Wise Men and a Wise Woman

Before getting back to the topic of prayer, I wanted to share a little Christmas thought with you that's been on my heart these last few days. In thinking about the wise men that came to worship the young Child, Jesus, I also pondered the wise woman of Proverbs 14:1, "The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands."

Now, while there are a couple other places in the Bible where a wise woman is mentioned, I don't think anywhere else may we find such a beautiful, albeit brief, glance of the wise woman within the confines of her God-given domain - the home. Even though I've written about her before, I think she is worth looking at again. Perhaps especially since, just after Christmas Day, many of us will be busying ourselves with making resolutions for the New Year.

So, as we come to worship Jesus at the Advent of His birth, what is it about this wise woman that the Bible should mention her? How may we be like her in order to come before Him in a pleasing way? In studying the whole counsel of Scripture I observe three things in which a wise woman excels. And I believe we would do well if, we too, would strive in these areas. 

A Wise Woman Builds Her House By:

1. Respecting/ Honoring Her Husband
            
     A wise woman respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33). This means she accepts, admires, and appreciates him. She doesn't try to change him, but is thankful for the man that he is. She tells him so. So maybe he doesn't always make the wisest decisions, or perhaps he's just a slob - but she married him for better or for worse and she accepts him as he is - a sinner, the only kind of man to marry. She chooses to look to his finer side and focuses on that, reminding him often of the things she admires about him.
     She also honors his leadership and teaches the children to do the same. She accepts the God-given order of authority and is glad that the buck stops with her husband. Since he is responsible before the Lord, she has no need for worry. Letting go of the reigns frees her to concentrate on serving her family and doing well at her domestic duties. Additionally, as a reward, a wise woman earns the respect of her husband and becomes his most trusted confidant and advisor. In this supporting role she is satisfied with her life.
     Finally, she is a sympathetic and understanding wife. This is the opposite of a selfish and demanding wife. Thus, the wise woman understands that her husband's job is a heavy responsibility and must sometimes take priority over the family. When he's late, she keeps his dinner warm and is there to greet him with a welcoming smile and encouraging words. To her glory, the godly wife knows that her man may be out of sorts from time to time and so she develops a thick skin and learns to overlook his small transgressions. All in all, she is a woman who is clothed with strength and dignity. (Proverbs 31:25)

2. Loving Her Children

     The wise woman builds a wall of protection and security around her children by being affectionate, caring, and concerned. She looks to their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. If she did not have good parental role models herself she studies and learns from other godly mothers, as well as searches the Scriptures for insight.
     Additionally, the woman of this caliber does not neglect her children in favor of her own career, goals, desires, and plans. Rather she sees her time as a wise investment in the hearts and lives of the precious ones entrusted to her care. A wise woman does not resent having children, but believes the Scripture that says that children are a heritage of the Lord, and His reward. (Psalm 127:3)
    To her, each of her children is a unique individual - fashioned by the hand of God. As she takes time to get to know them, she appreciates them for who they are. She works to understand them, what makes them "tick," and seeks to provide what each of them needs. Her heart is to train them in the ways of the Lord. Even while she's loving and gentle, she also knows she must discipline them, when necessary, for their own good.
     Finally, she is the center of the family's home life and makes it warm, accepting, and joyous. Her children adore her; in fact, they arise up and call her blessed. (Proverbs 31:28)

3. Building Her Relationship With The Lord

     "Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it..." (Psalm 127:1) Her relationship with the Lord is her number one priority. She understands that knowing Him more and more is the most important thing; it will result in her being a better wife and mother. In order to do this, she rises early to spend time with the Lord. Rather than "winging it," she makes a spiritual growth plan and diligently works on it.
     The wise woman is humble and allows the Lord to search her heart and show her where she needs changing. However, since she is wise, she also realizes that she cannot rely on her own strength or understanding (Proverbs 3:5-7) to do it, but instead trusts the Lord to provide it for her.
     Lastly, a godly woman views each day as a gift from the Lord. She doesn't complain or whine, but thanks her Father for each and every thing, good or bad, He sends her way - knowing that He has her best interest at heart. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) She is at peace because she rests in the Lord.

