The Glory of Homemaking

First, I feel I should apologize for my absence on here. Life has been going at a hectic rate. Really, it's not been that bad though. I would even have to say that life's been pretty good. Since March I've been teaching a Fascinating Womanhood class in my area. What a wonderful group of thirteen ladies we have. Furthermore, I've discovered that teaching is the best way to go deeper in any subject. It's been a wonderful way for me to gain a better understanding of Biblical womanhood - and to (hopefully) live it out more and more.


Praise God - I also want to report that my marriage is stronger than ever. Just a few days ago my hubby called to say, "I needed to talk to the love of my life." Aw! So sweet! But I have to give God all the credit. Truly. Nothing I've learned, nothing I've done or accomplished in becoming a better wife was done by me in my own strength. God has just been amazingly merciful to me in my weaknesses and has allowed me insight so that I may "stimulate (my husband) to love and good deeds." (Hebrews 10:24) Everything always to His glory.


Before I begin today's topic, let me also tell you that my posts are likely to be rather sporadic from now on. Forgive me, please. I was hoping to find a guest writer (or two) who would also be able to share here on Oil of His Grace - but, thus far, that hasn't happened. However, I'm leaving it in God's hands. Not to worry! Mainly I wanted to give a little disclaimer so I don't have "blog guilt." And now I feel much better. I can enjoy my summer without being blogged down... Did I really just say that?! I meant "bogged down!" 

The Glory of Homemaking

Homemaking is a large responsibility but one that need not be mundane or overwhelming. A good homemaker considers it a joy to research and learn things pertaining to her role. She delights in bettering herself in the art of homemaking. This attitude is so critical in making your house a home! Really, being a "domestic queen" is one of the best ways to minister to your family on a daily-basis, and provide them with a sense of well-being.

For inspiration on this subject recently, I looked to the Bible. Starting with the verse that states, "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands" (Proverbs 14:1), I began noticing things regarding the Bible's theme of building. For example, in the OT there was the building of altars; the ark; the Tower of Babel; the "building" of the nation of Israel; the tabernacle; followed lastly by the building of the temple. (There were other things, of course, but those mentioned here are probably of greatest importance.) 

Continuing in the New Testament, we have the building of the kingdom of God and of the church. Each and every one of these "building projects," from both Old and New Testament, are connected by one major theme: God Himself. Whether it be something constructed to offer sacrifice to God; a vessel of salvation provided by God; an edifice of rebellion against God; a nation which would glorify God; a tent to meet with God; a permanent residence for the name of God; the mouthpiece which spreads the good news about God (and His Son, Jesus Christ) ; or the final culmination of all that IS God- each of these things were "constructed" with the express purpose of either exalting or denying the glory and majesty of God.

Then I studied another passage that speaks of "building." Namely, Proverbs 9:1 which says, "Wisdom has built her house, She has hewn out her seven pillars." While commentators are not agreed on the exact meaning of the phrase "seven pillars," one rendering I really appreciated was from Clarke's Commentary on the Bible: " 'She hath hewn out her seven pillars' - Everything has been so constructed as to exhibit a scene of grandeur, stability, and durableness." 

Allow me to share the insights I gained in a nutshell. Our homes - that which has been given to us by God as our personal domain, our own "building project" as it were, is either going to be a place where His glory is exalted, or where His glory is denied.

If we are concerned for His glory, then naturally we will be concerned for our home. After all, it is the only place on Earth where you and I can "decide" what sort of dwelling it will be. This does not mean that we will have control over every person in our home. We will not. Nor will we have control over every situation and circumstance. However, most of the domestic work done in our home is either by our own hands, or under our direction. To a large degree, the quality of that work will reflect God's presence and Lordship in our home, or it will reflect  a different story. The same is true for the overall warmth and atmosphere of the home.

Like the quote from Clarke's Commentary above, I've decided that I want my home (like the one wisdom built) to "exhibit a scene of grandeur, stability, and durableness." You and I will never be perfect; but the little touches, good food, clean clothes, and peaceful environment we seek to provide in our homes can all work to bring glory to God's holy name. Therefore, I encourage you to think of your work as "housekeeping with a purpose."

Let me conclude my exhortation. 1 Corinthians 3:10 says, "According to the grace of God which was given to me, like a wise master builder I laid a foundation, and another is building on it. But each man must be careful how he builds on it." Here the apostle Paul tells us about the foundation he laid -  the preaching of Jesus Christ, and Him crucified (see 2:2). Then he mentions another builder, Apollos, who was a teacher in the church at Corinth. Finally, Paul speaks of everyone else - including you and me. He says that we are to be careful how we build. Of course, there is the spiritual sense of that, which is the most important. But I think as wives we can take something else from this as well... If Christ is the foundation of each of our homes (and I hope that He is ), then we need to be very careful about how we build on that foundation.  Although housekeeping is something we do in the physical realm, I believe our home, just like any service for God, deserves our best workmanship and materials!

