"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." Psalm 119:105
Prayer journal dated 5-1-10:
"Aaron is changing so much! It's all the Lord's doing. Last week Aaron shared with me how God had used John chapters 1&3 to open his eyes to really understand that we have no part in getting saved - that it's all God, as He does the drawing. Apart from Him we would have no interest in the things of God. This realization has finally given him assurance of his salvation.
Then, just the other night, we had a great phone conversation while he was on his way to a meeting. He said that before he didn't really feel like obeying God because he wasn't sure it would matter, especially if he wasn't even saved. He explained how all that is changing now and wondered how many others there are who grew up like him, fearing they weren't saved or could lose their salvation, and who don't really understand the grace of God. Then he laughed and said, 'I guess I'm a late bloomer!' "
Hi there, friend. I hope this finds you rejoicing in God's blessings as we begin another new year. Today, when I had a little time in the car as I was coming home from a doctor's appointment, I realized I actually had tears in my eyes as I meditated on the Lord's faithfulness and His work in our lives and our marriage. In a strange way it was sort of sad to see 2010 come to an end because of the amazing changes and growth that took place in us over that twelve month period. As if echoing my sentiments my husband said suddenly to me the other day, "You know, you and I had a great year last year."
Well, of course, we didn't just get to that place by wishful thinking! Honestly I know it was because of an awakened passion for prayer that we were able to experience the victories we did. The battle always begins on our knees. And so, in this post, I will highlight some of the main areas of answered prayer, beyond my husband's repentance, that the Lord has graciously granted.
...That (he) May Come to His Senses
I shared last time about the way the Lord, in His amazing timing, brought my husband to repentance. What I didn't tell you was that it was literally the eleventh hour. You see, even though I had finally committed myself to the idea of loving Aaron unconditionally, and even "standing" unconditionally for my marriage, when I discovered that he was sneaking around with the other woman a second time, I thought I had failed and my efforts were useless. I was confused and questioned why I had ever thought to do those things in the first place. "What use is there in staying in this marriage if he still wants her after all I've done?" I asked myself. It was a Friday afternoon and I figured that on Monday morning I would have to call the lawyer. I went to meet my friend for coffee, but that felt hopeless and useless, too.
Now a strange thing happened while I was at the restaurant pouring my heart out to my friend, Rachel. She and I both felt a strong prompting to agree together in prayer. We had talked, now the only thing to do was pray. The best way I can describe those moments is to say that they were desperate - like being sucked down but trying to keep your head above the water. What she and I didn't know was that at the exact time we were praying, God In His mercy was bringing my husband to repentance.
Now, I tell you all this: 1) To be honest! I hope I have never have given the impression that I did everything right. I made plenty of mistakes and sinned a great deal along the way. In this case, at this critical junction, I failed to truly be committed to my marriage unconditionally. Ultimately, however, I failed to trust God with my marriage. 2) To show that my husband really had lost his senses like what is referred to in 2 Timothy 2:26 since at the time he was willing to risk losing his marriage, and his family, for a woman the Bible would call a harlot.
But that's not all! Aaron's whole worldview was crazily skewed through the influence of this woman. I wish I could say that at the moment he repented all his manner of thinking was straightened out and went back to the way it had been. It didn't. But through the months that followed I continued to pray the second half of the "prayer" from 2 Timothy 2:25-26: "Lord, please let him now come to his senses and (completely) escape the snare of the devil, for he's been taken captive by Satan to do his will." I would continue from Colossians 1:13, "For Your glory won't You please also rescue him from the domain of darkness and transfer him to the kingdom of Your Beloved Son?"
Now, my problem is how to communicate to you all the wonderful and amazing ways the Lord has answered this prayer! It would take a book - for that's what my prayer journal practically is! So let me just say this then: God has answered this prayer in a million ways. Over the months it seemed as if the words of the Lord, recorded in the book of Ezekiel, had come to pass in Aaron:
"Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols. Moreover, I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances." Ezekiel 36:25-27
Specifically I saw that he began to love the things God loves, and hate the things God hates. He genuinely grew to "abhor what is evil, and cling to what is good." (Romans 12:9) Also, he began to once again treasure the Bible and believe that it truly is God's inspired Word to us. In fact, after some months he would often tell me, in whatever situation we faced, that "God's Word has an answer for this." Then he'd spend the time searching the Bible for the wisdom we needed. Finally, I noticed that his desire to obey and please the Lord grew exponentially, and I praise our Father that it continues to grow in the present. Many, many times I hear him say that he just wants to please God. Oh how my soul magnifies the Lord for His glorious works!
Grace and Truth
John 1:17 tells us, "For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ." If ever there were two things Aaron needed (or you or I), it's grace and truth. Already I've shared quite a bit about this in previous posts and it's why I chose the quote from my prayer journal at the beginning of this one. It so beautifully demonstrates the way the Lord has done a work in my husband's heart regarding understanding the grace of God in truth. (Colossians 1:6)
Now, of course, there were many things besides the gospel that I wished and prayed my husband would understand the truth about. One such area that began to be impressed upon my heart was in regards to the roles of men and women. In studying the Bible and reading certain books I became convinced that many of our problems, throughout the history of our marriage, were a result of failing to understand the God-given order and plan for the family. Yet, if you had asked us years ago if we knew about this, we probably would have answered that of course we did!
However, because God was revealing His ways to me through prayer and Bible study, I came to humbly realize that Aaron wasn't the only one who needed greater understanding. Among other things, in the early months of our marriage restoration God was simultaneously teaching me about something I had never done well - keeping quiet! He was (and still is) making me into a 1 Peter 3 wife. It's not my job to preach at my husband. Neither is it my job to needle him, harass him, or pressure him. So, if God wanted to reveal something to Aaron about the roles of men and women then that was His job!
And you know what? He does it better, and more effectively, than I ever could. So I learned to just pray about it. And the response to that prayer? Let's just say that the Lord has been doing an incredible work there, too. For the first time in our marriage there is no longer the subtle resentment my husband occasionally displayed about me staying home while he works. These days it seems as if he really delights in being the sole provider and takes a great deal of healthy, masculine pride in it. (For clarification let me say this does not refer to arrogance. Just a confidence in who God made him as a man.) He often states now that he's glad that I'm homeschooling the children, enabling me to best mold and train them for the future. This is such a change from the past!
How I wish I could go on and on - and truly I could for God has been so faithful. Despite the late hour I'm actually smiling right now because I know that God has "put a new song in my mouth." (Psalm 40:3) However, this post is getting long and I always read that blog posts aren't supposed to be so long - and I really do try hard not to break that rule. ("Try" being the key word there!)
At any rate, I didn't get to share with you yet how the Lord has changed me through praying for my husband, but I sense that that subject is truly a post in and of itself. So then, Lord willing, that will be the subject of my next post as well as some thoughts on love and respect. (Ephesians 5:33) Since the hour really is late - 1:11 a.m.! - I'm throwing this up on the blog here without any editing so please forgive my mistakes. I'll look it over better tomorrow.
I'd love to hear from any of you by email or comment. Please remember this week - God will never leave you nor forsake you! (Deuteronomy 31:8)
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