Is the Son of God praying in me, or am I dictating to Him?....Prayer is not simply getting things from God, that is a most initial form of prayer; prayer is getting into perfect communion with God. If the Son of God is formed in us by regeneration, He will press forward in front of our common sense and change our attitude to the things about which we pray. --Oswald Chambers
I've really had a neat time preparing for this post. As I've been looking back over the last year and a half in my prayer journal my heart's been soaring while rereading the accounts of God's faithfulness during this time. Looking back I can't help but think that if our marriage could be saved - and ultimately transformed - then there is hope for any marriage.
Let me encourage you, friend, that God does amazing things in hearts and marriages when His children pray earnestly. He loves to do this so that He may be glorified. For any of you facing a crisis in your marriage let me say that if you'll just hang in there, persevere in prayer, and walk in obedience to what God shows you, you can save your marriage. What I mean is that it truly takes only one person in the marriage, willing to do the right thing, to win the battle. Please understand that I don't say this lightly - but I've come to understand one thing and that is this: God is always for marriage. When you stand for your marriage, He stands with you. Prayer is the way to take your stand. I've said similar things in the past, but some things are worth repeating!
On the other hand I wish I could give you a 100% guarantee, but I cannot. However, let me make my point yet another way. Unless a husband or wife is willing to do the right thing - regardless of what the other person does - a troubled marriage will most likely fall victim to the trend of modern society and end in divorce. It's just too easy these days. We all know that divorce is considered by many to be not only an option, but a good choice in some cases. I hate to admit this but I actually allowed myself to entertain this thought at one point - feeling like our marriage was hopeless, that it could never change and never be better. I saw marriage only as a contract, not as the covenant that it is. (This will be the subject of an upcoming post so stay tuned!) Sadly, not only did I fail to understand the heart of God regarding the permanence of marriage, but I completely underestimated the "surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe." (Ephesians 1:19)
On the other hand I wish I could give you a 100% guarantee, but I cannot. However, let me make my point yet another way. Unless a husband or wife is willing to do the right thing - regardless of what the other person does - a troubled marriage will most likely fall victim to the trend of modern society and end in divorce. It's just too easy these days. We all know that divorce is considered by many to be not only an option, but a good choice in some cases. I hate to admit this but I actually allowed myself to entertain this thought at one point - feeling like our marriage was hopeless, that it could never change and never be better. I saw marriage only as a contract, not as the covenant that it is. (This will be the subject of an upcoming post so stay tuned!) Sadly, not only did I fail to understand the heart of God regarding the permanence of marriage, but I completely underestimated the "surpassing greatness of His power toward us who believe." (Ephesians 1:19)
That leads me to the point of this post. I want to show you that despite how things may look - God is so much bigger than our perception of things! The day the Lord led me to surrender my will, and lay down my rights, and fight for my marriage, He also led me to begin an adventure in prayer that continues to this present day. Please allow me then to take you on a little "tour" through the amazing things the Lord has done in my marriage. This week I will only cover the first and most important work of God in the last year and a half of our lives, and then I'll move on to others in subsequent posts. I hope you'll join me and become encouraged to seek God and believe that He does indeed answer prayer!
Praying for My Husband's Repentance
Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never--in nothing, great or small, large or petty--never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy. --Winston Churchill
This quote from Winston Churchill seems so appropriate. During the summer of 2009 things looked totally hopeless. Rather than being up against a physical enemy, that ancient enemy of mankind was systematically attacking and destroying my marriage. Even though I was now aware of his affair, it did nothing to ease the absolute animosity, almost disdain really, that my husband, Aaron, was displaying toward me. I watched helplessly as our family, our lives, crumbled before my eyes. For that reason I believe God first led me to really begin praying for my husband's repentance. In order for anything else to take place - any healing, any restoration - it was necessary that Aaron be brought to the place of acknowledging the wrong; as well as confessing and forsaking his sin - which defines what genuine repentance is.
Interestingly, in the beginning, once Aaron had confessed that he had another woman in his life, he actually went about continuing the affair like there was nothing in the world wrong with it. He even became so bold as to share with me their relational ups and downs (like I was supposed to give him advice or something!). Obviously, at this point, although he had "confessed" his sin - to me, not to God - he had no remorse whatsoever. There was not a hint of godly sorrow. He was totally taken captive by Satan to do his will. (2 Timothy 2:26)
Without rehashing all that happened (I've written in detail about my husband's affair in the posts What I've Learned Through My Husband's Affair and Take a Stand for Your Marriage: God is On Your Side!), I began praying 2 Timothy 2:25-26 for my husband earnestly day and night. I fasted so that I could better devote myself to seeking God's face. Simultaneously I committed my marriage to the Lord and reminded Him often that He hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16) Furthermore, I recognized my total dependence on Him and told Him that unless He moved on Aaron's heart that's where we would likely end up. At that time Aaron was doing all he could to get me to file for divorce. When I would retort that he could go ahead and file if he wanted to, he'd say that if I did it he wouldn't look so bad. Of course this made no sense since he was the one having an affair; but I'm sharing this and other details with you to show how badly deluded he was and under the influence of the evil one.