I hope you have a great week... A great summer! Keep your eyes on Jesus - the author and finisher of your faith. Comments are very welcome and I'm still hoping and praying for a guest writer - so if you're interested, let's talk!

A Culinary Feast and More

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Are you looking for an ideal gift for Mother's Day? A bridal shower? Seriously, look no further than Tawra Kellam's and Jill Cooper's excellent cookbook, Dining on a Dime Cookbook. The founders of the popular website Living on a Dime have delivered a fresh, exciting edition of their classic and award-winning cookbook. (Yes, in fact, cookbooks can be exciting! This one definitely is - I promise.) With the premise of eating better for less, this book packs over 1200 recipes! That's a ton. Honestly, this is the best cookbook I've seen in sometime. I've actually had fun pouring over its pages. No doubt it will be my "go-to gift" from now on which means no more headaches trying to decide what to get for the bride-to-be, friend's birthday, or as a "thank you" gift.


Besides excellent and money-saving recipes, Dining on a Dime Cookbook offers: timely tips (including an entire chapter on substitutions and equivalents); ideas for mixes, gift baskets, & jars; beauty aids from scratch; and homemade cleaning products. I love that there's even sections which include: how to save on herbs, an herb guide, a pantry shopping list, a freezer guide, lunch ideas, snack ideas, and leftovers.


Additionally, here's some intriguing questions answered in Dining on a Dime Cookbook...

• Did you know that dirty dishes cause debt? (Find out how on page 394)
• Want to save $10,000 a year at the grocery store? (Tawra's tips are on page 4)
• Want to clean your bathroom in a flash? (Page 398 will give you a 7-step plan)
• Need to cut down on meat? (There are pages of eating better and spending less)
• Make three meals from one chicken? (The answer is on page 176)

I really hope I've whet your "appetite!" (Yes, pun intended.) If so, let me conclude my review by listing all the recipe chapters: Beverages; breakfast; breads; soups and sandwiches; vegetables, beans, pasta, & rice; salads, dressings, pickles, & dips; meats and main dishes; cakes, pies, candy, cookies, and desserts; and miscellaneous recipes. Truly a complete cookbook for beginner or experienced cook alike. So far, since we're a bunch of sugar addicts, my family's favorite recipe has been the amazing Chocolate Pie on page 250. (I even made a homemade crust to cut costs even more.) Anyway, let me tell you - it was absolutely to die for!

I am not receiving any royalties or payment for my review, but wanted to include this here to let you know how much I highly recommend the Dining on a Dime Cookbook. It already has over 200,000 happy and satisfied readers. Click on the link above and it will take you directly to the page  for this wonderful resource, including buying information. You'll also be able to read other people's reviews and comments. (So you don't have to just take my word for it!) And while you're there, if you haven't explored the Living on a Dime website before, I encourage you to spend some time doing that as well. I'm sure you'll find loads of interesting and useful stuff! 

If you have any questions, as always, feel free to contact me at titus2homemaker@gmail.com. 


I'm hoping and praying that you spend time this week just meditating on God's awesome gift of salvation through our risen Lord! Have a blessed Easter!

From Where Do We Derive Our Value?

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This week I'm going to preach to myself. Busted! Guilty... as... charged.


What exactly am I talking about?


I am talking about something that has the potential to ruin or, at the very least, seriously undermine our relationships. When this thing which I'm talking about happens in our life we have a tendency to become sensitive; we pout when things don't go our way; and sometimes we even quit on relationships because we feel we don't measure up.


Let me begin by asking you a few questions. Answer them honestly, trying to understand that these situations, while hypothetical, represent similar situations that we've all experienced at one time or another:


1. How do you react when you take your "famous" pie/cake/casserole to a potluck and bring half of it back home with you... while the inferior-looking food item that someone else brought got cleaned-out?
2. How do you feel when someone makes a helpful suggestion about some aspect of your parenting without being asked? Or your husband mentions something not-so-positive about your housekeeping? your gardening? Or, if you're in the same position as me... your homeschooling?
3. What are your thoughts when someone dislikes, snubs, or mistreats you because of your faith in Christ?


Now, lest you think I'm talking about pride today, let me say, "I'm not." At least not directly. I'll clarify that by saying that at the root of most of our sins is pride. However, today I want to focus on a specific, troublesome manifestation of pride. A thing so insidiously difficult to recognize in ourselves that I felt compelled to write a blog post about it! (And, let's face it - it's been awhile since I've written!)

Where Do We Get Our Value?

I suppose you've guessed what the problem is from this post's title and the section title above. Yes, I'm talking about where we derive our value from. You see, each of those questions above represents myriads of situations we face, where it's easy to fall prey to finding our value in the wrong things. These include the things we do, who we are (or think we are), and whether other people accept us or not.