God's presence to you all this Christmas and His blessings on the New Year!

Scripture Prayer for Marriages in Trouble or Recovery

"He sent His word and healed them,

 And delivered them from their destructions." Psalm 107:20

God's Word is so powerful! And praying it is a wonderful way to grow in your prayer life and deepen your walk with Jesus. What's more, your faith will increase as you experience the blessing of answered prayers. So no matter what your battle is right now - troubled marriage, an adulterous spouse, or perhaps a spouse who has left the home - God's Word has an answer for each of these problems. It is absolutely loaded with timely wisdom and the precious words of those saints of old who have gone before us; many who faced the same giants we face today. Have confidence that the Word of God is powerful, and that by it you can STAND IN THE GAP on behalf of your marriage!

As promised, in this post I'll share my (ever-growing) list of Scriptures that I have prayed, or continue to pray, for my marriage, my husband, and/or myself as wife and mother. I say continue to pray because, until the day the Lord calls me home, I have determined that I will never "relax" or stop praying earnestly because the Bible tells us that we are to "Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) I can think of no better way to "be on the alert" than in prayer. (Mark 13:33; Luke 21:36; Col. 4:2) Because the list is extensive, I'm not going to group each one  for you, but rather will tell you that each Scripture verse or passage falls into one or more of the following categories:

• Marriage/ Husband and Wife Relationship
• Adulterer's/ Abandoning Spouse's Repentance, Spiritual Growth, Deliverance, Identity in Christ, Knowing & Understanding the Truth, and Protection
• Yourself (as Wife)
• Children

As you look them up you can decide:
1) If the reference is relevant to your situation
2) If it is, for whom or for what particular situation you will pray it

Many of the verses or passages were ones that were particular to the time of my husband's affair, or during the early days of our marriage reconciliation. These I no longer pray for my own marriage, but I pray them as I become aware of other marriages facing the heartache of infidelity. The Bible tells us that as Christians we have a duty to bear the burdens of others and lift their struggles before the Throne of Grace. (Gal. 6:2) 

Another thing I will tell you. Many of the verses have a similar theme and often I will pray them together. Sort of like cross-reference praying! Let me share an example with you, while at the same time demonstrate how to use Scripture to form a prayer. My husband, throughout his Christian walk, has often struggled with really believing that God  loves him and is pleased with him. So when I pray that he might better understand God's love, I say: "Lord, I ask that You would pour out Your love within Aaron's heart. I pray that he would come to know and believe the love which You have for him and that, by this, love would be perfected in him. Please let perfect love cast out all fear." (Romans 5:5; 1 John 4:16-18;) "Deliver him now from a spirit of fear - and instead fill him with power, love, and a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7) "And Father, finally I ask You to direct his heart into the love of God and the steadfastness of Christ." (2 Thessalonians 3:5)

Perhaps, if you've been here awhile, you'll also recall that along with the struggle to understand God's love, Aaron also grew up in a church that did not fully teach about God's grace. In the past he seemed to feel as if he somehow needed to do something to "maintain" his salvation. He was never able to simply rest in the Lord, and His finished work. (I wrote about this in a post entitled Understanding Grace and Our Identity in Christ.) To counter this, the Lord specifically gave me two verses which I still pray daily since understanding God's grace is something we must learn over a lifetime! The prayer goes something like this: "Lord, I pray that you would (continue to) cause Aaron to understand the grace of God in truth." (Col. 1:6) "Additionally, please allow his heart to be established with grace." (Hebrews 13:9)

The Full Armor of God

Lastly, before the list, I feel that I should mention one passage of Scripture specifically because of its absolute importance. I implore you to daily pray the full armor of God, as described in Ephesians 6, on both you and your spouse. I do not get up from my knees each morning until this is done. Charlyne Steinkamp, whom I've mentioned before as a wonderful inspiration to those who are "standing," says, "As faithful as Bob might be today to me and to our marriage, as well as to the Lord, I will continue to pray the armor of God on us and a hedge of protection around him in this area (adultery) until the Lord calls one of us home."