Interestingly, in the beginning, once Aaron had confessed that he had another woman in his life, he actually went about continuing the affair like there was nothing in the world wrong with it. He even became so bold as to share with me their relational ups and downs (like I was supposed to give him advice or something!). Obviously, at this point, although he had "confessed" his sin - to me, not to God - he had no remorse whatsoever. There was not a hint of godly sorrow. He was totally taken captive by Satan to do his will. (2 Timothy 2:26)
Without rehashing all that happened (I've written in detail about my husband's affair in the posts What I've Learned Through My Husband's Affair and Take a Stand for Your Marriage: God is On Your Side!), I began praying 2 Timothy 2:25-26 for my husband earnestly day and night. I fasted so that I could better devote myself to seeking God's face. Simultaneously I committed my marriage to the Lord and reminded Him often that He hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16) Furthermore, I recognized my total dependence on Him and told Him that unless He moved on Aaron's heart that's where we would likely end up. At that time Aaron was doing all he could to get me to file for divorce. When I would retort that he could go ahead and file if he wanted to, he'd say that if I did it he wouldn't look so bad. Of course this made no sense since he was the one having an affair; but I'm sharing this and other details with you to show how badly deluded he was and under the influence of the evil one.
Along with the verses from 2 Timothy I would pray Acts 26:18 and Colossians 1:13, pleading with the Lord to rescue my husband from the power of darkness. The spiritual battle that was raging was the most intense one I had ever experienced in my twenty years of knowing Christ. If it weren't for the strength God provided, I don't know how I would have ever made it.
Then one day everything came to a climax. For a couple weeks I had thought it was finally over between my husband and this other woman - although I knew that he would go back to her if it weren't for the ultimatum she had given him of divorce me, or be done with her. Well, apparently she had changed her mind - and on this day I discovered that he had begun sneaking around with her again. Reeling from the pain of this revelation, I called my friend, Rachel. We decided to get together for coffee at a nearby restaurant. Knowing that my husband was going to be meeting with this woman the next day, she and I sat there in a corner booth, cups of coffee getting cold. Finally we determined that there was nothing left to do but pray. Bowing our heads, tears running down both our cheeks, we implored our heavenly Father to have mercy.
"They that sow in tears shall reap in joy." Psalm 126:5
Then one day everything came to a climax. For a couple weeks I had thought it was finally over between my husband and this other woman - although I knew that he would go back to her if it weren't for the ultimatum she had given him of divorce me, or be done with her. Well, apparently she had changed her mind - and on this day I discovered that he had begun sneaking around with her again. Reeling from the pain of this revelation, I called my friend, Rachel. We decided to get together for coffee at a nearby restaurant. Knowing that my husband was going to be meeting with this woman the next day, she and I sat there in a corner booth, cups of coffee getting cold. Finally we determined that there was nothing left to do but pray. Bowing our heads, tears running down both our cheeks, we implored our heavenly Father to have mercy.
Aaron was at home, getting ready for a jog when I left to meet my friend in town. Soon after I drove off he started down the road, feeling good. But something happened in the next hour. The Lord, the Creator of Heaven and Earth, had another plan for him. He moved in a mighty way that afternoon and brought Aaron to his knees spiritually. While he was jogging he was absolutely overcome with conviction. By the time I got home it was like greeting a different man.
He asked me to come to the bedroom so we could talk. There, sitting on the floor before me, sobbing at times and moved by deep emotion, my husband asked me to forgive him. He told me that what he had been doing was wrong and he deeply regretted it. He said that our marriage really had meant something to him (weeks earlier he had said that it had been nothing but a joke, and that he never really loved me). Stuff like this continued to pour out of him for well over an hour. It was a very sad, touching time; yet one that offered a glimmer of hope for the first time in months.
That, of course, was really just the beginning. I will tell you more in the next post(s) as I talk about the way God has answered prayer for Aaron's spiritual growth, and how He continues to heal our marriage and our family. Although painful at the time, I praise God for that day which began as one of the darkest in my life. It truly does seem that sometimes we must experience the darkness before the dawn. (If you want to really be encouraged you can read an excellent sermon entitled Darkness Before the Dawn by the "prince of preachers," Charles Spurgeon, concerning this very thing by clicking this link).
I know and rejoice that the Lord began a work in Aaron's heart, and mine, that He will perfect until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6) In addition to answered prayer, I'm also anxious to tell you about what happens when you really begin to pray for someone else. Hint: you'll be changed yourself!!
I hope each of you has a good and godly week!
He asked me to come to the bedroom so we could talk. There, sitting on the floor before me, sobbing at times and moved by deep emotion, my husband asked me to forgive him. He told me that what he had been doing was wrong and he deeply regretted it. He said that our marriage really had meant something to him (weeks earlier he had said that it had been nothing but a joke, and that he never really loved me). Stuff like this continued to pour out of him for well over an hour. It was a very sad, touching time; yet one that offered a glimmer of hope for the first time in months.
That, of course, was really just the beginning. I will tell you more in the next post(s) as I talk about the way God has answered prayer for Aaron's spiritual growth, and how He continues to heal our marriage and our family. Although painful at the time, I praise God for that day which began as one of the darkest in my life. It truly does seem that sometimes we must experience the darkness before the dawn. (If you want to really be encouraged you can read an excellent sermon entitled Darkness Before the Dawn by the "prince of preachers," Charles Spurgeon, concerning this very thing by clicking this link).
I know and rejoice that the Lord began a work in Aaron's heart, and mine, that He will perfect until the day of Christ Jesus. (Philippians 1:6) In addition to answered prayer, I'm also anxious to tell you about what happens when you really begin to pray for someone else. Hint: you'll be changed yourself!!
I hope each of you has a good and godly week!
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