Let's go back to those questions for a further explanation of what I mean. In the first question, if I feel offended, "put out," or inferior because someone else's pie was preferred over mine, it may be because I find my value in my performance as a cook. When my status as a top-notch cook is threatened, I feel threatened. I don't feel good about myself and I experience shame and hurt. My problem is a hang-up with performance.

In the second question, when I react negatively, the issue could be described as a perception problem. If a situation like one of these occurs and I experience anything other than a teachable spirit, my sense of value may be coming from how I believe others perceive me. Whether that be as a parent, housekeeper, gardener, or homeschooling mother. I care too much what others think of me.

In the third question the issue is the same core issue, but with a slightly different twist. In this scenario it may be that I'm deriving my sense of personal value from others' acceptance of me. 


Finally, here's one not mentioned above that may hit home for some of you... How do you feel when your husband no longer seems to love you, pay attention to you, or worse - when perhaps he's found another woman? All of these situations are, of course, far more serious than the others above. Yet sadly, they happen in homes everyday. Yes, they hurt. We cannot deny that. But whether your husband loves you or not, whether he's pursuing another woman or not, none of these things determines your value! I chose to add this paragraph because perhaps it will help someone reading this today. I understand; I've been there. But I also praise the Lord that through my husband's unfaithfulness, He mercifully allowed me to realize that I had, for many years, found my worth in what my husband thought of me. Unknowingly, that dynamic had put a tremendous and unjust amount of pressure on Aaron to "prop me up" - as I looked to him (instead of to God). Talk about a recipe for an unhealthy relationship!

Before we move on, I'd like to ask you to look over the reactions I've described above once more. Do you see how these various ways of responding to life's unpleasant encounters with other people can undermine relationships? I'm praying that you do! What's more, these things will ultimately undermine your faith as well. And that, my sister, is very serious. We'll see why in a moment.

Freedom in Christ

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

So, if these reactions are all unhealthy and unwholesome, what is the solution to our weakness of finding our personal value and identity from what we do or what others think of us? The verse above gives us our answer. Quite simply - it's Jesus Christ! But, if we're honest, the hard part is not knowing the answer - it's knowing how to make the work of Christ a practical solution in our life. To our problems. I mean, to say that Jesus is the answer sounds a bit simplistic, a bit nebulous! As if it were some sort of spiritual "band-aid." We might ask, What does it mean that He is the answer to all of life's problems? 


I think John 8:32 will help us - "And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." The truth, when applied to your sense of value, will free you from needing other people's validation. Then you will be enabled to respond to situations, rather than be caught in the trap of reacting. 


Did you know that your feelings of inadequacy and defectiveness are a form of bondage that come from Satan? They are not from God. Therefore, let's start with truth number one: God created you in His image. (Genesis 1:26). You've heard it before but it's worth repeating, "God doesn't make junk!"


This may seem elementary, but if truth is what we need, where can we obtain it? Yes, of course, from God's Word - which incidentally calls itself "The Word of Truth" in Ephesians 1:13 and many other places. Many have also called it a "love letter" from God. Rightly so! I truly believe that your understanding of God's love for you is key in your freedom from performance, perception, and people's acceptance. Here's a wonderful verse to show you what I mean: 

"We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love." 

1 John 4:16-18

If you have truly "come to know and (believe) the love which God has for (you)," you are free. Free from fear - and free to love. By grabbing hold of God's love for you, you become enabled to imitate the pattern of the "holy women" of former times - who did "what is right without being frightened by any fear." (1 Peter 3:5-6) They loved and respected their husbands - regardless of their circumstances - because they were secure in God's favor of them. (verse 5) Besides loving our husbands, resting in assurance of God's love gives us strength to love other people. Much of the focus of 1 John is about love. God's love for us and our love for others: "Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another." (1 John 4:11) If it's been awhile since you've read 1 John, let me encourage you to do it soon.


Finally, knowing and believing that God loves us, helps us in all our struggles. Perhaps one of the greatest benefits is that it allows us to maintain a sense of value in the face of judgement, rejection, or persecution.


An example of this happened to me a few days ago. I was on an internet forum where I was going back and forth with someone who complained that women should not be forced to be "incubators" for babies they do not want. (Not ever a good idea to waste time like this!) Anyway, I was appalled at that kind of talk! When another person joined in and took my opponent's side, however, I admit that my sense of value became threatened. I took it personal. While I knew that God would want me to defend unborn life, I didn't necessarily like being the messenger! Deep down I wanted to be accepted and liked by these people, rather than the object of their scorn. 


Not long afterward, while I was still pouting, the Lord gently reminded me of His love. He led me back to a key verse that's meant a lot to me over the years: "To the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein He hath made us accepted in the beloved." (Ephesians 1:6, emphasis mine) You see, I don't need others' acceptance - I am "accepted in the Beloved," and so are you!

