Proverbs 31:28-29

While I read many interesting things about her in my research, I particularly love one author's summary of her: "She was the perfect helpmate for an overly sensitive, often quarrelsome, and easily bruised husband." So there you see dear friend - Mrs. Wilson chose the higher road of being a good wife to a man that, well, sounds like he was a bit difficult! But this fact just makes their relationship all the more amazing. For despite his temperament, it's been said that President Wilson absolutely adored his wife. May I submit that it's likely because she lived out the two things in all of life that we wives should seek to perfect. Namely, respecting our husband and being truly feminine.

Now, as you know, we've been lately discussing the adulteress. She is by nature the very opposite of Mrs. Wilson. And in order for me to begin exploring the intriguing topic of Biblical femininity vs. false femininity with you, it is necessary to leave her behind. However, not before I tell you that I am actually indebted to such a woman. While it may seem a strong statement to make, I truly believe that if it weren't for my husband's affair I may never have discovered my transgressions in marriage. It's a sobering thing, but sometimes the Lord does allow consequences and bad things to happen to us when we continue in sin year after year. Of course He's not the author of such things, but in His mercy will use them to chastise and "wake" us from our slumber:

"Make sure that none of you suffers as a murderer, or thief, or evildoer, or a troublesome meddler; but if anyone suffers as a Christian, he is not to be ashamed, but is to glorify God in this name. For it is time for judgment to begin with the household of God; and if it begins with us first, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? AND IF IT IS WITH DIFFICULTY THAT THE RIGHTEOUS IS SAVED, WHAT WILL BECOME OF THE GODLESS MAN AND THE SINNER? Therefore, those also who suffer according to the will of God shall entrust their souls to a faithful Creator in doing what is right." (1 Peter 4:15-19)

As a recap, I will remind you that in the first of these two posts we learned how the adulteress draws married men into her web by use of flattery. We discovered that flattery is an evil substitute for the acceptance, appreciation, and admiration due a husband by his wife. When these things are lacking in a man's life and his wife has actually done damage to his masculine pride (which is that normal, healthy confidence in who God made him as a man) she had better understand that she puts her husband in danger of being vulnerable to such a woman. I think the teacher of the Fascinating Womanhood course I took may have said it best: "(She) should know that her husband is ripe for being wooed by the flatteries of an adulteress who knows well the art of bolstering a man whose pride has been damaged or wounded by his wife."


Now let's look at the second thing the adulteress woman does to attract married men to herself. It is her use of "feminine wiles." In short, she is a seductress. Now, let me say that using feminine wiles is not the same as actually being feminine. As we'll see shortly when we uncover what true femininity is, she is the polar opposite of this. And yet, sadly, she is the epitome of all this present culture promotes. We have now succumbed to such a low view of womanhood, and thus the art of being feminine, as to reduce it to little more than the power a woman possesses to seduce and triumph over man. Modern woman seeks to subdue her male counterpart not only in the sexual realm, but in every other realm traditionally dominated by him.


This indoctrination of women begins early on, continuing throughout childhood and into adolescence. Because this is not my main topic here - although it would be a fascinating one I'm sure - I will not spend much time expounding on this. However, let's consider just one indicator of cultural trends and attitudes - magazines aimed at teenage girls. 


The latest online edition of Seventeen, one of the most popular teen magazines, includes these headlines: Your Perfect Prom Hairstyle; Hot Guy Panel Exclusives; The Hottest Swimsuits for Summer; and Which TV Hottie is Your Perfect Match? Not to be outdone, Girls Life Magazine isn't promoting anything close to Biblical values either with articles such as: 100 Ways to Look Cute; Make Him Yours; and Score a Spring Break Bod. Unfortunately, these types of magazines were popular when I was a teen in the early 80s and I'm sure their history goes back even further than that. 


We must also consider, however, the false god of Hollywood. It would be a strong understatement to say that little moral encouragement comes out of mainstream film and television culture. Not merely an indicator of cultural trends; but rather Hollywood has become one of the strongest influences upon our present age, leaving us to conclude that it's no wonder we have entire generations of women and girls who are completely deceived about what it means to be a woman! I can't help but think this a sad reflection of the moral decline of a nation which once lifted up Judeo-Christian ethics as the backbone of society; of a nation where the Bible was once held in esteem. Oh how far we've come ladies!


And may I suggest that unlike days past when inspiring character development was of key concern, popular guidance and advice for young women now seem to fall into one of these broad categories: outward appearance, petty concerns, and pleasing one's appetites. Look again at those headlines and I think you'll agree. If all of this weren't enough, in the area of academics, we find that preparation for marriage and motherhood (remember "home economics?") has completely given way; while in its place has arisen education designed to "empower" young women in relationships, upper education, and the workplace. 


For some idea of just how much things have changed in the last one hundred and fifty years we need only to look at the themes of best-selling literature from the 19th century. Here we find many clues about societal ideals during that time. One such example is the book Little Women, written by Louisa May Alcott. Immensely successful both commercially and critically, Little Women was first published in 1868. Following closely on its heels was a companion volume, interestingly entitled Good Wives. (May I note here the sad irony of once having been a society where popular books bore titles extolling the virtue of being a good wife, to our contemporary one which glorifies smut on television such as Desperate Housewives. Truly such shows actually pervert the noble task of being a wife!) 


In the first of these two books by Alcott, the mother, endearingly referred to as "Marmee" by her coming-of-age daughters, tells them: "To be loved and chosen by a good man is the best and sweetest thing." No mention of outward beauty here! And especially notable is the implication of such a statement: not only the absence of the equality and even triumph over man heralded by today's feminism; but the honoring of that most beautiful, humble quality of esteeming men and seeking to become a suitable wife to one.


This conflict with Biblical values is at the very heart of this issue. False femininity is based on the worldly philosophy of feminism - that self-seeking, self-aggrandizing system of thought which views men as hurdles to be overcome on the way to greater self-fulfillment and realization. As feministic thought grew in the 20th century it began encompassing every area of life to include a new sexual "freedom" (and I think this would mean power over men in this arena); decisions regarding motherhood (including abortion on-demand); as well as the subtleties of competition against men in the working world. 


In the next post, therefore, we will begin to compare this ungodly way of thinking, looking at its various manifestations and the lifestyle it produces; against the qualities of womanhood the Bible mentions and which define for us what true femininity is. Lord willing I'll put it in a practical format which I hope will serve to really contrast the differences between Biblical femininity and false femininity.


I would have loved to do this all in one post dear sisters! But I realized that it will be much too lengthy if I try. Also, my husband's aunt just passed away and with family coming in to town for the funeral and such, my time is limited this week. Seriously though I can hardly wait to finish this up! I really have a heart and passion for these things and I want to share what I've learned with you. Please feel free to comment; or perhaps you have something you want me to share in the next post that would encourage or edify others concerning this topic. I'd love to hear from you!

"Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised." (Proverbs 31:30) Be a woman worthy of praise this week!