One of the neatest things you can do with this is when you go through each piece of the armor - for example, loins girded with truth - is to incorporate other verses that speak of truth, like John 8:32 or John 17:17, into your prayer. Doing this will help you to cover each area mentioned in Ephesians 6, while truly helping you to develop your own "cross-reference system." I believe your hunger for the Word will increase as you're challenged to find more and more verses related to each piece of armor.

Prayer Scriptures

All that said, here's my list of Scripture verses and passages. Although some of them will be in the form of a prayer, such as some of Paul's prayers recorded for us in the epistles, please remember that most will not, and therefore you may need to "reword" them a bit. May I emphasize that praying through the Scriptures is a means by which we may come to be in union with the heart of God; it should not, however, become an empty religious exercise of merely reciting the Bible.

2 Chronicles 20:12,15-17
Nehemiah 1:5-9
Job 33:14-18
Psalm1; Psalm 15; Psalm 19:7-14; Psalm 25; Psalm 34:8-14,19; Psalm 35; Psalm 37:7-15; Psalm 40:1-3,8; Psalm 43:3; Psalm 46:1-3,10; Psalm 51; Psalm 57; Psalm 63; Psalm 71; Psalm 86:11-13; Psalm 92:12-15; Psalm 107:20; Psalm 119:11,105,133; Psalm 126; Psalm 127a; Psalm 143 (really there's many more from the Psalms so I would suggest that you peruse them and write down ones that express your own heart towards God)
Proverbs 2:10-17; 3:1-13; 31:10-31
Isaiah 40:31; 46:10b; 52:1; 57:15-19; 59:19; 61:3
Jeremiah 24:6-7; 32:17
Ezekiel 22:30; 36:25-27; 37:23
Hosea 14:4-6
Micah 6:8
Malachi 4:6
Matthew 6:33
Luke 2:79
John 1:12; 8:32; 12:24; 15:1-17; 17:17
Acts 26:18 (an excellent prayer if you're not sure about your husband's salvation)
Romans 5:5; 6:11-14; 8:15; 12:1-2,9-21; 15:5-7,13 (Verse 13 is a perfect prayer for someone who struggles with assurance of their salvation)
1 Corinthians 2:16; 13:4-7
2 Corinthians  3:14-18; 4:6; 5:7,17; 7:1,10
Galatians 4:5-7
Ephesians 1:2-3; 1:17-19; 3:16-20; 4:22-27,32; 5:33; **6:10-17
Philippians 1:6; 2:2-5,12-13; 4:6-8
Colossians 1:5-6,9-14,23; 2:2-15
1 Thessalonians 1:5; 3:12; 5:23
2 Thessalonians 1:3,11-12; 3:4-5
1 Timothy 2:4; 6:11-12
2 Timothy 1:7; 2:22,25-26
Hebrews 4:15-16; 10:19-25; 13:9,20-21
James 4:7; 5:16,19-20
1 Peter 3:1-6; 4:8,11
2 Peter 1:3-9
1 John 1:9; 4:16-17

Now, while this list is quite long, please know that I don't pray every single one of these passages each day. Some I no longer pray because they're no longer relevant. Some passages are similar, so I pray one or the other. Others express a need that is not urgent today and so I skip that. I really do pray what's on my heart each morning - and throughout the day - and so I don't get hung up on praying through a list. These Scriptures just happen to be the "backbone" of my prayers and enable me to better convey my requests as I seek the face of God.

As much as I'd like to continue, I have to tell you that right now I feel like I should publish this post today, and save my answered prayers for the next one! It just seems like that should be its own post. 

Friend, please know that I pray for all the readers here. I pray that this week the Lord will fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

If you are visiting today because your spouse is having or has had an affair, please click on this link to take you to the first article I wrote on 8/27/10 about my own experiences entitled, What I've Learned Through My Husband's Affair. From there to the present are many more helpful posts for those going through the trial of adultery that include such topics as: forgiveness (6 posts); regaining trust; prayer; and others. You may wish to use the Blog Archive in the sidebar to navigate forward from the above post through the articles that seem relevant to you.