But let's continue on, shall we? I hope you will now allow me to take you on a short "tour" of some New Testament truths. It will consist of a few key verses that may help free you from deriving your value from anything other than Christ:


"He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him." (2 Corinthians 5:21) I encourage you to hang on to the truth of this wonderful verse whenever you feel like you don't measure up. Whenever you perceive that others are looking down on you. I encourage you - let gratitude fill your heart instead! Look at who this verse says you are! You're the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus! 


"Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we would be holy and blameless before Him." (Ephesians 1:4) You were chosen in Christ before the world even began. Whenever you're feeling rejected, let this verse speak to your heart. Others may reject you, but God chose you.


"He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will." (Ephesians 1:5) Okay, are you experiencing a longing to be accepted or liked? Do you want people to notice your wonderful pie, or your beautiful yard, so they think more highly of you? Is your identity wrapped up in anything other than Christ? This verse tells us that we are accepted, that God thinks highly of us, and that being a child of the King is our identity. I hope you find these things very exciting, dear sisters!


"In Him you have been made complete..." (Colossians 2:10) Here's another truth to counter the lie that you are inadequate. That's not what the Bible says!


"For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory." (Colossians 3:3-4) Are you alternately proud of your "accomplishments," but then embarrassed or ashamed when you fail? Let's talk, for example, about that famous pie of yours. Perhaps you swell with pride (admit it - I do!) when everyone begs a second piece, but hang your head when it's less than perfect. Your value was wrapped up in that pie! But here in this verse is an alternative way of thinking: That pie isn't your life; it's not who you are. Rather, Colossians 3:4 says that Christ is your life! Really think about that for a moment... Doesn't that truth make you just want to praise God?!


"For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why he is not ashamed to call them brothers." (Hebrews 2:11) The next time someone is mean to you, tell them (at least in your mind) that they better watch out because you have a big brother! You are sanctified and one with the Lord, therefore He's not ashamed of you.


"No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you." (John 15:15) If it weren't enough to be called a brother or sister of Christ, we're also His friends! Just think - you've got a friend in high places. The Creator of the universe in fact!

So Many More!

Wow, what I didn't realize before I started this blog post is that I could literally go on and on. There are so many verses that demonstrate your worth. (And I didn't even touch the Old Testament!) Let me end this by saying that the best way for you or I to derive our sense of value from the right source - that is, from God - is to get into His Word and look at what He says. Ask God to help you understand who you are. And who you are is rooted entirely in your identity and position in Christ.


Questions and comments are always welcome. I thank God for each one of you. Have a good and Godly week!

Persistence in Prayer

Listening to the radio the other day while doing housework, my attention became riveted on an encouraging message by Cheryl Brodersen. She shared some amazing insights on prayer. As many of you know, my husband and I have been going through a period of dealing with a prodigal child. I have chosen to place my son in the Lord's hands, trusting that He loves him more than I do. I have prayed hour upon hours for him. But still...There's always those times of fleshly weakness, those times of doubt. Are You listening, God? Are You really doing something in my son's life? I don't "see" anything happening!


Certainly God knows just what we need, when we need it. After listening to Cheryl's message I was re-energized to go before the Lord; I had renewed hope. And I am so excited about prayer again! The thing I really came away with is that it's not about how I feel. What I feel, and even what I see, may not be the spiritual reality. An answer to my prayer may simply be delayed. It may be that God is getting things prepared in order to answer that prayer. 


This was the case when the prophet Daniel prayed for understanding. While his prayer was heard immediately (Daniel 9:23), it took three weeks for Daniel to receive the answer (Daniel 10:13). Imagine that in your own life. Three weeks in the midst of a crisis feels like a long time to wait! We want answers now! If we were to just go by our feelings, some of us would lose heart and stop praying. While we read that Daniel "mourned" during this time, he also resolved to fast. But using his time wisely in fasting still could do nothing to hasten the answer. He had to wait. The reason, of course, was due to an unseen battle taking place in the spiritual realm: Satan's forces attempting to thwart the messenger of God.


Interestingly, as believers we are also told in the New Testament, in the Book of Ephesians, that we battle "not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places." (Ephesians 6:12) For this reason we are to put on the full armor of God, described for us later in the chapter. The only piece of armor not listed is shin guards. The ancient Greeks called them "greaves." Now, why is this important? Why does it matter that Paul excluded greaves in his list of armor? I believe he didn't list them to make it obvious that God intends our warfare to be conducted ON OUR KNEES in prayer! Friend, this is a great truth. It is worth meditating on as you consider the importance of your prayer life.


So let me encourage you today. Maybe, just maybe, God is about to move in a big way in your situation. Like Daniel, have confidence that your prayers have been heard: they are before the throne of the Almighty. While you may not immediately "see" the results, you must trust that your prayers are powerful and will accomplish much. The Word of God tells us:


"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. " James 5:16

To listen and download this powerful message entitled "The Path of Prayer," just click on this link. I hope it encourages you as much as it did me!

