"Lord, help me smile at my husband right now," I prayed inwardly as I saw Aaron coming toward me. "I'm weak and I literally don't have the strength to do it on my own, so please give me one - a Jesus smile." He was still a ways off so I had a little time before I needed to flash him my most brilliant, most admiring smile. After the irritable, harsh way he had treated me earlier it had to be the Lord's strength or not at all. "Oh, and Father, please let it touch his heart too," I added quickly. It really had to be my best smile, the one that communicates something to him that words can't express, the smile that I always jokingly tell him is reserved "just for him."
So did I feel like being the one to humble myself? No way! In fact, as far as I could recall, I had done nothing to offend him that day. Have I always been this way - willing to overlook, willing to show respect whether he changed his behavior or not? The answer would have to be a resounding NO! In fact, it really wasn't all that long ago that I would have held on to the hurt I was feeling and made him pay for it. Or pouted long enough to make him feel bad by displaying downcast eyes and a long face; a tactic, by the way, which never worked. But praise God that He is ever patient with us and teaches us the things we need to know, when we really need to know it.
Now, all this would seem perhaps trivial if I were simply another wife who has a sometimes grumpy husband and I'd learned a thing or two about dealing with him; but maybe it would change your mind if I told you that only a year ago (no, a little less - it was June) I found out my husband was having an affair. It was an event that left my children and I feeling that the world was somehow spinning out of control. That Aaron and I are even together now is a miracle. But God's like that. He does things BIG so that we can take none of the credit.
Well, that leads me to what's on my heart. I hope to be able to reach out to even one dear sister in the Lord who's struggling with issues in her marriage or her personal life. Maybe we share some of the same experiences. Mine are certainly varied. Painful times that have either been out of my control, or sadly, brought on by my own deep wanderings into sin. I'm anxious to share the details of them with you through Oil of His Grace and the way God's grace has brought me through them and is enabling me to "Comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which (I myself am) comforted by God," 2 Corinthians 1:4.
I feel so blessed to finally write a blog. For some time now I've felt that the Lord was telling me that He didn't bring me through all these different trials just to keep the wonderful things He has done for me, and the things I've learned, to myself. And so, that's the purpose of my blog - to share what wisdom the Lord has allowed me to gain in each set of circumstances, and encourage you along the way. I want to show how Jesus is central to everything.
Adultery just happens to be the most recent trial in my life. It doesn't define me (a wife whose husband has been unfaithful) - it can't, because my life is hidden with Christ in God. In fact, my life has become richer, more full of God because of the experience and the subsequent grace that's flooded over me. That's just what grace does though. It gives us more of Him! So can I smile at my husband even when he doesn't "deserve it?" Of course I can, because it's a Jesus smile. A smile given to an imperfect husband, by an imperfect wife, through the strength God supplies, so that He may be glorified. (1 Peter 4:11)
I'm glad you stopped by! Please stay tuned - in my next post I want to tell you a little bit more about myself. It's funny - I didn't think about it until I was ready to start this blog, but the three "major" trials I've gone through all begin with the letter 'A.' Okay, to be fair, I've got a couple other significant ones to throw in there (and they don't start with 'A'), so I'll be touching on those too. As I said before, my goal is to point women to Christ. Through my story I'll weave in the ways God demonstrated His faithfulness, and how He REDEEMED those situations for His glory. Whether we share similar stories is not what's important; what is important is that suffering, in whatever form, is common to us all. He alone is sufficient. His grace is sufficient too. Until next time then, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:13)