I also am available to talk privately with anyone who needs that as well. I have counseled a number of women and would love to visit with you! You may reach me by email at titus2homemaker@gmail.com. I'm glad you stopped by!

Prayer That Avails Much

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." James 5:16

Last time I wrote about prayer I sort of left things hanging. I asked how Andrew Murray, author of "With Christ in the School of Prayer," could say that the Father will do the "will of the child in union with Himself?" At first this seems to us too presumptuous a statement. So then, let's explore this a little further to see if we can understand what he meant; while I also tell you about the last essential ingredient to praying effectually. To discover the answer to both these things, I'll turn to John 15:7, "If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you." Let me point out that two things stand out in this verse: 1) The words, "If ye abide in me," and 2) That the promise and its conditions are inseparable.

So what does this mean for us? What is it we must do, what condition must we meet, in order for our prayers to be answered? Simply put, we must be totally sold-out to Christ. We must truly die to ourselves. His glory, and His alone, should be our passion and lifeblood. In another passage of his book Andrew Murray said, "It is Christ whom the Father always hears; God is in Christ, and can only be reached by being in Him; to be IN HIM is the way to have our prayer heard; fully and wholly ABIDING IN HIM, we have the right to ask whatsoever we will, and the promise that it shall be done unto us." 

Am I abiding "fully and wholly in Him?" Are you? Mr. Murray goes on to preach a very convicting "sermon" in the next paragraph concerning this, which I will quote in full:

"When we compare this promise with the experiences of most believers, we are startled by a terrible discrepancy. Who can number up the countless prayers that rise and bring no answer? The cause must be either that we do not fulfill the condition, or God does not fulfill the promise. Believers are not willing to admit either, and therefore have devised a way of escape from dilemma. They put into the promise the qualifying clause our Savior did not put there - if it be God's will; And so maintain both God's integrity and their own. O if they did but accept it and hold it fast as it stands, trusting to Christ to vindicate His truth, how God's Spirit would lead them to see the Divine propriety of such a promise to those who really abide in Christ in the sense in which he means it, and to confess that the failure in the fulfilling condition is the one sufficient explanation of unanswered prayer. And how the Holy Spirit would then make our feebleness in prayer one of the mightiest motives to urge us on to discover the secret and obtain the blessing of full abiding in Christ."

I hope that you're stirred, as I was when I first read it, to examine your heart to see whether these things be true. To be honest, I think that as I was forced to look at my own faults and actions that may have led to my husband having an affair, it also helped me reflect on the question of whether I had been truly abiding in Christ. If you're facing this situation right now, please know that although painful, this trial can be used of God to get you right where He wants you to be! That will be a blessing, as well as the gateway to answered prayer. However, this is not my promise to you, but rather the way of our faithful Creator!

With that, it's time to look at one of the most effective ways to "stand in the gap" for your marriage. In my own experience, over a period of many months, the Lord led me to do this by teaching me to pray Scripture - for both my wayward husband and my relationship with him.

At first it started out "small." I'd be reading the Bible, searching for answers to my troubles, when a verse or passage would jump out at me. Having practiced the discipline of keeping a prayer journal for years, I'd jot down the reference, or sometimes the entire verse, and feel impressed to pray it. Now, when I say "pray it" (the Scripture) what I mean is taking a verse or passage and wording it into the form of a prayer. For example, Ephesians 4:20-24 becomes a prayer that goes like this: "Lord, I pray that Aaron would learn Christ, hear Him, and be taught in Him. I ask that as truth is in Jesus, so it would also be in Aaron. I pray that in reference to his former manner of life, he would lay aside the old man which is being corrupted in accordance with the lusts of deceit, and that he'd be renewed in the spirit of his mind. Furthermore, Lord, I pray that he'll put on the new man which in the likeness of You has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth." The more immersed in God's Word I became, the more verses I was writing down until I finally I decided to compile all the verses onto one page and add to it from there. I didn't just pick one a day either - I'd pray them all!