I'd love to know what you think of the message after you've listened. It'd be great to get a discussion going about prayer. It's one of my favorite subjects! Maybe you have a testimony of answered prayer that you like to share? Please leave that in the comments section if you'd like.

Hope you have a good week as you keep your eyes fixed on Jesus!

Voddie Baucham, Pastor of Grace Family Baptist Church and Homeschool Leader, Endorses Ron Paul

I am a fan of Voddie Baucham and, honestly, of Ron Paul, too. While I don't want to turn this blog into a political forum, I ask you to please consider clicking on the link to read Pastor Baucham's excellent article entitled, Why Ron Paul? I hope not too many of you will be upset with me for sharing this here. However, I passionately feel that Dr. Paul is the only true conservative in the upcoming elections, and also the one who truly supports and defends Israel's sovereignty!

Acceptance: The Golden Key to Respecting Our Husband

"So then we pursue the things which make for peace and the building up of one another." Romans 14:19

In my blog post entitled Does Your Husband Need to Change? I explored the issue of trying to change our husbands. I explained how the root of it is discontentment. Additionally, if we're honest we'll find that discontentment is oftentimes accompanied by an unconscious feeling that we deserve better. 

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I also talked about the various ways we attempt to change our husband. I showed you how all these things damage our relationships - not just with our husband, but with God as well. It puts a "sin wedge" between us and God; and it puts up walls between us and our spouse.


Now, the good news is that we, as wives, are not powerless, nor is our situation hopeless. Indeed we have been given the sure promise of God that we have incredible influence over our husband when our heart's desire is to trust Him, and Him alone. This, of course, comes from my favorite "go to" passage for wives: 1 Peter 3. I even sometimes think that this blog has become my own commentary on 1 Peter 3! I love it because it's loaded with wisdom for the challenges we face as women today.


There is much we can do to encourage our husband to want to become a better man - all without the usual strong-armed tactics on our part. But before we get to that, however, I think we should talk about behavior a husband may display that truly should be considered unacceptable. These are much more than "idiosyncrasies," quirks, annoying habits, or even hurtful things your husband may do as a defensive measure. Rather, unacceptable behavior includes things which fall into two main categories: adultery and abuse. Such things should not be tolerated and must be dealt with differently than those ordinary things wives complain about. 


Much has been written on the subject of abuse by people far more knowledgeable than me, so I will not cover that at length here. Instead, if you believe you are in an abusive relationship which would include physical, emotional, or verbal abuse, I would like to refer you to an excellent ministry called Hope for the Heart. By clicking the link to their website I believe you will find tons of Biblical resources to help you deal with your situation.


If, on the other hand, you are facing the challenge and heartbreak of adultery, I encourage you to browse this website for past posts on this subject, including the story of my own marriage. A good place to start is with the post entitled What I've Learned Through My Husband's Affair. From there you may continue through the posts to the present for help on issues such as: finding out about the affair, hurt, trusting God, re-establishing trust in a marriage touched by adultery, forgiveness, and marriage restoration. Please also feel free to contact me personally if you'd like at titus2homemaker@gmail.com. 


And finally, if you are in a marriage where your spouse has left you for another woman, or won't give up his affair partner, please click the link for Rejoice Marriage Ministries in the sidebar to check out their website. I truly believe God led me to that particular ministry during my husband's affair as a means of saving our marriage. I'm sure that you, too, will be very encouraged by their testimony and the resources they have available.

Acceptance - What is it?

First, if your marriage has suffered a lack of acceptance it will come as refreshing as a long, cool drink in a desert when reintroduced. Therefore, please allow me to attempt a definition of acceptance (as it applies to the marriage relationship). I believe it is this: Acceptance is relinquishing control; it is giving your husband freedom to be himself. 

Do you remember when the two of you met? No doubt your husband was your knight-in-shining-armor. He could do no wrong. Not literally, of course. But you were quick to overlook his faults and to look to his better qualities instead. You accepted him.

If you had tried to change your husband when you were courting you probably would never have gotten married. No man wants to marry a "nag." But you didn't nag or harass him. Unconsciously you did what every man wants. You accepted him - faults and all - and he stepped up by aspiring to be the man of your dreams. If I sound a little pollyanna, please forgive me. I certainly realize that life is not a fairy tale but I also encourage you to consider that what I'm saying is more often than not a part of the dynamics of a premarital relationship.

Then the vows are exchanged, the honeymoon over, and reality sets in. Suddenly you realize that your husband isn't so perfect. The weaknesses and faults you had turned a blind eye to (or thought you could live with) have become unbearable, blatant FLAWS! This is when problems usually begin to arise within a marriage. 


In my own it took place within the first year. For some reason my husband's singing started to grate on my nerves. (And he liked to sing a lot!) Unfortunately, I was neither wise nor mature enough at that time to simply laugh it off or overlook it. Instead I made sure he knew that I found his singing annoying! Of course I cringe now as I think back on it. It's sad that I ruined the peace and contentment within our home over something so ridiculous! Furthermore, my behavior began a tragic pattern of criticizing my husband that would encompass nearly every area of his manhood and last for years to come. I was like the foolish woman of Proverbs 14:1. "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands."


On the other hand, some wives, usually those who have had a good example in their mother or sound spiritual training concerning this, will keep quiet about their husband's faults. 

But it must be pointed out that this generally goes two ways: The first wife, while outwardly keeping quiet and trying not to complain much (she has some self-control), inwardly is seething. In her heart she grows increasingly angry as she builds her "case" against her spouse. Unfortunately it will take only a spark to ignite the forest fire of her anger as it constantly smolders just beneath the surface. One spark and she will light into her husband like he's never seen before! 


This woman has fooled herself. She forgets that Jesus said, "You have heard that the ancients were told, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER' and 'Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.' But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court." What He was saying is that if you harbor anger in your heart against someone, it is as if you are committing murder against that person. You see, Jesus's standards are higher than ours. If you fail inwardly, you ultimately fail outwardly, too.


Since what's in the heart manifests itself in some way (Matthew 15:19), you can usually spot these kind of wives. They're the ones to give their husbands the "cold shoulder" or the "silent treatment." They love to punish their husbands in various ways; oftentimes even denying him of sexual intimacy while he's left to figure out why he's in the doghouse.

Now let's consider the second way a wife may demonstrate a quiet spirit. Just like the first wife, this wise lady also keeps her husband's faults to herself. That is where the similarity ends, however. Inwardly these two women are polar opposites. You see, the second wife considers that she is married to a sinner. As Christian missionary and author Elisabeth Elliot used to say - the only kind of man to marry! She accepts that and has realistic expectations of her husband. Furthermore, wife #2 humbly realizes that she, too, is a sinner - in need of grace. Her hearts speaks thus:  Aha! Grace! That's it! As I have received grace so must I give it. 

Look with me if you will at Romans 15:7, "Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God." Note that there is nothing in this verse about us deserving His acceptance. In fact, in another well-known verse from Romans we read that "while we were YET sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) And please also observe from 15:7 that Jesus's acceptance of us brought glory to God. All of this brings me to the most important point: The second wife knows that her gentle, quiet, accepting attitude will bring honor and glory to her Savior's name as she walks in obedience to this command. 

That, I guess, brings us full circle. It brings us to the next practical section I want to share with you. In it we will explore two questions that we should be asking ourselves:

What Can I Do to Show Acceptance? What Difference Will It Make?

Let's say that up until this point you've been like wife #1: You've been complaining about your husband; telling him how he ought to change. You've struggled with his faults and find them difficult to accept. What can you do? 

Here are three suggestions I have for you with an explanation of each:

1. Change Yourself: Okay, simple enough. You can't change your husband but you can change yourself:

• You can change the way you think about your husband and your situation. You CAN learn to see things in a different light. When tempted to think evil of your husband you must remember what the Apostle admonishes us in 2 Corinthians 10:5, "We are destroying speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and we are taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ." So take those angry, accusing thoughts captive! "Put off" wrong thinking; but then don't forget to immediately "put on" (replace it with) right thinking (more about this in point #2). Your outward behavior will undoubtedly change as your heart does. This, in turn, may be all it takes to change your marriage!
• You can humble yourself. This is what our Savior did for us. "He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross." (Philippians 2:8) It is God's heart that we seek to be like Jesus on this earth. Marriage is the perfect environment for that to happen. It challenges and matures us. The first step, then, and key to all other marriage advice I'm going to share, is to put on humility and accept your husband. This means that if you and I are wise we will heed Jesus's command, "...First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye." (Matthew 7:5) You see, there is NO ROOM for self-righteousness between a husband and wife. It will kill the marriage. As Helen Andelin said, "Only with a spirit of humility can we build a successful relationship with another person."

2. Choose to look to "his better side." Even though the phrase "his better side" comes from the book Fascinating Womanhood, it was the Apostle Paul, of course, who first had this insight directly from the Lord. He said, "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." (Philippians 4:8, my emphasis) Notice how he said that we are to think of the things that are "worthy of praise?" By this I think he meant we are to look to others' (in this case our husband's) better side!

A great way to start is by first realizing that there are some things about your husband that may never change. However, dear sister, guess what?! There are things he has to accept about you, as well! Things that may never change. I certainly know that my husband has things that annoy him about me! It's just a fact of life. And hard as it is, we also have to put up with one another's sins and weaknesses. Unless it's one of the specific situations I mentioned above or in Does Your Husband Need to Change? where other action is necessary, I strongly urge you to pray for your husband, but DON"T preach! Cast all your cares on the Lord but don't attempt to be your husband's "holy spirit." That is God's job - not ours.