By necessity this led to another thing that happened. Having all these passages to pray took time; because of this, my prayer life grew richer and fuller as I spent increasing amounts of time talking with God. I found that it no longer seemed difficult to find things to say in prayer, just to "fill up the time." For the first time I was getting up early to pray because I really wanted to and felt genuinely compelled to.

Additionally, I'd like to share other benefits to praying the Scriptures for your marriage, and how they'll enable you to take a stand as never before!

1. Helps you to pray according to God's Will: "This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us. And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him." (1 John 5:14-15) When we pray God's Word we can have confidence that we are praying "according to His will" and will have the thing we ask for. His will is revealed throughout His Word. It's as if through praying it we come to be "in tune" with His very heart. Let me give you an example of what I mean: If I ask God to make me a "1 Peter 3 wife" (which you've heard me mention a number of times here) - that is, submissive, chaste, and respectful - I can be sure that He will do it because it's His promise to wives that they may be the means to win their disobedient husbands back to Him.

Another such verse that gives us boldness to pray is the verse following the ones above: "If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask and God will for him give life to those who commit sin not leading to death." (1 John 5:16) Here again we have a promise. If we pray on the basis of this promise, and therefore pray according to God's will, we can know that our request will be granted to us. While I plan to share my list of Scriptures that I've prayed (or continue to pray) with you, I encourage you to search the Bible to discover verses and passages that will be relevant to you and your situation. To demonstrate and wrap up this point, allow me to quote from Andrew Murray once more: "In the Word the Father has revealed in general promises the great principles of His will with His people. The child has to take the promise and apply it to the special circumstances in his life to which it has reference... In His Word, God has given us the revelation of His will and plans with us, with His people, and with the world, with the most precious promises of the grace and power with which through His people He will carry out His plans and do His work." 

2. Helps you to memorize large amounts of Scripture: For me this has been one of the neatest inevitable outcomes of praying the Word. Really it's been incredible how much Scripture I've memorized because I've prayed it over and over. A funny thing happened, in fact, on Thanksgiving Day last week in relation to this! My father in-law was leading our entire family in devotions and asked my husband to read Proverbs 3:1-12 for us. Right away in my own mind I piped up because I pray that all the time! While he was reading I recited it along with him in my heart.

After some time of praying through the Scriptures, you too, will praise God for how many Bible verses you're able to pray - without even opening your Bible! Remember, this is not so we can pat ourselves on the back, but rather so that we may be better equipped as believers. As the Word goes deeper within you, you'll find yourself surrendering to God's will more and more and entering into a closer and more intimate union with Christ. Thus, as a result, you'll be better enabled to "fight" for your marriage. (John 15:3; James 4:7; Ephesians 6:2)

3. Develops perseverance in prayer: "Then Jesus told his disciples a parable to show them that they should always pray and not give up... And the Lord said, 'Listen to what the unjust judge says. And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? Will he keep putting them off? I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly. However, when the Son of Man comes, will he find faith on the earth?'" The problem with us is that we sometimes give up too soon. We pray and the answer doesn't come. Then we get discouraged, and may even stop praying. However, may I suggest that praying the Scripture also helps us to overcome this tendency as well. The reason for this seems to be that having that tangible list of verses, written out before us, acts as a daily reminder of what we are to pray. It keeps us "on track," if you will. It also serves as an encouragement in why we are to pray; this especially true if many of the verses are ones that the Lord personally laid on your heart.

In the many dark days following my husband's disclosure, as my list of Scriptures grew, there were times when I felt like losing heart. However, through confidence in the faithfulness and justice of my Heavenly Father, I persistently kept praying through those verses. Although it was tempting to "listen" to my feelings, I disciplined myself to not be carried away by them. Thank the Lord also for godly accountability partners who reminded me often that my faith was not in myself, not in human thoughts or possibilities, but in the Word of the living God.

Tonight I'm running out of time to be able to share my list of Scriptures. My children are waiting for me so we can read our exciting Advent storybook together. Next time though, Lord willing, I'll post it here. I'll also give some personal examples of how God has answered my prayers. In the meantime, I hope to hear from someone who may have their own list as well! I'd love to hear about it!