Second, another practical step you may take is to do a study of Bible characters who experienced difficult circumstances. Perhaps even difficult marriages. (Abigail comes to mind. Her story can be found in 1 Samuel 25.) Take note of the Bible characters' responses to their situations. What right responses did they demonstrate? Some people in the Bible chose to see their circumstances in a better light (not unlike my encouragement to you to look to your husband's better side). 


Then look at the wrong responses they displayed. What were the results of each type of response? Write them all down in a journal and ask the Lord what He wants you to learn from them.

Now I ask you to go back and think through your husband's faults that you must accept. Yes, I am encouraging you to do this - go ahead! Take it even further and actually write down each one in a permanent place such as the journal I mentioned above, or a notebook. List every single thing you can think of. It may take some time but please be thorough. In my case, one of the things I thought about is how I viewed my husband as a bit cheap. (Even his own family thinks that!) So down it went on my list! 


Now, be sure to add to your list from time to time as any new flaws, annoying habits, or quirks come to mind. However, here's what I want you to do each time you do add something: Either by using a different-colored ink, or mentally imagining yourself, write the word "ACCEPTED" over each one. I personally think the act of physically doing this is a far better reminder than imagining and so that's what I've done. If you are one of those ladies who enjoys stamping you may even like to use individual letter stamps to stamp "ACCEPTED" right over the top of each fault.

Furthermore, while you're learning to accept your husband as he is, also be sure to write down his good qualities. This is his "better side" that I've been talking about. If you choose (remember - how you think is a CHOICE) to consistently look past his faults and look to his virtues instead, you will be amazed at how your attitude improves and feelings of love and respect are rekindled. Remember again Paul's command from Philippians 4: "If anything worthy of praise, DWELL ON (THIS) THING!"


Finally, the last thing I'm going to mention that will train and enable you to look to your husband's better side is to look beneath his faults for underlying virtues. For example, a minute ago I mentioned how I had considered Aaron to be a cheapskate. In retraining my mind - Paul called this process becoming "renewed in the spirit of our minds" (Ephesians 4:23) - I decided I could look at things differently. I became aware of the "virtue" beneath the fault. That is, my husband is an excellent manager of our income and resources. He has done very well with the money God has given us and thus we have a comfortable home that is nearly paid for, and a sizable retirement savings. He is not cheap, but rather frugal and careful. Today I look at my husband in a new light and with a fresh perspective. In fact, I smile when I consider how he is taking such good care of our family! In my next post, where I will discuss admiration, I will explain this entire concept a little further.

3. Let God do the changing. While I briefly referred to this above, I want to add to it here. For starters, if we're honest we wives know that we can't change our husbands. Changing him, though, was never meant to be a part of our wifely "job description." Instead we should be asking: If changing my husband is not my job, then what is?!

In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. 1 Peter 3:1-2

Do you see? I know I say this a lot! But your respectful behavior (acceptance being the first and foremost trait) will move your husband toward the Lord - and toward you!! If you feel your husband neglects you for sports or some other hobby, doesn't listen to you, leaves all the child-training to you, continually is inconsiderate - or what ever it is - you can still display unconditional respect toward him. Remember, "unconditional" means that it isn't necessarily "earned;" but is given because you understand and apply God's Word! 


Your respect is beautiful and dignified. It results from having a humble and submissive spirit which you have been cultivating as you focus on changing yourself. Your respect is also very convicting to your man. Consider these remarkable words by Emerson and Sarah Eggerichs, authors of Love and Respect: 


"We firmly believe every husband is convicted by a wife's unconditional respect. This is God's revelation to Peter (1 Peter 3:1-2) and God will honor His own instruction. Those husbands who have sinned against their wives, God will convict... A wife who follows Jesus must take this by faith. As she does the respecting, God does the shaming. Only the believing wife will trust in this. The Christ-follower will believe in the convicting power of God's Spirit (John 16:8)."


So going back to our second question above, "What difference will it (acceptance) make?" I hope the answer is becoming increasingly clear. Acceptance, the first and foremost virtue needed by a wife to truly show respect to her husband, will reap rewards. Your husband will feel free to be himself but encouraged by your respect to become a better man.


In closing I wish to quote a testimonial from Fascinating Womanhood with regards to acceptance:


"I have a wonderful husband but he has some habits I disapproved of, especially his use of tobacco. I always insisted he go into the cellar to smoke even though I accepted this habit in him when we were married. After learning the principle of acceptance, I realized how awful I had been. When he came home that night I confessed my feelings, asking forgiveness for the terrible way I had treated him, and told him that I accepted him as he is. My husband was so tenderly touched that he cried. Later that evening he told me that he loved me for the first time in two years and he slept with his arm around me all night."


I hope you were encouraged by what this lady said! It's exciting to think about the possibilities sisters! Besides the benefits to our husbands, acceptance will reward us, and indirectly, our children as well. God will be glorified in our homes.


I am anxious to put this post up and am going to do so now without a lot of "proof-reading" first. Please excuse any careless or silly mistakes! I'll be back over the weekend to tweak it some, but in the meantime you may find some errors. It's just that I feel an urgency to publish this now for some reason.


Your comments, as always, are welcome. I apologize to Karin whose lovely comment earlier this week was accidentally deleted by yours truly!


Please go in peace my friends!

The Butterfly Circus/ Encouragement for Struggling Believers

I am still here... just not writing much these days. We're continuing to have some real challenges with our son. I've been too tired to do anything beyond the everyday stuff that needs to get done! Have you ever been there? If so you can relate.

But God is faithful. As I just told a precious sister yesterday, He knows the beginning from the end. Our son is in His hands. Your situation, whatever it is, is in God's hands! I have a feeling someone reading this needs encouragement today so let me share two things: 

1.) Don't isolate yourself. If you're facing a battle in your life you need AN ARMY! You need sisters and brothers who will fight with you and storm the gates of hell in prayer. Don't allow the enemy to convince you that you should face it alone. Forget the lie that says you would be a bother to others. My dear friend - that's what the body of Christ is for. To bear one another's burdens! 

Look with me at what the Apostle Paul admonished believers: "Bear one another's burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2) Did you notice the last part of that verse? "Thereby fulfill the law of Christ." This means that when you ask another Christian to pray for you, you are actually helping them! How am I doing that? you might ask. You are helping them to mature and grow in Christ-likeness! You are helping that person to "fulfill the law of Christ." Have you ever thought of it that way? If not then I ask you to "chew" on that a bit. What a wonderful truth it is! Praying for one another is an absolute privilege. Right now I am praying for a dear reader and I count it a joy! So, please, if you're going through something, don't isolate. Instead seek prayer and counsel from other believers.

2.) Trust God yet ask Him for the grace to see a "glimpse" of what He's doing through your situation. What I mean is this: We can only see the past and the present (and even then we don't always see clearly). We certainly cannot see what's around the corner. In fact, you might compare our present reality to paddling a boat down a river. We can take in all the scenery as we pass by, but we are never able to see around the next bend. 

Furthermore, on some days we paddle in calm waters, and on others we go through nothing but rapids. And yet, in calm waters or rapids, in neither can we see what's just ahead. But I wonder: Why is it we tend to only fret about what lies ahead when we're in the midst of rapids? When things are going our way - when the water is placid, the scenery beautiful - all is good and we have a sense of peace. Hey - we're trusting God! 

But the minute the waters begin to churn....? Oftentimes when that happens we turn to self-comfort and our own (limited) understanding of things.

Friend, let me suggest another perspective for you. Consider this: While you and I are paddling downriver, only seeing what is around us, God is above - like an eagle. He has excellent eyesight to see the whole picture! Rather than merely having our "linear" perspective, He sees around the next bend in the river. But, even better than the eagle, God's "eyesight" is so keen that He's also able to see the end of all things. 


It's easy to forget this when you're hurting and you want easy answers. But His promise to you is to not only "work all things together for good" (Romans 8:28), but to also work "all things after the counsel of His will." (Ephesians 1:11) This means that not only is our God all-knowing, but that He in His wisdom actually allows the trials we face to come into our lives. They are trials "with a purpose." His purpose. Dear sister, trust that not only is the Lord sovereign, but that He is also loving. Remember, the Word tells us that He actually IS love. He would never do or allow anything to destroy you. That is what the enemy wants to do. (John 10:10) God will only prune you (John 15:2) - which may hurt - but He intends it for your growth and fruit-bearing. You can trust your heavenly Father's heart.

Finally, let me say that this is what the Lord did in my life. Though my husband's adultery was one of the most painful things I've ever experienced, it has brought about tremendous blessings in the end. My relationship with Jesus is deeper and more intimate than ever. I also have a strong marriage today because of the things God taught me in the process of restoring it. In some ways, strange as it is to say this, my husband's affair was probably the best thing to happen to us. So although you may not be able to see the "end" of your trial right now, ask God for hope. Ask Him to give you a peek into what He's currently doing in your life. Pray for the grace to believe that what the devil intends for evil, God intends for good. I believe He will give you the reassurance you desire.

Here are two verses that I hope will encourage you in these truths:

"It is good for me that I was afflicted, That I may learn Your statutes." Psalm 119:67

"Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13

Finally, for the rest of my readers, I want to share the following short film with you. It's truly amazing! I was so blessed by it that I felt I needed to post it here. I have been a "fan" of Nick Vujicic for some time and it was great to see that he is a fine actor as well!

Please come back to comment if you get a chance. I'd love to hear what you think. May you grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ this week!

The Butterfly Circus - HD from The Butterfly Circus on Vimeo.